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Original poster

I’m starting to understand why mums up and leave

90 replies

BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 12:05

I don’t think I’ll actually do it, because I love them too much. But my god, I’m DONE. I’d like to see how their dad copes with all four of them without me. Apparently he’d be fine, and probably do it better than me.

Don’t really know why I’m posting this but maybe some of you out there know how I feel?

OP posts:
IAintentDead · 29/07/2020 12:58

@BrutusMcDogface

Billy- that’s exactly what would happen. Sad
You'd still have had a break.

If he does that your response is to say 'Brilliant, because I am going next week as well. And once a month after that'.

Orangeblossom78 · 29/07/2020 12:59

Honestly the more you do it, it does help

I'd stop discussing it and just do it, start with just popping out more maybe you need to shop for work clothes for example, just vaguely popping out for longer, then you're visiting a friend for a night or two

and then yes with work as well, rather than talking about it just making those changes, good luck

Bargebill19 · 29/07/2020 13:01

@Billyjoearmstrong

Are you sure his mum or/and sister didn’t turn up to do it for him??????

SomethingLessBoringInstead · 29/07/2020 13:03

I went away for the week when my youngest was just turning 1.

Never again did he ask what I'd spent my day doing, never again was I criticised, and he apologised for thinking it was easy.

A weekend might be easy bit a week is more realistic.

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 13:03

Thanks all.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 13:04

I need to wean my just turned / year old off the breast, so this would be a good solution. Just need to find somewhere to go!

OP posts:
Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 13:05

*2 year old

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 29/07/2020 13:05

@BrutusMcDogface

Congratulations on the job!!

Now you do know you need a break before you start as you won’t be entitled to holiday pay for quite awhile yet.....!

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2020 13:06

Haha, I like your thinking, Bargebill! Grin

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 29/07/2020 13:07

Take a three/four day break away. Do not have anything done before you cook. No meals cooked, no empty washing basket etc.

Orangeblossom78 · 29/07/2020 13:08

My DS was also 2 when I got ill and b'feeding too...when DH had to take over for several weeks.

He coped OK and children were very attached to him when I improved.

timeisnotaline · 29/07/2020 13:11

Do it. And this - Then you say, “Wonderful, as it was that easy, I shall expect this every day from now on. What’s for dinner? Oh and I’m out tomorrow night, don’t wait up.”
After all, let’s say it’s been 6 weeks, 4 hours of golf a weekday, you have 120 hours to catch up on and it’s probably 12 weeks at least so 240 hours, count them!! No prep. Midweek. Let them fuck up the timetable. Then you have scope for the earnest conversation about you’re not a very good parent if you can’t track their schooling or don’t know x or csnt feed them properly, what if something happened to me? What would happen to my babies? They need you to be better than this.

GabsAlot · 29/07/2020 13:14

so hes doine absoltely nothing for months but doesnt know what youre moaning about

just go on strike

Thelnebriati · 29/07/2020 13:15

Apparently he’d be fine, and probably do it better than me.

Did you manage to keep a straight face at that?

Spied · 29/07/2020 13:18

I empathise.
Last night I checked the price for the local Premier Inn. It's got that bad.

ohtheholidays · 29/07/2020 13:20

Do it OP,I've threatened the same but my DH is pretty good it's my kids I need a break from.

I'm ill and disabled and they all know this yet they still bitch over every tiny thing and drag me under all of the time!

My DH told me I should do it because he's had enough of how they've been with me and believe me he steps in all of the time!

My youngest is 12 so not babys that don't no any better.

There are alot of premier inns opened now and some travelodges so you shouldn't struggle to much to find somewhere to stay.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 29/07/2020 13:21

If you have a husband who goes off and plays golf everyday instead of helping to care for his own kids, you might be better off as a single parent. You wouldn't have to manage him behaving like a fuckwit and you'd get a break during his contact time. You're doing everything by yourself anyway - might as well take the useless lump completely out of the equation!

jessstan2 · 29/07/2020 13:22

This is just how you feel at the moment op, it will pass. Do leave the kids with husband sometimes to give yourself a break, we all need that.

User56781234 · 29/07/2020 13:23

After all, let’s say it’s been 6 weeks, 4 hours of golf a weekday, you have 120 hours to catch up on and it’s probably 12 weeks at least so 240 hours, count them!!

Or how about this. Tot up exactly what you do for a week, cost it out and present him with an itemised bill. Go on strike until he pays up. He can always pay you out of his golf funds.

justasking111 · 29/07/2020 13:24

I had a friend that buggered off for six months, saw the world. They did divorce his second wife fared better because he had seen the light.

PlanDeRaccordement · 29/07/2020 13:24

Just go for it. I always had business trips of 1-2weeks a few times a year plus a girls holiday with my friends once a year for a week. DH did admirably with our four every time. It’s good that they have them because it gives them an appreciation for what we do. DH had same, and that got me tonappreciate what he does day tobday as well. Often when it’s both of us doing child care and housework, we start thinking hmmm I’m doing more he’s useless. He’d think hmmm whys it take her twice as long as me, she’s taking advantage. So letting the other have all the kids full time usually makes you appreciate each other more.

Billyjoearmstrong · 29/07/2020 13:24

[quote Bargebill19]@Billyjoearmstrong

Are you sure his mum or/and sister didn’t turn up to do it for him??????[/quote]
No he did it all himself.

Mix56 · 29/07/2020 13:31

Disappearing for 24hours, & coming back to a smug tidy house... er. OK, But did he do the laundry? the ironing? get food in, or did he get take-aways or did he use the provisions you got in ? Did he let them stay up till they crumpled? did they bath? brush their teeth ? did he let them play on consoles 24/24, did he get them ready for school & get them there on time, baby in arms ????
& if they can do it, & it's so easy.... then it won't be a hardship to continue

FizzyGreenWater · 29/07/2020 13:32

Don't go for a weekend is the message here!

Yep, it's super easy to do all the shit for a weekend. Not even during the working week...

The difficulty is doing it WEEK IN WEEK OUT. Not as a one-off spurt of activity. So although even a week doesn't really give him a flavour of what it's like to have that relentless feeling, a week - or, better still, two - will do it.

It's not much when you think of the rest of your life, is it?

Two weeks: see, that's when you also have to factor in the daft stuff like running out of food and having to think childcare when organising something like a shop. Or remembering that it's black bag week.

If you can arrange to go away for a week please do so. If he's not utterly apologetic by near the end of it, extend it for another one.

Weekend is pointless.

youwereagoodcakeclyde · 29/07/2020 13:33

Do not tidy/prepare everything for going away. Calmly explain that when you go back to work there are going to be some big changes, so you are starting some of the adjustment now in preparation.