Help me rise above Ex h jibes over child maintenance

[Wilburgh]

I’m not having the greatest time at the moment. Tough pregnancy, elderly and difficult relative with cancer. I’m not in the best of moods.

Ds turns 18 in September. He had one more year of college to go but found last year tough. He was pushed into a course he didn’t want to do but there wasn’t much else choice wise, he was miserable.

He’s decided to work for a year or two. Luckily the company that Dh works for had some data entry positions, Ds applied and got one. So now he’ll have some breathing space to figure out what he wants to do, Maybe return to education next year. It’s thinking time anyway.

He told his dad, my ex h. We split when Ds was 6, he’s hated me ever since. Uses every opportunity to be snarky and to try and get one over on me. I’m usually very good at giving no reaction.

He does pay maintenance but it’s nothing like what he should be paying given his wage - he tells me tales of woe but he’s very high up in a large company, always has been since we were together and a quick google tells you his job title, so I don’t know why he feels the need to lie (aside from money) But you know what, he’s made my life miserable enough over the years that I’ve let it Go.

Received this text this morning “seeing a Ds has decided to forgo his education the money I paid you last week will be the last payment you will get as he’s no longer in full time education. Good luck supporting your own child from now on”

For fucks sake. He’s been such a twat over the years.

I’m not replying.

I would like to reply with “oh, shut up you cunt” but I won’t.

Block his number.

Fair enough for formal CM to stop if DS is getting a FT job but does he think he just isn't a parent anymore? A lot of parents support their adult children financially and emotionally especially when they are in low paid jobs but wanting to do good life things like driving lessons etc. He clearly couldn't wait to wash his hands of you both which is really sad if DS is working for his company. I doubt your ex's colleagues would be impressed. Have a glass of whatever you fancy to celebrate being financially free of the twat!

Sorry Ds will be working for my Dh company - not his dads.

And yes, fair enough now he’s not in full time education. It’s just the “good luck with supporting your own child” that gets me.

Honestly, send him that message. Just let your ds know you’re sending a message and why so your horrible ex can’t hold it over you. What an idiot he is!

He’s always held CM over my head like he’s doing some great service to me. So yes it’s a relief.

It’s just the attitude and yet another dig.

And he will never give Ds a penny. Everything falls to me and my Dh - which is fine. Of course we don’t mind. Even when Ds went to stay with them a few years ago for a week and his shoes broke, ex h bought him a new pair and then took the price off the next months maintanance payment. That’s how petty he’s been over the years! So many things like that.

It’s been 12 years now. He’s married with 3 more kids. How can anyone keep up being a dick for that long.

Don't send any message. Block his number. Know that you have been a brilliant mother and that you have stepped up and raised your son with nothing more than the occasional bag of peanuts from your ex.

He's a twat. You're amazing. Move on. You never have to deal with that wanker again.

Well done on raising your son.

I don't see anything wrong with "oh shut up you cunt". Just don't respond any further than that. I'd not take the high ground there (I'm not a particular far of the moral high ground anyway. The moral nadir tends to be more satisfying both long and short term, but then I don't do feeling guilty either...), I'd definitely take the vague insult route instead.

Tbh I would just text back something along the lines of how sad that you don’t consider your son your child, that explains a lot over the years, but at least it means I no longer have to have anything to do with you

Then block

Yeah, I’ve always tried to take the high ground. Mainly in the hope that if I never retaliate and stay resonance then he will stop being a dick. It’s not worked so far.

He’s pushed Ds away over the years though with his behaviour and then wonders why Ds hardly ever wants to visit. It’s quite sad for Ds really.

@Chloemol

Tbh I would just text back something along the lines of how sad that you don’t consider your son your child, that explains a lot over the years, but at least it means I no longer have to have anything to do with you

Then block

His whole family are like that. I left him (mainly because Of him shagging his way around the world on business trips and had a affair with his best friends wife, but hey, that was my fault!) and he used to almost rejoice in telling me that his parents would ask how I was going to support MY child without him (as in, even they would say how is she going to support HER child, which is a totally bizzare thing for grandparents to say!)

But then when it suits him, he’s all “MY son” so I can’t work out what’s going on in his head.

Imagine living inside his head?!

What a sad, bitter life he leads. At least you never have to worry whether you made the right decision to leave him.

Don't respond. Don't give him the satisfaction. He's not worth it; your silence will annoy him far more.

Don’t do it. Replying like that will give him the oxygen to reply again about how unreasonable and difficult you are. Your son is nearly 18. Block your ex’s number, there’s no need for him to be able to contact you

Have some fun thinking of witty and vague replies. Then delete them all without sending and move on.

A cheery 'you're welcome' with a wave emoji?

Or 'good luck with being a twat'

Or 'don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out'

Or there are many 'see you later' gifs to send.

But actually just live a good life as the nice parent and human you are.

It’ll annoy him far more waiting for a response that doesn’t come. It really will.

I would be tempted with "Oh good, you can finally fuck off out our lives forever"

@upsidedownwavylegs

It’ll annoy him far more waiting for a response that doesn’t come. It really will.

Oh I know it will.

It’s a bloody pathetic way to live though, isn’t it? I don’t know why he can’t just be normal.

I don’t know why he can’t just be normal.

The wonderful thing is, this is now officially Not Your Problem.

Congratulations

@Wilburgh

Yeah, I’ve always tried to take the high ground. Mainly in the hope that if I never retaliate and stay resonance then he will stop being a dick. It’s not worked so far.

He’s pushed Ds away over the years though with his behaviour and then wonders why Ds hardly ever wants to visit. It’s quite sad for Ds really.

OP I'd write what you want out here, get it off your chest. Really let rip! Then block his number. You're finally free of the cunt! Spend some of the last maintenance payment on a massive bottle of champagne. 😂

yeah no response. But sympathies OP, my ex is similarly dick-ish about CM. it's his last means of control over me. Mine just resents paying it. I don't see why these men see it as payments to their exes rather than supporting THEIR OWN CHILDREN .

I’d vent on here and think ‘fuck you, you dick’ in my head and be all sweetness and light if you have to deal with him. You can’t make him be a decent human being, sadly.

My exH stopped supporting our DS2 as soon as he left secondary education, despite the fact he has SN and is unlikely to get a job without a lot of support, even less likely in this climate. He also stopped taking him on holiday (usually a week in Weymouth or Tenby) while still having Caribbean holidays with his new wife. So poor old DS2 only gets a holiday with me now, as he’s never likely to have a relationship or friends, sadly. He ‘promised’ he’d spend quality time with him instead, guess what, it’s never happened. Some men are wankers.

When people are utter shitheads to me via message, if I can be bothered to reply then 👍 normally does the trick.

We both know I'm not really agreeing with them but it gives me plausible deniability and I get the pleasure of knowing that what I actually mean is 'go shove your thumb up your arse'.

"I've been biting my tongue in response to your ridiculous antics for x years, but your text saying he's my son not ours actually takes the biscuit. So DO FUCK OFF DEAR. "
Then make sure it's read, then block on all possible fronts.

Thank god for that. This message is 12 years overdue - oh do fuck off you complete cunt. Love Wilburgh x

And then I'd block him.

If he is money orientated, likes nice expensive items And you still know some of the same people etc I’d be tempted to say something along the lines of ‘its been pointed out recently that you really are struggling financially at the moment, I was going to text and tell you to stop paying the maintenance as we really don’t need it’.