I’m starting to understand why mums up and leave

[BrutusMcDogface]

I don’t think I’ll actually do it, because I love them too much. But my god, I’m DONE. I’d like to see how their dad copes with all four of them without me. Apparently he’d be fine, and probably do it better than me.

Don’t really know why I’m posting this but maybe some of you out there know how I feel?

Why don't you leave him with them for the weekend, go visit family or friends perhaps?

Sounds like you need a break..

So just do it for a weekend or whatever.

My husband knows how hard it is because he takes care of our child by himself on a regular basis. If yours has never done the same, there is something seriously wrong.

@Orangeblossom78

Why don't you leave him with them for the weekend, go visit family or friends perhaps?

Sounds like you need a break..

This with knobs on

Yep totally agree with pp, you don't have to leave for good, just for a couple of days. He says he'll do a good job without you? Excellent news.... where do you fancy?

I think everyone will know how you feel! It was pretty relentless before but now it’s never ending.

However given that 90% of single parents are women it would suggest that we are tough and will get through this.

But yes to the suggestions - if you can give yourself a break, take it!

Do you know what, I might actually do that! What with corona and everything, not sure where I’d go, but I definitely should! He was utterly useless over the whole of lockdown, despite being furloughed. Just sat on his bum and then played golf every bloody day. It is my turn.

My aunt once had the same issue; 4 kids, a husband who had no clue what she did for him. She went on strike. She cooked for herself and the youngest who was 6 and that was it. No cleaning. No cooking for the 3 other kids or husband. No food shop. Nothing. She sat and read mills and boon books for 4 solid weeks. Her husband and kids valued her in the end.

If you leave him with them and go away for a weekend, he will do everything perfectly. Even better than you just to prove a point - anyone can do it perfectly for a weekend, it’s the day in, year out that grinds you down.

I did it once. I walked out the door on a Friday evening and said I wasn’t coming back until Sunday night.

Returned home to a spotless house, shopping done, washing done, clean children, dinner.

And a very fucking smug husband who asked if I was over my tantrum and told me how easy it had been.

Of course it was - it was one weekend. And he was proving a point.

Wanker.

Billy- that’s exactly what would happen.

@Billyjoearmstrong are you still together?

Then you say, “Wonderful, as it was that easy, I shall expect this every day from now on. What’s for dinner? Oh and I’m out tomorrow night, don’t wait up.”

@ItWasNotOK yes.

OP I was ill when the DCs were small and DH had to get on with it for a few weeks, and also go away for weekends etc

You know something it helps- it really does, it has strengthened their bond and I got a break, I do recommend it.

I think it needs to be during the week. So he's juggling all the things you do. You'd also need to prepare nothing for him, no food shopping. A weekend is easy if everything is in place. All he would have to do is keep it ticking over. It needs to be longer so he actually gets a taste of what it's like.

So if he copes, is that a bad thing? It means you can get a bit of me time every couple of months, which will help you feel less stressed.

What's the set up here? What underlying issues are causing you to feel so stressed and unhappy? I'm guessing that despite the fact he's able to help, he doesn't. Is that because he works and you're a SAHM?

Completely get it op. I think we have all felt like this at some point. I remember my mil judging someone she knew who drove to Tesco car park to sit and read on her own and get some peace from her 2 small children. I actually felt empathy towards her as there has been many a time I've wanted to drive off with nowhere to go!

Honestly sounds perfect, and the more I think about it, the more I want to do it!

Do it.
If he manages ok, then you know you can have a break when you need to.

I’m currently a sahm but not for much longer, as I start a new full tile job soon!! I got fed up of being taken for granted. I think lockdown just cemented that for me. I have no idea how we’re going to cope 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe that will help

Here’s hoping, orangeblossom!

If you leave him with them and go away for a weekend, he will do everything perfectly. Even better than you just to prove a point - anyone can do it perfectly for a weekend, it’s the day in, year out that grinds you down

Or alternatively you come home to an absolute shit tip. Everyone has enough clean clothes and cutlery to last a couple of days, so no absolute need to do anything. If the kids are still alive he’ll consider that a success and what are you complaining about.

It needs to be long enough to make an impact. Couple of weeks at least.

Apparently I’m moaning about nothing. I just can’t get him to see my point of view.

He doesn't sound very respectful of you.

@BrutusMcDogface

Billy- that’s exactly what would happen.

But at least you'd get a break