I've really fucked up with work

[SleepingIdiot]

I know I should probably be posting in employment but hoping there's more traffic here.

I've NC'd for this and I'm going to try not to make it too outing.

I've been working from home since about two weeks after lockdown began. Occasional visits in to the office for meetings or picking things up etc but mostly at home. I was put in a different department so didn't really have much contact with my manager but she kept up with what I was doing through the manager of the 'new' dept if that makes sense

So I've been back with my old team for a little while, still wfh but back on the stuff that I'd usually be doing (with a lot of adaptations, my role is normally very people centric)

The other day I fell asleep. On my floor. Sat down to stretch out and woke up to missed calls, voicemails and even my next of kin calling because they'd been contacted by work. We're talking flat out, dead to the world for at least 4 hours. Obviously I feel horrendous about this. I work hard and hate to think about letting anyone down. I know lockdown is rough on everyone but my ex decided he wasn't going to see the children for all of lockdown so I haven't had a break childcare wise since March. My kids are high needs, one confirmed SEN and the other suspected. They're gorgeous but utterly exhausting. I also have low b12 and I don't think the supplements I'm being prescribed are helping at all (I have booked in with GP to get bloods done). Plus the mental strain of working completely differently to how I'm used to, no separation of home and work (no spare room so 'office' is living room), migraines, medicated depression.

I can understand why I fell asleep but I'm terrified of fessing up to manager. I waffled when I called and sounded very vague about what I was doing when I 'disappeared' because I panicked and didn't want to say that I'd fallen asleep. Now I don't know what to do. Manager has requested we meet up to discuss it all and I just don't know how it's going to go, if I should bring someone...haven't been formally notified it's a disciplinary so that's something I suppose

I feel like the shittest person in the world, like I've let everyone down and that I'm useless and am going to be marked forever as a flake when I really need to progress my career to earn more as my children grow up and the maintenance disappears!

I have a plan for ensuring this doesn't happen again, obviously GP, and I'm going to start coming into the office every morning so that I can be seen to be there and working and hopefully won't fall asleep with the noise and other people around!

So, sorry, massively long post later. How the hell do I approach this meeting? Confess everything or do a milder version of the truth? Suggest I'm not as productive at home and am going to return to the office as I seem better able to concentrate and work in that environment? Or does that make me sound even more stupid? I've just had a really good appraisal, never given cause for them to doubt my work before but I was signed off for a couple of months last year with mental health issues and don't want them thinking I need kid glove treatment or that I'm a liability. But maybe I am just a massive bloody liability.
Urgh I'm such a fuckwit

You're not a fuckwit. You're obviously sick. Healthy people don't fall unconscious in the middle of the day for several hours and fail to be roused by their phone ringing.

That was very long but you could just say that you collapsed, and you are now seeking medical treatment.

Just tell the truth. You haven't done anything wrong, you've had a really stressful and intense few months and you're exhausted. It sounds like you know what is needed to resolve the situation so its honestly not a problem, although it might seem like it to you at the moment. Any decent manager will want to help you and make sure you're ok

Explain that you were ill and you're attending your GP to investigate.

If it helps, I once fell asleep when I was pregnant and working from home. Face down on the couch during a team meeting. I wasn't hosting and no one ever mentioned it but I was mortified.

I think you’re worrying about this more than you need to.
I would tell your manager that you’ve been unwell, which has become worse since lockdown. You were unwell the day you fell asleep but you’ve made arrangements to see the gp.
I’d probably also add in you’re looking forward to your ex being a bit more hands on and getting back into the office, to resume some normality.
Then I’d apologise, that you were so unwell you disappeared off the radar and hope to be sorted out quickly. Don’t mention you fell asleep or what’s wrong with you. Just apologise and say it won’t happen again.

I would think your manager probably has some idea of the stress you've been under if they're any good, and hopefully will be setting out to see what they can do to help. I think describing it as sick/ stress related would be fair under the circumstances. You probably don't realise how stressed you have been coping through all this!

Yeah, agree with pp, you're obviously physically and mentally exhausted. You're seeing your doctor about it. I can't see how they can be awkward about it.

That doesn't sound like sleep, that sounds like unconsciousness.

"I'm sorry, I feel very embarrassed about this, but I actually fell unconscious for 4 hours. None of your calls roused me, and I was disorientated and scared when I came around. I'm struggling at home with some medical stuff under investigation and two SEN children who have been at home with me for 5 months without a break and I'm worried that I might be on the edge of burnout and maybe this is a symptom of exhaustion. I've got a doctor's appointment booked for Monday to discuss what happened and here's my plan for working in the office instead of at home to help me manage my situation to avoid burning out completely while I get tests and treatment sorted."

I agree, DONT say you fell asleep. Say you passed out and GP now investigating. I think that sounds much better. Get a GP sick note for a week off? It sounds like you desperately need to recharge.

I'd be honest. I'd say I'm embarrassed, but that I felt funny and sat on the floor to take five and collapsed, that I'm seeking help from the GP, and that I'd rather start coming into the office because being at home like this has obviously taken a toll on me and you need some normality.

I'm not good at lying.

God thank you everyone for your replies. Can't remember who said it was a long post but yep, read it back and it was a bit epic! Thanks for sticking with it.

Sound advice from everyone as well. Reading your replies it all sounds so obvious. Clearly I'm in too much of a flap to think clearly.

Thank you all of you. Feeling a lot calmer at least and hopefully won't be dreading it all over the weekend.

oh poor you, I can imagine how panicked and awful you felt when you woke up. just tell the truth. don’t tell them you fell unconscious! explain the circumstances and that you fell asleep

I would just say you were suddenly unwell and you're sorry and not go into details - you'll only get more stressed about having to keep up whatever story you tell them. They sound a bit intense OP...they rang your next of kin?

Oh OP I did something similar, but for an hour not 4. My manager was really really understanding about it, key worker, lone parent, mix of community and WFH, childcare provision a bit sporadic and rocky, no other help for childcare at that time due to lockdown rules. Financially strained, mentally and physically exhausted.

You are unwell and you are seeing your GP. It honestly sounds like you were in a deep deep sleep which only really occurs from exhaustion.

As others have said explain to your manager you took a funny turn, woke up on the floor and are now seeking medical help and advice.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

If its any consolation your not alone OP. I fell asleep while working from home, and found my boss and colleagues had tried to contact me. My manager was lovely though, I told her that since lockdown I havent been sleeping well and basically surviving on a couple of hours sleep at night. The day I fell asleep I was working in my bedroom and my DDs BF was working downstairs and on a team call. I was basically too comfortable sitting up against my pillow and my eyes closed and I was off. My manager told me to take some time off to get myself rested, your manager may suprise you.

My DS is working at my home at the moment while he is having work done on his place. I went in the lounge to offer him a drink and found him lying sparko on the sofa with the dog sleeping in the same position next to him...So you are not alone, lockdown is causing stress and sleep issues, I hope that makes you feel a little better OP

I also think it sounds very much like you passed out given nothing woke you. It is clearly a medical issue and I would explain it that way. I was a manager and had someone vanish off the face of the earth for six hours. I did call a meeting but more than anything I was worried as it was really out of character. We just wanted to put something in place to support her.

Yes, definately get your bloods checked as that is worrying that you werent even woken by your phone.

Where were your children? Sorry if you said - I did skim read and couldnt see if you said

I would say you were unwell rather than asleep.
Hopefully they just want to check you're ok as it's out of character.

I would say call your GP tomorrow and explain to them what happened. Ask them outright if their medical opinion is actually that you 'fell asleep'. I think they'll explain to you in much more professional terms exactly what happened and why. Most likely that you did indeed pass out, not fall asleep. I'm not saying that anybody here is wrong at all, quite the opposite. Once you have it confirmed professionally, you'll feel so much more confident explaining it to your manager after the weekend. That is certainly what I would do.

Or to explain it in a different way; picture saying 'I passed out for four hours and now I'm waiting for tests'. Then instead, picture saying 'I passed out on the floor, when I woke up I felt awful because I assumed I had fallen asleep. But I was also very worried about the fact that my phone didn't wake me even once. So I contacted the GP, who confirmed this is a sign of severe exhaustion and now I'm waiting for further tests and treatment'.

Tbh OP it doesn't sound like you fell asleep at all, it definitely sounds like a medical episode given nothing roused your for 4 whole hours, on a hard floor, in the middle of the day with the phone ringing frequently.

You're not lying if you say you passed out! Seeing the doctor is the best thing to do.

@Jenasaurus thank you, it is good to know I'm not alone in this!

@InsertHilariousUserName my children have just started at a childminder for the hours I'm at work. Well, actually less an hour as I can't drop off until half an hour into my working hours and then I have to pick them up half an hour before my working day ends. So then I do an hour with them loaded up with snacks and tv before getting them dinner. This is much better than before when I was working with them in the house! Thank god for Netflix!

I hadn't really considered in terms of being unconscious rather than just falling asleep. That does sound more...credible I suppose than being lazy and sleeping on the job!

I thought you were going to say you haven’t done any work while working from home!

You sound unwell and exhausted. Please be kind to yourself. There are some cheeky fuckers taking advantage of the pandemic (I have a few at my work) but you definitely aren’t one of them.

It must be hard reading on Mumsnet and social media how much everyone is loving wfh but it’s not wonderful for everyone.

You were suddenly unwell. It happens to everyone. No need to elaborate to your manager

You haven't done anything wrong

Well, yes, sleeping at work is wrong.

However, clearly everyone is under great deal of strain.

I'd go with a vague ' unwell'....seeing a GP, and offer to make up lost time.