I've really fucked up with work

[SleepingIdiot]

I know I should probably be posting in employment but hoping there's more traffic here.

I've NC'd for this and I'm going to try not to make it too outing.

I've been working from home since about two weeks after lockdown began. Occasional visits in to the office for meetings or picking things up etc but mostly at home. I was put in a different department so didn't really have much contact with my manager but she kept up with what I was doing through the manager of the 'new' dept if that makes sense

So I've been back with my old team for a little while, still wfh but back on the stuff that I'd usually be doing (with a lot of adaptations, my role is normally very people centric)

The other day I fell asleep. On my floor. Sat down to stretch out and woke up to missed calls, voicemails and even my next of kin calling because they'd been contacted by work. We're talking flat out, dead to the world for at least 4 hours. Obviously I feel horrendous about this. I work hard and hate to think about letting anyone down. I know lockdown is rough on everyone but my ex decided he wasn't going to see the children for all of lockdown so I haven't had a break childcare wise since March. My kids are high needs, one confirmed SEN and the other suspected. They're gorgeous but utterly exhausting. I also have low b12 and I don't think the supplements I'm being prescribed are helping at all (I have booked in with GP to get bloods done). Plus the mental strain of working completely differently to how I'm used to, no separation of home and work (no spare room so 'office' is living room), migraines, medicated depression.

I can understand why I fell asleep but I'm terrified of fessing up to manager. I waffled when I called and sounded very vague about what I was doing when I 'disappeared' because I panicked and didn't want to say that I'd fallen asleep. Now I don't know what to do. Manager has requested we meet up to discuss it all and I just don't know how it's going to go, if I should bring someone...haven't been formally notified it's a disciplinary so that's something I suppose

I feel like the shittest person in the world, like I've let everyone down and that I'm useless and am going to be marked forever as a flake when I really need to progress my career to earn more as my children grow up and the maintenance disappears!

I have a plan for ensuring this doesn't happen again, obviously GP, and I'm going to start coming into the office every morning so that I can be seen to be there and working and hopefully won't fall asleep with the noise and other people around!

So, sorry, massively long post later. How the hell do I approach this meeting? Confess everything or do a milder version of the truth? Suggest I'm not as productive at home and am going to return to the office as I seem better able to concentrate and work in that environment? Or does that make me sound even more stupid? I've just had a really good appraisal, never given cause for them to doubt my work before but I was signed off for a couple of months last year with mental health issues and don't want them thinking I need kid glove treatment or that I'm a liability. But maybe I am just a massive bloody liability.
Urgh I'm such a fuckwit

You were too embarrassed and disorientated to say anything yesterday just after it happened.

tell the truth, if you lie and say you felt unwell, had d+v migraine etc they may ask why didnt you tell anyone rather than disappearing

Hi op as a long term people manager if someone told me what had happened- the back story about home and personal life that is mitigation in my eyes- i would look to see if we can adapt hours or provide some leave
Also encourage you to speak to your GP your clearly exhausted
If its not a pattern of behaviour which it doesnt appear to be I wouldn't be pushing it hard just offering support

As a manager it is much better if someone fesses up to something or is open if struggling - you can work with that. Problems arise if people are not transparent.

@Somethingkindaoooo

You haven't done anything wrong

Well, yes, sleeping at work is wrong.

However, clearly everyone is under great deal of strain.

I'd go with a vague ' unwell'....seeing a GP, and offer to make up lost time.

It would be wrong if it was deliberate. Doing some stretches and falling in to a deep sleep you cannot be roused from for 4 hours is not "wrong". It highlights something is wrong and as the OP is already seeking help from her GP, she is best placed to be open with her manager.

If anything work may be able to support her, but to do so they need to know what is wrong.

And by open I mean stating she had a sudden bout of feeling unwell which she is addressing with her GP, as per PPs.

theemmadilemma
If one of my team went MIA for 4 hours when they were supposed to be on shift by 4 hours in with no other options their NOK is the only place to start to check they are ok. I would be worried! And we've had appropriate cause, and an upsetting outcome of those calls before.

How awful. On reflection you're quite right. I've had people not turn up and it is worrying. Luckily, it's always been a case of an apt not in the diary etc. and contact has been made after and hour or two - 4 hours would be really worrying.

Tell the truth, you are obviously exhausted. Can you take a weeks annual leave soon? You need a break

They can’t help you if you don’t tell the truth. They were obviously worried about you.
Don’t see the meeting as you being in trouble.
Hope you feel better soon.

You poor thing! I have sleep issues but no children .

They bloody should be understanding.

Yeah style it out ...say you were unwell and passed out .

OP,

You poor woman.

I'm so sorry that you are being so hard on yourself for being unwell.

I too think telling them you collapse at home and woke dazed and confused and are having tests with your GP.

@VeganCow...as suggested.

Low B12 can be extremely debilitating.

Unless you are working for cowboy outfit, they should be very concerned about you.

People feel unwell...fact of life.
Absolutely NOTHING to apologise for or feel bad about.

I hope things get easier soon.

As PPs have said, I would tell them the truth. You're under strain, exhausted and passed out, and are now seeking medical advice. I know my boss would much rather we tell her the truth than try and fudge our way out of stuff.

You're not alone either OP, when we were both working from home I walked into the lounge and found my DP asleep on the couch a couple of times, he has a job that requires a lot of intense focus and fiddly detail, then periods of sitting and waiting, he was comfy and not occupied with anything so he dozed off. The only thing that's kept me from doing it at times is that I sit on a stool at my dressing table and would fall off

I suffer from B12 deficiency (pernicious anaemia) and before being put onto regular injections I would sit down and fall asleep for 2 hours, sleep all night and still feel exhausted.

I would go with the “fell unconscious and am following up with my GP” approach.

How did it go @SleepingIdiot?

Hi everyone

Thanks so much for all the advice and reassurance. I managed to get the kids staying with relatives for the weekend. This isn't a long term solution at all but as a one off it was needed.

I slept the whole weekend. Like, all day, all night. I assume I must have gone to the bathroom on occasion because I haven't wet the bed but two days of sleeping. As you might imagine I feel a bit weird and wobbly now and am frantically drinking water to try and rehydrate

This isn't ok. I'm going to call the dr in the morning because something very odd is going on. Meeting with work happening next week so hopefully I'll have something concrete to tell them after gp visit. I've got a telephone consult booked in to request bloods but they couldn't do that until August and I think I need seeing sooner than that.

Bloody hell that’s not normal OP. Hope you get things sorted with the GP

@SleepingIdiot please DO NOT ask for your B12 levels to be checked. Once you are taking supplements then your test results can give a false high reading. Please ask to join Vitamin B12 Wakeup on Facebook. Maybe get your thyroid checked. Tbh though, prolonged stress with no break in childcare can produce extreme exhaustion.

it can take months of taking b12 to get normal levels so this isn't a short fix

I hope you get a root cause & treatment plan soon

hold your hands up and confess - honesty is the best policy. If you don't, they'll think you have something to hide - tell them why though.

Not a doctor OP and sorry if this has been mentioned already but maybe check symptoms of diabetes?

Hope all is ok

I overslept and missed the start of the shift I was doing = logged on to find loads of conversation about how they could get hold of me, and debates about what may be happening. I contemplated telling a story about why but ended up telling the truth -I was exhausted and slept through the alarm. Everyone was really nice and supportive. If you are not honest with them, how can they support you?

[quote EveningNibble]@SleepingIdiot please DO NOT ask for your B12 levels to be checked. Once you are taking supplements then your test results can give a false high reading. Please ask to join Vitamin B12 Wakeup on Facebook. Maybe get your thyroid checked. Tbh though, prolonged stress with no break in childcare can produce extreme exhaustion.[/quote]
Yes! And GPs have not got the message on this- so you get a course of injections and then they try to reduce it based on a misleading blood test. Though they must know if in a way because when this happened I insisted my dp’s injections continued and the surgery just agreed. That sounds made up I know! Oh the pernicious anaemia society uk are good on this too.

So, a little update although not a particularly productive one. Managed to get bloods done so waiting for those results. GP ordered a screen of pretty much everything so we'll see what happens. I've had 'thyroidy' symptoms since my youngest child was born but nothing has ever been conclusive in testing (frustratingly). I'd love to have the b12 injections I'm convinced the oral tablets are doing nothing so I will be investigating that further.

As for boss. In a marvellous piece of irony they're off sick so my meeting has been cancelled. It'll be rescheduled when they return. I did respond to the cancellation email by saying I'd welcome the chance to talk through everything as there were things I wanted to go over so she's got a heads up at least.

Fell asleep putting the kids to bed and constantly feel hungover. I will take ALL the supplements through whatever injection there is if it makes me feel normal again