MIL never talks about proper things- just gossip and rubbish. Is this a thing?!

[Napqueen1234]

I’ve never met anyone like my MIL for chatting rubbish. I’ve met gossipers, people who talk about themselves constantly. But she almost talks about nothing. Case in point- today met for a walk in the park. My DH has just taken on a few new big jobs, DC1 about to start preschool and finishing nursery, DC2 6 months and changing every day. This week we had to isolate due to covid risk and go to A&E (she vaguely knew about these things). She asked nothing about any of them- instead talked for 40 minutes about a random friends caravan (no idea who they are) and her partners daughter. She loves seeing the DC but never texts to ask about them etc (I end up sending updates and pics as I feel we ought to keep her in the loop). It’s not like she’s selfish as she doesn’t talk about her, for reference she doesn’t do much has had the same job 30 years, doesn’t really socialise or have hobbies.

Would you do or say something? Sometimes I feel like interrupting her stories with ‘who the hell are these people I have absolutely no interest in can we talk about something else?!’. If I try to start conversations she just doesn’t engage and changes the subject back to something incredibly boring and unimportant. Does anyone else know anyone that does this?!

Yes! My mother was like this. Giving me the life story of some random neighbour’s cousin’s milkman’s daughter. She’d go on and on and on about someone I didn’t know never mind give a monkeys about. I’m glad they’re all the same.

It’s like the Peter Kay routine where he goes round to his Nanna’s and she says “Guess who’s dead”

My mother does this. I think it's driven by anxiety and a need to control the conversation. I think she fears getting into deeper conversation and so produces relentless verbiage to prevent this. I hate it

My DP has to tell me everything that is in his head - or at least that is what it feels like. For example, I have no interest in football, he knows this and he has plenty of friends who are interested yet he has to tell me all about each match. His mum is a bit the same she says what is in her head - which is usually gossip about someone I don’t know, some complaint about her house or her neighbour or some minor health thing.

Neither of them are particularly interested in what i am doing, think or feel. it is like talking is always catharsis for them they have to say what hits their brain. If i say something they start talking about whatever those words trigger.

MIL is worse than DP but he does it too, at least with him I might know who he is talking about or it might be something current affairs related or to do with my house or children.

My MIL lives near us so whenever we go out to eat we invite her, last year I asked if we could go away for my daughters birthday so I didn’t have to have another birthday meal with mindless natter about what she has had for tea all week.

I love them but oh my god i wish they would either have a conversation or be quiet for a bit!

Dear god, for the sake of humanity we
women should learn to keep our mouths shut and listen only after we reach 50.

Young people can be screamingly boring too you know. Examine your own level of conversation before slamming your mothers.

It's odd that you say that because she isn't talking about herself she "isn't selfish" because it actually sounds like you would prefer that. It could be she is worried about being seen as selfish if she does. Oddly I find talking utter rubbish about people my friend doesn't even know far more selfish, as it is taking up your time on something you don't/can't care about. At least people talking about themselves are more relevant.

My mum has moments like this:

'Speaking of that. You know Sarah and Dan? ... Oh you do, well you know Nigel from fishing, yes and I do the yoga with his wife Sandra, yes we'll it's their son and daughter-in-law. So last week Sarah was out with their children.. (5 minutes later) and of course now Nigel.... (Insert tangent about the politics of Dad's fishing club)... So really you ought to let the new baby cry it out / stop wearing a sling / continue babywearing/ choose a particular school other parenting advice'

I don't know these people, but the stories are usually funny because they're so full. My mum is lovely and does ask about us though.

@GlummyMcGlummerson my DM is exactly the same as yours!

There is no point sharing anything with my DM. She never listens. She's too busy talking about people I don't know doing things I'm not interested in.

She makes things up all the time. If she said it 3 times it happened. She recently told a family member I turned down a place at a very prestigious university as a teenager because I would rather be earning and got a job instead. All complete bullshit.

When I was younger I used to tell her bits and pieces, but learned pretty quickly that she didn't keep anything I told her to herself. As she never actually asks me anything it's quite easy to prevent my business being broadcast around.

Very sad though. I have a rubbish relationship with her. She has no idea where I work, what I do or how DD is.

Her social skills are rubbish - my biggest fear is that I'm the same! I often come back from social situations and worry that I didn't ask enough questions and/or talked to much! Ugh.

I'm very jealous of people who have a normal mum!

My mil is exactly the same.

I had to tell her recently some upsetting information about our youngest her grandchild. Took me a while to pluck up the courage, then I broke down telling her a bit, was visibly upset and braces myself for a lot of questions about what's happening to our child.....

And she actually just told me about a funny incident that had just happened to fil and then moaned about not having a haircut.

It's really confusing as she's a lovely lady and I can't see her being this way purposely to upset me I just think she's strange 🤷‍♀️

I try not to take it to heart because my partner certainly doesn't he just laughs it off x

If you don’t want to make a Thing of it, and v likely upset her, it may be possible to make a separate compartment in your head where you just say the odd mechanical, ‘Oh, really?’ or, ‘That’s nice,’ etc. And go on thinking your own thoughts.

I’m not a patient person but I had to do similar when FiL (with dementia) was living with us and would ask the same question endlessly - the one time I actually counted it was 35 times in one hour. I could never show the slightest irritation - it could provoke a violent rage.

If I hadn’t found a way to make that separate compartment I would honestly have gone mad. Or taken the carving knife to him😱

Teddy
If mine wasn't dead and buried, I'd swear we were sisters!
I can imagine her now, talking at my Dad, on a loop, about everything and everyone she's seen/read about/met - even if he was with her and saw/spoke to said random person
They were married for 55 yrs and I'm not sure he ever got a word in edgeways 🤣

My mother in law could be like that, my mother definitely was!
You can't change such people, just have to be tolerant.

Concentrate on her good points.

Craftycorvid

I hear you loud and clear. You're relationship with your mum sounds just like mine.

In the interests of balance neither my DM or my MIL is like this. My 32yo younger sister is EXACTLY like this and always has been.

Crafty that's hilarious!

Conversation is so tricky isn't it.
I think it's better to do things with people, have experience and have something to talk about!

My mum prattled on a bit with my siblings and their partners and it was just nerves. She didn't feel comfortable so she just filled the silence.... Also my siblings own conversation was limited to areas not her interest...

Whereas we had fantastic conversations, made each other laugh hysterically and had interests in same things... The arts, theatre, etc.

Mil... Barely talks at all. She has 2 topics of conversation when she does and I've decided I never want to hear or talk about those again l!!

Lola, hysterical 😂😂

Thick fast, true. Many comedians and writers draw on this don't they.

It's hilarious and sad at the same time.

My father is 77 and he's a cracking conversationalist most the time but over the past ten years I've been treated to increasing mind numbing minutiae about his friends.
Thing is, he's so brilliant and kind and would listen for days if I have anything worrying me or need support so I actually see the rambly bits as quite charming now and appreciate that as you get much older your world becomes that bit smaller.

Oh another awful thing my granny does, is she properly worries and feels upset and guilty about none events that happened many moons ago. A recent example is, she came to the Uk when she was 16 and alone. Whilst on the ship a nice english couple bought her a cup of tea to keep warm. She recently started worrying and feeling guilty because she never paid them back for the cup of tea. It was 70 years ago!

@FredaFrogspawn

Dear god, for the sake of humanity we women should learn to keep our mouths shut and listen only after we reach 50.

Young people can be screamingly boring too you know. Examine your own level of conversation before slamming your mothers.

This thread has clearly hit a nerve! Too close to home?

My mum was the same, not many interests. It meant on the phone, our conversations never lasted long though she would yak at length to my SIL cos she had kids! My parents are both dead now, but it was my dad I went to to talk about specific things., Mum would just go "Oh yes dear" and I knew she wasn't even listening!!

She was plugged into her walk man day in and day out. A few times I would sit next to her and she insisted I listen to a cd she got from the library (in a very Mrs Doyle, go on go on way). Once I was happily plugged in, she then started up a conversation, every damn time!!!

@FredaFrogspawn I didn’t mean to offend and clearly from my question my MIL is the only person I know like this. My own mother, grandmothers, older relatives etc all take an interest and have interesting things to say. It’s not even an age thing as as I said my MIL isn’t 50. Please don’t take offence.

I think she’s just spilling out the contents of her mind onto you. These are the actual things she thinks about.
It’s very boring and rude of her but not surprising. Lots of people get like this.

@Crongle I think that may be it you know. Never diagnosed but my MIL suffers severe anxiety (v clear from certain behaviours- very uncomfortable anywhere other than her own home or v familiar places, lots of nervous tics ) I wonder if it’s that. She also doesn’t respond to things normally (for example a nephew was hospitalised and had to go to A&E at 4am and her first question when told that was ‘who drove him to A&E’ 😳

Apologies for snapping - not my usual MN style. The responses felt a bit overwhelmingly ageist but I guess people only responded if they do have these appalling mothers/mils.

Not sure if it hit home - you’d have to ask my DILs that! They’re great - but I have been bored rigid by younger people going on and on about their babies, their house purchases, school choices or their curtains.