What smug parenting things did you say before you was a parent

[Soubriquet]

Mine

I was going to breastfeed.

Not really smug but I said it in a way before I was old enough to know better that it wasn’t easy...

No dummies

Nope Dd had gone. Ds refused his

Going to use a sling

Did with a bit with dd, more with ds when I discovered better slings

No plastic tat.

Yeah that didn’t last

No screens until they were older.

I discovered I preferred my cup of tea hot

baby led weaning and it was going to be all organic

Mostly baby led. Spoon fed on occasion. Definitely not organic as I remembered I had to eat too

That I would never cosleep.

That I would never breastfeed.

Apart from those 2 things I stuck to everything else!

My smug 'holier than thou' attitude was very pronounced. I'd proclaimed from the roof tops whilst pregnant with dc1 that I'd:

Breast feed 2 years minimum - he had colitis and was put on neocate at 4 months.

Never ever use a dummy - we caved after a fortnight.

Use only cloth nappies - they didn't even get used once!

Make homemade organic food and give them nothing else - my constantly crying autistic baby (obviously didn't know that at the time) wouldn't let me pee without a meltdown so finding the time to cook anything was impossible. DS had organic jars and pouches and I used to wait for my exh to come home from work and feed me.

Not give them sugar until at least 3 years old - ha! Tell that to the grandparents!

Not have them in the bed - only way anyone got any sleep.

Give birth in a birthing pool with no pain relief - yeah.....didn't happen.

I was such a clueless smug git and the reality was akin to being run over by a bus.

Only Home cooked meals and steamed veg 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Oh nap time

Yes.

I always said, my kids would nap where ever we were and that I wouldn’t be ruled by them

I was...

The only time I wasn’t was when we was on a day trip and they had no choice but they were that distracted by everything new that they tired quickly and slept

I was well aware that babies can be total nightmares so I wasn't too disillusioned when dc1 came along. My biggest was that I'd combi feed if bf worked out so that dh could help with night feeds. Nope! That child refused a bottle totally! He also refused to ever sleep in a cot so went straight from our bed to a toddler bed. I'd not really expected much in terms of sleep but I am still surprised to this day at how much a baby can detest a cot. I also remember my mum saying she'd never let her teens sleep in til the afternoon....lucky for her I've always been an early bird but when my brother hit adolescence she had to eat her words! That boy considers 11am "the crack of dawn!"

I love this

^"No TV"
^
Hahahahahaha ... what a dick. I should be paying mr tumble for the amount of babysitting he does around here.

^" my toddler would never act like that in public , it's not hard to control your child."
^
Turns out it's very , very fucking hard

I did myself a favor and set my bar extremely low.

The only thing I never wanted any part of was the fucking horrendous peppa pig, and somehow she ended up a favorite of DS1 (used to watch it at daycare hence the introduction).

That had nothing to do with his development and everything to do with my sanity.

Haha loving this thread. Many years pre kids I told colleagues I couldn’t understand how people spent their whole lives running round after children and their needs, spending all weekend ferrying to clubs, birthday parties etc. And doing nothing for themselves anymore. Hahaha next week I’m off on what will probably be our only break this year, 2 nights at Peppa pig world. Even sadder I’m really looking forward to it

I won’t take my child to McDonalds etc.

The number of times when they were little a fish finger happy meal was the only thing between me and the hangry meltdown.

No character clothes. Only Boden.

DS looks like he is sponsored by Lego Ninjago and it's all H&M as it inevitably gets trashed at preschool.

I stupidly thought child 2 would be as chilled and easy a baby as child 1

Oh yes, I was caught out by that one @Whatsnewpussyhat and I was silly enough to tell the world that my first child’s good sleeping was all down to my good and consistent parenting. Turns out I got lucky the first time and not so much the next time and it had bugger all to do with my parenting. It also turns out that in the following 20 years my influence is not nearly as powerful as I’d hoped On many fronts (unless you count all the less great traits in my character, managed to pass those on just fine ).

Home birth (had twins so that went out the window)

Cloth nappies (see above)

Would breast feed ( my tiny premmie babies were just too darn lazy and tired to latch on)

No dummies ( my sanity caved one night )

No co sleeping whatsoever ( the saga continues)

I would only have gas and air during labour and I definitely didn't want pethedine.

Hahahaha.

I had pethedine, two epidurals and eventually a spinal block for my EMCS.

I did stick to my cloth nappy decision though. It helped that DH was onboard. When I told him (whilst pregnant) that I wanted to use them, he shrugged and replied 'a shitty nappy is a shitty nappy'. He drew the line at the poo knife and washing them, but I was happy to do that.

I was a nanny pre-children and the Gina Ford book was their Bible, so I declared it mine too.

It's easy to be completely routine driven when you are literally paying someone to walk then around in the pram from 4-5pm to make sure they sleep at that correct time! Didn't last long. Instead DS1 would go in our lovely stretchy sling and fall asleep whilst I sat on the sofa, ate chocolate and watched Deal or No Deal every day.
(This only became a problem when we went to Weston Super Mare for a day out when he was about 8 months and he got very excited when he recognised a life size cut out of Noel Edmunds)

DH said no co-sleeping. Fine for DS1, he liked his space. We soon realised that the only way we got any sleep with DS2 was to share a bed.

Hynobirthing and birth pool

Breastfeed until 6 months minimum

No television

Only home made food

Mainly wooden toys

Cute new outfits from funky shops

Lose baby weight through walking and calorie restricting, no need for interim clothes

Hoping to have another baby soon. I'm going to set the bar a fuck load lower than it was with number one. Caused immeasurable sorrow at my perceived failings. Finally at the point where I don't give as much of a shit.

I'd continue my social life as normal, leaving the children with expressed milk for weekends away from a young age. That didn't happen.

‘Parenthood won’t change us. WE will come first, the kid(s) will come second because if we’re ok, they’re ok.’ My DH’s words which I agreed with. Now? DS is 7 months and I love him so much I miss him when he sleeps through the night and DH? Well, put it this way, he’s lucky to come third after our cats.

I never said any of these things but I realise that’s because I’m lazy and knew I’d do whatever for a easy life. 🤣

I archly confirmed to the midwife that I would be breastfeeding because "that's how babies are fed"
Well that came back to haunt me when I couldn't cope and switched to bottles at a week old.

'She'll eat what we eat', well ARFID put paid to that. Some of what she eats could be described as 'cooked from scratch' but it's pretty weird combinations, though always including broccoli as that's the one vegetable she'll eat.

'She's not going to wear pink' - fine until she went to nursery (at 3) and started having opinions about her clothes....

No dummies. Lasted about two nights as she would not sleep without being nursed. The nurse in the hospital offered a dummy and I was so relieved to be able to sleep!
My work colleagues who have much younger children are completely and totally against any computer/PS4/Xbox games whatsoever. I have a late teen and I am waiting to see when they cave.

These are hilarious. I am in this phase currently, I'm babysitting my best friends little darlings tonight and I just text her to ask whether she did any of this. Bare in mind, the kids are currently dressed in various princess/pirate/dinosaur outfits, half covered in makeup (the boy included), eating cheesy wotzits, hanging upside down off the sofa seeing who can make the blood rush to their head the quickest.. with frozen 2 on in the background. I love her kids so much, they're sassy little devils and I wouldn't have them any other way haha.These were the children that were to be seen and not heard, raised on organic wholesome food and never have a drop of liquid that wasn't water. I feel like my expectations are at least realistic, I'm going to have to make a choice tho, Peppa Pig or Bing. I can't deal with both.

No dummies (they are for common people with inarticulate children, until you have one who won't sleep unless he can suck very hard on something).

No toddler reins (make it look as if you are putting your gorgeous child on a par with a dog - until you have a belter).

No plastic toys (you know where this one is going).

We didn't have screens when mine were little, so I can safely be smug about those, though.

Go away, autocorrect. Bolter, not belter.