MIL never talks about proper things- just gossip and rubbish. Is this a thing?!

[Napqueen1234]

I’ve never met anyone like my MIL for chatting rubbish. I’ve met gossipers, people who talk about themselves constantly. But she almost talks about nothing. Case in point- today met for a walk in the park. My DH has just taken on a few new big jobs, DC1 about to start preschool and finishing nursery, DC2 6 months and changing every day. This week we had to isolate due to covid risk and go to A&E (she vaguely knew about these things). She asked nothing about any of them- instead talked for 40 minutes about a random friends caravan (no idea who they are) and her partners daughter. She loves seeing the DC but never texts to ask about them etc (I end up sending updates and pics as I feel we ought to keep her in the loop). It’s not like she’s selfish as she doesn’t talk about her, for reference she doesn’t do much has had the same job 30 years, doesn’t really socialise or have hobbies.

Would you do or say something? Sometimes I feel like interrupting her stories with ‘who the hell are these people I have absolutely no interest in can we talk about something else?!’. If I try to start conversations she just doesn’t engage and changes the subject back to something incredibly boring and unimportant. Does anyone else know anyone that does this?!

Yes both my mother and mil are like this. Mil warbles on about her friends we don’t know or stuff in the past ‘remember?’ DH Judy mumbles and I can’t join in. Then the same thing on repeat like the time the wind caught the car door and she sanded the car beside her ‘the man who owned the car wasn’t happy!’ I have to grit my teeth from screaming. She also hears a random word and starts a dialogue ‘Caravan? Oh Muriel and Gordon (who?) are having to give up the caravan....’

When she was painting the spare room I was going to beat her to death! ‘Apple white, I’m going to get some white. It’s white with a tiny touch of green, apple white...I’ll ask for Apple white...’

My mum relates everything to twilight, the waltons or bondai vet and has no interest in anyone else. I texted her to tell her I’d fallen down the stairs and the reply was ‘Joan has died’. Who the fuck is Joan? She also makes up things and is convinced we are all wrong.

If I asked with of them where I worked and what I did they wouldn’t have a clue.

Yes... MIL and she is so offended when I say 'Yes, you told me that already!' Sometimes denying she did - well how else would o know about Sue's husbands brothers bowl problems!!!

Yes ex Mil was exactly like this. It was like having a budgie in the room

@FredaFrogspawn

Apologies for snapping - not my usual MN style. The responses felt a bit overwhelmingly ageist but I guess people only responded if they do have these appalling mothers/mils.

Not sure if it hit home - you’d have to ask my DILs that! They’re great - but I have been bored rigid by younger people going on and on about their babies, their house purchases, school choices or their curtains.

Good to hear about the boot on the other foot as it were. Sorry all this one-theme mass get-it-off-your-chest moment rankled. That's the nature of the beast I suppose. Personally I lay it out in neutral places like this because it helps me be a better person in rl. Nothing like feeling understood to help to bear things. 😊

I laughed at Who the fuck is Joan'.

@HalloumiSalad I do the same- id much rather vent on mn than risk bottling it up and one day just screaming at my MIL in frustration!

We're LC with my MIL who is like this. She just waffles on and on and on about random people she's bumped into and neighbours we've never met. She can't remember her DGC's birthdays but her old neighbour (from 25 years ago) daughter's step son's baptism? She's there for that. I have concluded over the years that her actual circle is incredibly small but she tries to seem like she has a lot of friends by talking about even the vaguest of acquaintances who probably have no clue who she is.

@TeddyGizmo i have no idea who Joan and surely if your daughters texts to say she’s fallen down a flight of stairs you reply ‘Are you ok, are you injured?’ Not that some random person I don’t know has died.....

Well you would think so.
When I told her I was under threat of redundancy she said Oh dear....then said the dog peed on the rug. Gee thanks Mum.
I stopped telling her stuff as it's clear she's not interested.

The apple white convo from PP above is exactly what she does. With almost everything.

My MIL was like this. I knew all about her neighbor’s knee operation (a man I had never met), her other neighbor’s grandkids (again never met them) and she never asked anything about us or DGC.
Don’t know if it’s an old age thing or just bad social skills.

@AdriannaP it’s completely bizarre isn’t it. Yet I do think any tiny bits of information she gleans or the things I text her probably do get told to absolutely everyone she knows and in great embellished detail as she doesn’t actually know the proper details as she never bloody asks.

She's probably just not very bright.

I just wouldn't bother talking to her any more than necessary, as she either can't or won't talk properly about things. Don't waste energy.

Either she can't deal with it, in which case it's kinder not to try to force it, or she won't in which case no point in arguing.

My dd is a bit like this, parents used to come up and ask her when they were in reception what their dc had been doing at school because they never told them. She would tell them which table they were on, what they had for lunch, which games they played in the playground, who they played with etc. We have long tales of what exploits other children get up to in secondary school. Unfortunately lockdown has meant that the discussions have turned to TV programmes and I find myself telling her that I really don't need to know for the third time that Chris Chibnell over relies on the sonic screwdriver to resolve issues. I was never a massive Dr Who fan even when I was her age. Longing for school to restart so we go back to the hour long discussions of who got a detention for chewing gum in PE and what Mr Smith said about his girlfriend's mother's dog. I think some people are just born like it as my other dc are not as chatty about nothing.

As someone who is nearly 50, I found the implication on this thread that older women are boring a little bit unfair.

Some of the complaints on here are centred around how the MILs and DMs are not interested in their grandchildren, preferring to talk about trivia.

Perhaps they are sick of you banging on about your PFBs?

She sounds completely self centred. If someone Just talks about themselves and doesn't ask anything about you or your husband or children then that's the epitome of being self-centred.

My mil just the same. When our daughter was at their house, her grandmother was sat in another room going thro old family photos from about 40 yrs ago. Or would vanish to the bathroom with her phone for 30 mins. Just chats bubbles when we are there

Before I retired, I worked with quite a few young women who would sit round the table at lunchtime comparing their labours, how many cms they were dilated when the got to hospital, their births (got more traumatic with each telling) the funny things kids say....the funny things their incompetent husbands had done.....jeez, on and on and on it went. Small worlds aren’t just lived by the over 50’s believe me!

@THisbackwithavengeance Nope, DM has no interest at all in PFB. Just DS who is the golden child. And I am over 50....

I don't think it's age related, my mum has always done this. We used to tease her when we were kids about it.

Long car journeys were a nightmare, just a constant running commentary of what she could see out of the window, interspersed with begging us to "look at the view!". I'm not sure what else she thought we were doing!

When the Royale Family was on TV, we all pissed ourselves at Barbara, she is my mum! Except Barbara does actually show an interest in her families lives too.

My mum also half listens to what you're saying and then makes up the rest in her head, which wouldn't be so bad but she exagerrates terribly and then tells everyone she knows. My brother and I just stopped telling her stuff, which wasn't hard as she never asks anyway.

I used to find it very upsetting, but as I've got older I have tried really hard to understand her. My therapist suggested she may have ASD (sorry to be the poster who inevitably brings that up!) but I think it could 'just' be anxiety. A lot of her behaviours point to low self esteem too.

The pp who suggested that they may not be comfortable talking about emotional stuff gave me a little light bulb moment too. Both my parents take pride (???!) in not even knowing what Emotional Intelligence is.

She asks me if she mentioned the story of when x and y did z and I will say "yes I've heard it before" and then she will say "oh" and continue telling me the same story

My mil did exactly this, I”m sure it was the start of her dementia. Repetitive conversations in a 20 minute circle of the same stories.

My mum is a demon for not allowing silence. Even if she goes to the loo, she carries on, endlessly whittering on. You can’t watch a film with due to endless comments/questions about the film that you can’t possibly answer.

I know I was like this as a teenager unfortunately. I wittered on endlessly about what Jenny said in class that day, then Kate said this, then Mr Smith said this... As if it was all so funny but it wasn't unless you were there and aged 12.

I'm really embarrassed now obviously. Just something else to add to my list of things to cringe about at night when I can't sleep.

Yes my parents. They tell me all about lots of people I've never heard of. Lots about cousins and their kids, I've never met them.

Best was telling me all about the health issues of one great niece and, after about half and hour, explaining she wasn't actually related but the daughter of some woman that knew. As he finished I asked about my nephew, their only grandchild and for a split second my father hesitated and said 'who?' before carrying on talking as though it had never happened.

DSis had had a similar experience, they referred to that same only grandchild using someone else's name!

They lived with said grandchild for the first twenty years of his life!!??

My MIL developed this habit, too...in her case, it was because she'd become rather deaf and couldn't really hear what we were saying or respond appropriately (she didn't believe in hearing aids). She tried to disguise her hearing difficulties by talking constantly, about absolutely anything. How is your MIL's hearing?

Currently sitting listening to the tale of my aunty’s colleague’s sister’s new garden.

Dire.