Favourite Harry Potter funny moments or lines

[wanderings]

The series had lots of funny scenes, as well as the dark overall tone. What were your favourite funny scenes in the books, films, or the stage play if you've seen it? Here are some which made me laugh out loud. Some of these scenes feel weirdly topical at the moment.

Order of the Phoenix:

• Professor McGonagall having her lesson inspected by Umbridge. "Obviously I knew you would be inspecting, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom!" Also the scene where Harry is sent to McGonagall. "For heaven's sake, Potter!" she said, straightening her glasses angrily (she had winced horribly when he had used Voldemort's name). "Do you think this is about truth or lies?"

Half Blood Prince: the chapter "The Other Minister", where the minister of magic meets the Muggle prime minister. I think that's one of the funniest scenes in the whole series. "The trouble is, the other side can do magic too, Prime Minister."

Deathly Hallows: the scenes with Phineas Nigellus, the snide and pompous Slytherin former head of Hogwarts. He also has some great moments in Order of the Phoenix:
"I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts, but you can't deny he's got style."
"You know, this is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so convinced they know everything."

None of the above scenes appeared in the films, only the books. However, one scene in the film of Order of the Phoenix which I think was superb was the one where barefoot Luna Lovegood explains to Harry about the invisible Thestrals.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

“Mad-Eye Moody?” said George thoughtfully, spreading marmalade on his toast. “Isn’t he that nutter -”

“Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody,” said Mrs. Weasley sternly.

“Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn’t he?” (said Fred )

Can't remember which book but from Hermione: "Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon..."

St Mungos at Christmas and the plum up the nose...

“Not my daughter, you bitch!” Has to be the best, surely?!

@mnahmnah

“Not my daughter, you bitch!” Has to be the best, surely?!

I thought that was a fabulous twist . Never underestimate the SAHM

I liked Flitwick keeping the swamp because it was a really good piece of magic, and McGonagall helping Peeves to untwist the chandalieer.

From the films, I always envied that Snape could bash heads together when naughty pupils were whispering

Definitely ‘not my daughter you bitch’

Ah a Harry Potter thread, lovely

My favourite lines are invariably Dumbledore's. E.g., from book 5, before the 'he's got style' line, that whole scene where the ministry try to arrest him.

'You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trial!'

'Ah,' said Dumbledore gently, 'yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag.'

Perfect!

Also

So, sneered Fudge, you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores and myself single handed, do you Dumbledore?
Merlin's beard, no, said Dumbledore smiling, not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.

Deathly hallows film - second part I think. Professor McGonagall enchants the stone knights to defend Hogworts and says, “I always wanted to do that,” and Mrs Weasley looks at her sideways,

Book 6 when Dumbledore come to fetch Harry from the Dursleys.

I don't mean to be rude - Vernon began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

• yet sadly accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often, Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. Best to say nothing at all, dear man.

A bit further on:

I would assume that you were going to offer me refreshment, Dumbledore said to Uncle Vernon, but the evidence so far suggests that that would be optimistic to the point of foolishness.

I can hardly remember many of these moments. I have a terrible memory for details in films and books. Inhvenugotnthebtonentonread all the books again, but I think I have a good reason to watch all the films again!

So, sneered Fudge, you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores and myself single handed, do you Dumbledore?
Merlin's beard, no, said Dumbledore smiling, not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.

I fucking love that bit!

Also from the same book, when Fred & George leave Hogwarts,

“Give her hell from us, Peeves." And Peeves, whom Harry had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.”

I actually "whooped" out loud, in public, when I read that bit. I was 20 years old!

Blimey, that’s quite a typo! Already corrected it once! It should say it haven’t got time to read all the books again’!

@Kittytheteapot

Book 6 when Dumbledore come to fetch Harry from the Dursleys.

I don't mean to be rude - Vernon began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

• yet sadly accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often, Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely. Best to say nothing at all, dear man.

A bit further on:

I would assume that you were going to offer me refreshment, Dumbledore said to Uncle Vernon, but the evidence so far suggests that that would be optimistic to the point of foolishness.

MN often makes me think of that

@SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito

So, sneered Fudge, you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores and myself single handed, do you Dumbledore? Merlin's beard, no, said Dumbledore smiling, not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.

I fucking love that bit!

Also from the same book, when Fred & George leave Hogwarts,

“Give her hell from us, Peeves." And Peeves, whom Harry had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.”

I actually "whooped" out loud, in public, when I read that bit. I was 20 years old!

I dont think you were the only one. And yet the bloody film makers left that out of the film! Unbelievable. It was such an iconic moment.

Have a biscuit, Potter

Also, not a funny line but I felt very moved in the last book when one of the Carrows spat in Mcgonagall's face (in the Ravenclaw common room I believe) and Harry takes his invisibility cloak off and says "you shouldn't have done that".

I loved the relationship between Harry and Mcgonagall.

I love that bit too, Golden. It's the way he justifies it to McGonagall,

“Potter!” whispered Professor McGonagall, clutching her heart. “Potter- you're here! What-? How---?” She struggled to pull herself together. “Potter, that was foolish!” “He spat at you,” said Harry.

No-one spits at McGonagall!!

When Hermione said, come over here Ron and i will do you.

What a PP said, Hermione’s emotional range of a teaspoon xx

Hagrid breaking the door down..."I did knock!'

So many, DS and I speak in Harry Potter quotes
Hermione trying to give Cattermole one of the puking pastilles "she shook the pastilles menacingly under his nose" - we use this a lot when offering a sweet.

All of "The other Minister" (specifically, "the prime minister remembered clutching the desk for support at this point")

Careers advice - "You, are, raving"

There are many more...

Another Mumsnet moment (perhaps I should have titled this thread HP Mumsnet moments) is at the beginning of Goblet of Fire, when Mrs Weasley sends Harry a letter absolutely covered in stamps, causing the postman to ring the doorbell. A terrible moment for the Dursleys!

Half Blood Prince was a great book: it was the last chance for them all to have a fun year before the woes of the final tome. That scene where Dumbledore turns up at the Dursleys is so priceless. It's also a Mumsnet moment when he says "Let us assume that you have warmly invited me into your house."

Also just before we meet Slughorn, Harry asks why they can't Apparate directly into his house. Dumbledore replies "because it would be quite as rude as kicking down the front door. Courtesy dictates that we offer fellow wizards the opportunity of refusing us entry."

"Professor Slughorn loves the company of the famous. He has never wanted to occupy the throne himself: he prefers the back seat, more room to spread out, you see."

Harry (to Snape): "There is no need to call me 'sir', Professor."

When Luna does the Quidditch commentary. "She did not seem interested in such mundane things as the score: she kept trying to draw the crowd's attention to interestingly-shaped clouds, and one of the Hufflepuff players suffering from 'Loser's Lurgy'."

@StandWithYou I too loved that moment of the whole school defending itself against Voldemort, suit of armour and all; it was a great sense of community. McGonagall says "I think we can hold him off for a while: we teachers are pretty good at magic."

Also, while not particularly funny, I loved the whole idea of "Howlers": letters which shrieked insults or reprimands for the whole school to hear. Poor Ron! Only Mrs Weasley would subject her son to such a terrible humiliation (and Mrs Longbottom). I wondered how anyone wrote Howlers: did they have to dictate it into their wands? It could be another Mumsnet thing: AIBU to send my DD a Howler?

@yoloyohol The line "emotional range of a teaspoon" is in Order of the Phoenix, when Hermione is patiently explaining to Harry why his date with Cho Chang did not go well. She recites a long list of the things Cho must be feeling, and Ron says "if anyone felt all those things at once, their head would explode". That's when Hermione retorts "just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have".

"What are Fred and I? Next door neighbours?"

Happiness can be found in the darkest of places, if one only remembers to turn on the light ❤️

Professor Flitwick had dried himself off and set Seamus lines ("I am a wizard not a baboon brandishing a stick")

I loved the Apparition Lesson, with Wilkie Twycross and his three D's.

"Never mind, never mind," said Twycross, who did not seem to have expected anything better. In fact, I have a party trick to make children think they have Apparated from one end of the room to the other.