[quote OldLace]@IceCreamSummer20
Yes I agree.
BUT.... I am a 4 yrs and counting single parent of two teens with ASD. I have got so exhausted during lockdown that their (hopeless) Father has just agreed to take them camping for 5 nights (so I'll not be getting maintenance again then...). He's not great but they'll be safe. He wont appreciate me any more, but they might? anyway I get my first ever break of 5 days from parenting duties (as exH was rubbish when we were together too). I think if I'd not sorted it, I might have stopped coping - it's been really intense and I'm SO TIRED.
I have slept mostly for the first 3 days of it.
You cannot pour from an empty vessel and all that.
I hope you get the chance for some respite at some point, in a way that doesn't set your dc back (I get that, I really do!) xxx[/quote]
I totally and completely sympathize with you and your situation! I get that you need a break and we cannot just keep on - we are not super human! I wish I could take off some of the load for you!
I think it is the regular real sharing of good parenting that I desperately miss, like the OP, and you I imagine. To really truly share the parenting. It’s so sad for the kids, they really benefit from two parents - two actual parents - not someone Disney dadding or paying lip service. I know everyone is imperfect as a parent, but there is a minimum isn’t there? I wish we as a society valued good parenting more, and even recognized what it is! I’ve been labelled ‘controlling and bossy and rigid’ by Ex - to undermine me when actually I have spent years tuning in to DS and parent according to his needs. Ex then almost competes with me, by being completely lax and saying he’s fun and laid back. Unfortunately I do have some safety/ low level bullying concerns around Ex’s family - he was also passing on child minding to his teenage daughters, who don’t have a clue.
I really think we need to start recognizing what good parenting is - usually a compassionate, playful, patient, fairly organized, structured, in tune with the child but fair and the adult. It’s not a one off. It’s day in, day out, getting out of bed because of a child’s nightmare even though we have a migraine, wiping away tears because their friend went off them... it’s endless. We need two parents!