How to handle a convo with DH

[WizenedFilly]

Hey guys and girls,
Have posted recently about things between DH and I.
Not to drip feed, we have 4 DC, live in a semi (with a small mortgage) and can just about afford to live. Neither of us have a pension. DH is in his 40's and I am in my 30's
We are heavily reliant on WTC, and both are low earners. DH has his own Limited Company and I work for a supermarket.
DH was offered a job which would pay 4 times his salary. He doesn't want to take it, as he likes being his own boss. I can't go full time as I look after the children before and after my work.
I really want more out of life. I would like to move to a bigger house and not have to worry about what we buy for food etc etc.
How do I have this conversation with him, without causing an argument? I know he is happy with our life and home, he doesn't want a bigger mortgage etc. But I feel like we are at a stalemate. He is happy with life, but I am not.
If I start a convo he will argue that this is the only thing he knows, and that he is content.
Then I thought maybe I should write a letter and explain how I feel and that I would like more out of life. But I am an adult and should be able to have an adult convo with him. Just feel so stuck with it all x

It sounds like he's good at his job but not a businessman. I understand liking to be his own boss - but if he worked for his friend, for more money, he'd be able to walk away at the end of the day with no paperwork, no worries, no debt. It's lovely being your own boss when you're reaping the benefits - time off whenever you like - but he's never going to get to that stage. More like work himself into an early grave because he's not got a pension.

Point out you're going to be screwed when the WTC dries up. Which they will do, only absolute fools would be reliant on this money through choice.

What you earn more than him on 20 hours minimum wage?? That's what, £170 a week give or take a few quid??

He's either doing cash in hand jobs and squirreling the money away or he's a lazy, idle bastard happy to take money from the state whilst doing everything he can to avoid putting in. I'd be leaving the twat, happy to see his kids go without through sheer laziness.

You say he is very busy.
I say he is not charging enough.
When did he last put up his rate? Not sure what part of the country but I'd say £75 an hour is more average. My friend's DH is in an aligned industry: when he gets so busy that he doesn't get a few days a month for paperwork rather than slave at evenings/weekends, he ups his rates.
Is it worth him considering taking on a part time 'receptionist/admin', min wage part time school hours person to answer the phone take messages, use initiative, spend time ordering etc etc, leaving him to get on and actually DO the work at £70/hour, and pay the person £min wage/hour? He could then crack on servicing/fixing, and then deal with the messages and queries between cars, this would probably double his productivity alone.

Alternatively, if he DID go work for his friend on 4x the money, then he needs to 'sell' his business to his friend - he has all that goodwill and loyal customer base built up over the years. Even if he sells for just the cost of his debts, so he can walk away debt free - I would think the debt is holding him back, as he can see he could work back to profit.. That's why his mate wants him - he's actually good at his job and would be just doing the mechanic bit, but will bring a lot of work with him..

I'd give him the choice. Put his rates up and us that increase to employ a part time 'deal with the telephone/customers/ paperwork' so he can crack on at £70/hour and double or treble his productivity .
(But it won't be you, as you need to keep your job as insurance just in case his goes belly up as people are using cars a little less now)

OR sell out to his mate and earn 4x per hour. (Not just go work for him, negotiate that he gets something for bringing the extra work.)

The answer is Yes you bloody well have made me do things I don’t want to do. I want to work full time to earn a decent salary to support our family. You have a job offer that means we could afford childcare soi can do that, and you REFUSE it. You refuse to go part time or manage your hours to do some of the child care, you have MADE me only able to work in these restricted hours.

I’d check your income if single - his sounds so marginal you might be better off. Then give him a choice to do the childcare so I could work, or to take the job so we could pay childcare for me to work , or to fuck off so I could get benefits that enabled me to support our family.

Just had another spat between messages. Not winning today at all. He has now told me he would have to work more hours and Saturdays and I am blinkered. I told him he isn't even considering it.
He has now told me his new working hours are 8-6 and he is working Saturdays! I work every other Saturday ffs.

So your job that brings in the money is now seen as less important that his hobby?

Well ask him what childcare he is arranging for the Saturdays you are both working.

@BoggledBudgie

You’re the one that wanted your parents to buy you a 7 bedroom house and admitted to being miserable in your marriage. You had advice on your last thread, maybe follow that?

Ah...yes...

How old are the dc? If 6 and older id drop them at his garage the next morning. Hi honey, I’m job hunting so can you get them to school. Thanks bye
And look into single person benefits.

Do you think his refusal to take the job or earn more is tied up with him not wanting to move house? Based on your previous thread it sounds like he has things legally set up with your current home to his advantage.

He’s being a bully by dictating that he will now be unavailable on Saturdays. If he was working Saturday in the salaried job you wouldn’t need a NMW weekend job to tide you over. He is making a lot of decisions in this relationship that serve only his interests but are negatively effecting the rest of the family.