I need to get out of this rut and improve my life

[PaperPlane]

The days are just passing me by and I do nothing. I don’t watch anything on tv, I haven’t picked up a book or magazine, I do the minimum amount of work I have to and the minimum amount of cleaning.
I hardly ever eat fruit or vegetables and eat a lot of food that’s pretty bad to be honest. My clothes are getting tighter.
I have no hobbies and don’t do any exercise apart from walking and that’s just to ensure dcs get out.
I don’t see many friends because I look crap.
I am definitely not depressed and my dc are well cared for. I just don’t seem to be able to look out for myself. I’ve got into a rut that I can’t seem to get out of.

Depends on the kids ages, but it sounds alike the pressure is off a bit and you can take some me time.

I’d tackle one at a time - what you see as a priority?

Take one day at a time. Things get better.

I've been in this situation before and it feels crap, so sending sympathy. It is definitely possible to get yourself out of the rut though.

When you say you don't do things like reading or exercise, is that because when you do do them you don't enjoy them? Or are they things that you like to do but can't find the desire/motivation for at the moment?

You do sound depressed. What makes you sure that you aren't?

Could you try picking one small thing to change, to get you started? Maybe buy some tasty but healthier food, or try to get back into an activity you enjoy.

I think we may be the same person op! Although I am definitely depressed.

It does feel crap but it’s not depression for me. I’m just feeling low and am a procrastinator. It’s got bad because I don’t have any deadlines for anything.
I’m sorry you’re depressed Yankathebear.

I want to do things with my time. I like watching tv and reading books normally. So many people have made good use of their time in lockdown but I’m just wasting it, getting unhealthier and making myself feel worse. I hate it.

I am going to eat better today. It disgusts me if I think back to what I’ve been eating most days. Constant grazing on crap even though I make healthy meals for the family.

If you find an answer to this please let me know as I'm terrible for being in a rut too. Mine mainly revolves around booze and food. I'm very unhappy with my weight and I promise myself every Monday morning that I'll change my habits but by evening I've already cracked open the crisps and wine. I just can't stop. I tell myself I'll get up and go for a run but never do. Lockdown has made things so much worse and any motivation just seems to have dissipated.

I think it really is a case of transforming mindset but I'm not sure how to do that.

We can keep trying PatButcherismy hero.
I have had a change in mindset. I realised yesterday that my dcs memories of me in their childhood we’re probably not going to be good.
Just someone who was vaguely there, just a shodowy blob in the background of their life.

You are right to address your unhealthy lifestyle OP but please don’t be too hard on yourself. We have all just experienced something so bizarre and worrying and we are not through it yet. Nobody can blame people for how they have got through it. It’s easy to see all those videos of shiny people doing online workouts and imagine that that’s what the whole world is doing except you . So yes, make some changes but don’t think so badly about yourself.

I'm too in the same situation. Have no motivation to do anything. I felt really fed up. So I have recently start setting myself little tasks to do.

I've picked a book and I will read a few pages each night.

I have booked a slot at the tip and will take some rubbish out of the house.

I have mopped the kitchen floor this morning.

I will listen to my children reading every other night.

I pick one or two things a day. And I'm trying to build on it Day by day.

Maybe just try doing one thing a day different to your normal routine?

It is hard but if you change nothing, then nothing will change.

Or, write a To Do list - can be anything and just do as much as you want from the list.

@Horsemad

Maybe just try doing one thing a day different to your normal routine?

It is hard but if you change nothing, then nothing will change.

Totally agree with this. Or two at a push. Little ones. Short walk and eat a bit better.

Thanks for your kind message MrsGrindah. I do need to make some changes as my dc deserve better than this. Come to think of it, I deserve better than this too.
Unicornsarereal2 choosing a few tasks a day is a good idea. I have plenty of books at home and I shall choose one to begin reading. I have decided that I will play with dcs once a day. I will set up the paddling pool in a bit and have a water fight with them later. My third task today will be to eat healthy food.

If you cook healthy meals for the family then just eat those. Cut out everything in between and then stop buying the crap, whatever it is - crisps, biscuits, chocolate, wine. If it's not in the house you can't snack on it.

I'm working out in the garden today because when I work at the kitchen table I just eat constantly and find it almost impossible to control myself.

Could you try keeping a journal - just 5 mins each morning - it might help you do stuff to then have something to write down, if you see what I mean? Or conversely, you may be doing more than you think!!

How old are the children?

I am in the same boat op, though my dc are older so don't need me much, apart from household duties. I just feel so bored and useless. I have decided on 3 small changes to start with. 1. I am going to eat some more veg at every meal which isn't much but it's a start. 2. I am going to take up some sort of a hobby, even if it's just an online book club. And 3. I am going to meet up with a friend or family member for a coffee or a drink every week or so, no matter how i feel, or how i look. I will follow this thread with interest.

A journal is a great idea. I can write my daily goals.
Xiangxiong that makes sense, doesn’t it? I seem to graze on snacks all day long then I’m not hungry in the evening to eat with the family. I feel so embarrassed writing that down because it seems ridiculous. The solution appears to be to not snack and to eat meals. It’s so simple.
Dc are 14,11 and 7. It’s easy to ignore them because they will occupy themselves but they’re still young enough to rely on me. I am so aware that they are getting older and the time for doing the things I want to do, or even should be doing with them is slipping away.
Those are good aims Deadringer. I hope you achieve them.

I’ve had a much better day today. I managed to eat healthily mostly which seems central to everything.
If I can get a grasp on that, It’ll help me be in control of all the rest a bit more.

My mum told me to do something early in the day, then if the whole day goes to shit you've got something under your belt. I have been applying this in lockdown because I have more time now so am a bit more drifty!

I think we are all expected to achieve a lot these days, but sometimes we just don't feel like it.

I'd focus on things you want to do rather than things you should do.

Glad you had a better day today

Good news OP. Also try breaking it down a bit more.So rather than saying you are going to eat healthily today ( which could mean anything really)say something like “ I’m going to eat at least three different veg” or whatever. That way your goal is specific and you don’t have to beat your self up about the rest of your diet that day. Then the next day you eat 3 veg again, but then add in another goal such as drinking at least 1 litre of water etc.

Hi OP

I feel exactly the same. I feel really low and have no motivation at all. I have put on lots of weight and just feel rubbish about myself. I usually read but can't even seem to concentrate on a book at the moment, I don't know what's wrong with me. Hope you're getting on ok?

xx

How’s it going?

Sorry you’re feeling similar Gemi33. It’s worth keeping on trying.

@LoeliaPonsonby thank you for asking. I had a couple of good days but yesterday wasn’t great. It’s easy to blame the heat but I could try harder.
I’ve been trying to have clear goals every day. Today’s main goal is to clear the dining table and to sit as a family for dinner and actually be hungry for it. This means not snacking after 2.
I have goals which are daily and I’ve been writing them out in a book every day. It helps keep me focussed. Even if I didn’t achieve it that day, it’s something that I keep trying every day.

That sounds really positive.

I've been the same lately. No motivation. Snacking. I tell myself I'll do something when I have wasted the day away.
I'm going to do little things. I've also done a big thing and signed up for a 21 day tough mudder online. It's doable and I'm hoping will give me the kick I need!