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Original poster

I’m starting to understand why mums up and leave

90 replies

BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 12:05

I don’t think I’ll actually do it, because I love them too much. But my god, I’m DONE. I’d like to see how their dad copes with all four of them without me. Apparently he’d be fine, and probably do it better than me.

Don’t really know why I’m posting this but maybe some of you out there know how I feel?

OP posts:
LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh · 29/07/2020 13:35

If they so it well you say "Great, you can do it permanently and I'll go back to work!" And watch them collapse, as they realise they need to put in that effort all the time.

Billyjoearmstrong · 29/07/2020 13:38

@Mix56 mine did everything. Everything was perfect. Full shop, all laundry, even ironing, children’s homework all done. He even took the children to the zoo for an afternoon on top of it all. Everything was done, including all the little things I “always said I didn’t have time to do”. He cleaned out the fridge and descaled the fucking kettle. He must have exhausted himself to prove his point to be honest.

He still does it now if I’m ever ill for example. Does everything and more just so I can see how easy it is (and will them moan about how he “had” to do everything in a dramatic way for weeks after). Tosser.

IceCreamSummer20 · 29/07/2020 13:43

Yep agree with the sentiment however kids need the best don’t they. It isn’t their fault if one parent is slack and we can’t ‘make’ another parent step up.

I have SN child and have been so overwhelmed. I’ve actually gone away for the odd weekend by myself, however his father doesn’t parent him half as well and our child ends up regressing. My kids aren’t an experiment to just leave, to get a worse deal from a well meaning Dad but who will not do what’s best for him. I am a committed parent and my child gets one chance at the best childhood he can. So I just bloody do it.

Blackcountryexile · 29/07/2020 13:48

OP. Looks as though there are plenty of Travelodges and Premier Inns with rooms between £25 and £50 a night. Start choosing!

ChristmasinJune · 29/07/2020 13:57

@BrutusMcDogface

I’m currently a sahm but not for much longer, as I start a new full tile job soon!! I got fed up of being taken for granted. I think lockdown just cemented that for me. I have no idea how we’re going to cope 🤷🏻‍♀️
Definitely do the weekend away before you start work then.

He'll either mess it up and realise how hard it is
Or do it brilliantly and get given the job permanently.

Win win!!

Personally I love a good travel lodge and they have some deals in at the moment I think Wink

BarbedBloom · 29/07/2020 14:11

The problem is that my friend did this and he still said it was easy at the end of the weekend. That was because he let them do exactly what they wanted I.e. sit on screens, ordered takeaway for dinner or bunged fish fingers in the oven and had a lovely time sitting in the garden ignoring them.

omg35 · 29/07/2020 14:16

@BrutusMcDogface just pick a hotel that's in budget and hole up for a weekend. Order room service/takeaway to the room and just watch tv, take long baths, read, whatever. You need a rest!

OneFootintheRave · 29/07/2020 14:28

@SqidgeBum

My aunt once had the same issue; 4 kids, a husband who had no clue what she did for him. She went on strike. She cooked for herself and the youngest who was 6 and that was it. No cleaning. No cooking for the 3 other kids or husband. No food shop. Nothing. She sat and read mills and boon books for 4 solid weeks. Her husband and kids valued her in the end.
Your aunt absolutely rocks!!
Hangingover · 29/07/2020 14:35

I did it once. I walked out the door on a Friday evening and said I wasn’t coming back until Sunday night

Do explain where you're going to the DC though. My DM did this and it frightened the life out of me because I thought she wasn't coming back Sad

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 14:52

I’m loving all these replies. I would definitely tell the kids that mummy is going away; I might say with a friend just so they don’t ask me if they can come with me! 🤣

OP posts:
Billyjoearmstrong · 29/07/2020 15:06

@Hangingover

I did it once. I walked out the door on a Friday evening and said I wasn’t coming back until Sunday night

Do explain where you're going to the DC though. My DM did this and it frightened the life out of me because I thought she wasn't coming back Sad

My kids knew, I told them I was going to stay with a friend. I didn’t just walk out on them. But one was 2 and the other 14 at the time so it was a little easier with those ages - both didn’t really care!
DancyNancy · 29/07/2020 15:06

Aw I know girly.
A girl I worked with years ago had grown up with her mum leaving when she was about 11. At the time (no kids) I remember thinking how could she do that. I later found out she had undiagnosed post natal depression the poor woman, and I went on to have increased anxiety and depression after I had kids. I often thought of that woman since and said , I can see now.
It's hard being a mom.
It's really fucking hard being a mom with mental health problems.
And yes, I often feel like running away.
Ironically not usually when I'm at my very lowest. Then I just want to go to bed 😂

Billyjoearmstrong · 29/07/2020 15:09

Yes @BrutusMcDogface

Don’t let it backfire and they want to go with you!

It would be harder for me now, Dd is 6 now and she would think she was missing out on some big adventure!

OldBean2 · 29/07/2020 15:12

So if it goes well for a weekend, then say great I now know I can do it on a regular basis or for a week, then end it with, "I knew you could do it, if you tried." Follow this with a big cheesy grin and a request for a G&T.

stovetopespresso · 29/07/2020 15:16

agree, just go! we met a mum on our romantic dinner b and b trip earlier this year, she was alone apart from her nice little dog and had just extended her stay from 3 to 5 days, i reallly admired her especially as the hotel was a spa by the beach so there was loads to do. go for 3 nights to ensure the message gets through, if you think your littlest will understand xx

OldLace · 29/07/2020 15:18

@IceCreamSummer20

Yes I agree.
BUT.... I am a 4 yrs and counting single parent of two teens with ASD. I have got so exhausted during lockdown that their (hopeless) Father has just agreed to take them camping for 5 nights (so I'll not be getting maintenance again then...). He's not great but they'll be safe. He wont appreciate me any more, but they might? anyway I get my first ever break of 5 days from parenting duties (as exH was rubbish when we were together too). I think if I'd not sorted it, I might have stopped coping - it's been really intense and I'm SO TIRED.
I have slept mostly for the first 3 days of it.
You cannot pour from an empty vessel and all that.
I hope you get the chance for some respite at some point, in a way that doesn't set your dc back (I get that, I really do!) xxx

megletthesecond · 29/07/2020 15:21

Yep, I think about this hourly. But I'm a LP so am a bit stuck.

Remmy123 · 29/07/2020 15:45

No offence .. but why do people have 4 kids then complain at how much hard work it is?!

MitziK · 29/07/2020 15:50

My ex said that if I did that, he'd put the kids into foster care because they'd been abandoned.

A year later, he chose to take them away for two nights camping whilst I was on a course because he didn't want to stay in the flat with them. He spent the next god know how many years using his experiences as a single parent to two children to impress younger women.

jessstan2 · 29/07/2020 16:46

@Remmy123

No offence .. but why do people have 4 kids then complain at how much hard work it is?!
People don't know how they will feel until they are in a situation; some feel like that with one or two! However 'lockdown', such as it was, has been very hard on people with young children.

I think the op is entitled to feel whatever she feels at any time, it doesn't mean she will act on it or that the feeling will last. It's just being human.

Happynow001 · 29/07/2020 17:01

@Billyjoearmstrong

If you leave him with them and go away for a weekend, he will do everything perfectly. Even better than you just to prove a point - anyone can do it perfectly for a weekend, it’s the day in, year out that grinds you down.

I did it once. I walked out the door on a Friday evening and said I wasn’t coming back until Sunday night.

Returned home to a spotless house, shopping done, washing done, clean children, dinner.

And a very fucking smug husband who asked if I was over my tantrum and told me how easy it had been.

Of course it was - it was one weekend. And he was proving a point.

Wanker.

Actually doesn't that just prove he can do it if he shifts himself - meaning you can take more time out (without prepping for him, eg laundry, food shop etc etc) and not just at the weekend either...
DemDem94 · 29/07/2020 17:02

My mum did. She walked out leaving us. Though got pregnant again in the future and kept the baby but never ever wanted to know me or my older sisters 🤷‍♀️

Orangeblossom78 · 29/07/2020 17:03

Maybe people have children thinking the load will be shared. As it should be.

corythatwas · 29/07/2020 18:36

No offence .. but why do people have 4 kids then complain at how much hard work it is?!

Why do men have 4 kids and then not pull their weight?

By the sounds of it, the OP could cope perfectly well if only the dad did his share of parenting. Hardly an outrageous demand, is it?

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 18:56

Oh gosh DemDem, I am so sorry. I would never, and I mean NEVER leave them for good.

I have skimmed the replies and will post properly later.

Thanks again for making me feel like I’m not alone Flowers

OP posts:
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