I've really fucked up with work

[SleepingIdiot]

I know I should probably be posting in employment but hoping there's more traffic here.

I've NC'd for this and I'm going to try not to make it too outing.

I've been working from home since about two weeks after lockdown began. Occasional visits in to the office for meetings or picking things up etc but mostly at home. I was put in a different department so didn't really have much contact with my manager but she kept up with what I was doing through the manager of the 'new' dept if that makes sense

So I've been back with my old team for a little while, still wfh but back on the stuff that I'd usually be doing (with a lot of adaptations, my role is normally very people centric)

The other day I fell asleep. On my floor. Sat down to stretch out and woke up to missed calls, voicemails and even my next of kin calling because they'd been contacted by work. We're talking flat out, dead to the world for at least 4 hours. Obviously I feel horrendous about this. I work hard and hate to think about letting anyone down. I know lockdown is rough on everyone but my ex decided he wasn't going to see the children for all of lockdown so I haven't had a break childcare wise since March. My kids are high needs, one confirmed SEN and the other suspected. They're gorgeous but utterly exhausting. I also have low b12 and I don't think the supplements I'm being prescribed are helping at all (I have booked in with GP to get bloods done). Plus the mental strain of working completely differently to how I'm used to, no separation of home and work (no spare room so 'office' is living room), migraines, medicated depression.

I can understand why I fell asleep but I'm terrified of fessing up to manager. I waffled when I called and sounded very vague about what I was doing when I 'disappeared' because I panicked and didn't want to say that I'd fallen asleep. Now I don't know what to do. Manager has requested we meet up to discuss it all and I just don't know how it's going to go, if I should bring someone...haven't been formally notified it's a disciplinary so that's something I suppose

I feel like the shittest person in the world, like I've let everyone down and that I'm useless and am going to be marked forever as a flake when I really need to progress my career to earn more as my children grow up and the maintenance disappears!

I have a plan for ensuring this doesn't happen again, obviously GP, and I'm going to start coming into the office every morning so that I can be seen to be there and working and hopefully won't fall asleep with the noise and other people around!

So, sorry, massively long post later. How the hell do I approach this meeting? Confess everything or do a milder version of the truth? Suggest I'm not as productive at home and am going to return to the office as I seem better able to concentrate and work in that environment? Or does that make me sound even more stupid? I've just had a really good appraisal, never given cause for them to doubt my work before but I was signed off for a couple of months last year with mental health issues and don't want them thinking I need kid glove treatment or that I'm a liability. But maybe I am just a massive bloody liability.
Urgh I'm such a fuckwit

Fell asleep putting the kids to bed and constantly feel hungover. I will take ALL the supplements through whatever injection there is if it makes me feel normal again

Oh OP, that sounds rotten. I am glad your GP has requested full bloods.

Just wondering if it may be chronic fatigue syndrome or similar? I have a colleague with it who, although she doesn't fall asleep for hours on end (to my knowledge), she does have days where she works from her bed because sitting up is simply too much of an effort. All the result of a bad infection a few years ago.

OP I’m an employment lawyer and I’ve dealt with three gross misconduct dismissals for employees falling asleep at work.

In all three cases they were only dismissed because they were dishonest, tried to lie and wriggle their way out, or put someone at risk by being asleep.

Please don’t lie to your employer. Your workplace will have a sickness reporting procedure which you’d be in breach of if you went AWOL with a migraine or D&V like PPs have suggested and that could still get you into trouble.

You are quite clearly ill and doing everything reasonable to prevent it happening again in the future. Any reasonable employer should think that’s enough.

Be honest, say you passed out due to exhaustion and a vitamin deficiency but you are having further tests and pushing for treatment to ensure it doesn’t happen again. And if you made the hours back you missed, tell them that too.

Good luck with the meeting and hope you’re feeling a bit better.

Hope you get to the bottom of it

Bloods all normal. Iron reserves slightly low but apparently not low enough to cause the levels of fatigue I'm feeling. Drs best guess is post viral fatigue and/or stress induced exhaustion.

Still no meeting and had to take a day for a migraine so I've now got a sickness meeting scheduled. I guess we'll talk about it all then. I'm going to tell the truth rather than trying to blame d&v or whatever, now that I've spoken to you all I can see how it was an unusual event rather than a lazy one!

Gp was lovely and said if I'm still feeling awful in a couple of weeks to come back and she'll start doing some further digging.

Whatever's going on it's annoying and I'm fed up with it. I'm only awake now because I fell asleep in my sons bed again and woke up with cramp and still dressed 🙄

Bless you i hope you feel better soon

Hi- does your office have occupational health? I’d consider self certification for a week off, try and eat well and sleep at structured times. Keep a diary. Be persistent with GM this isn’t right. Also. Check carbon levels and sleep with windows wide open. Is boiler serviced?

@madroid

I agree, DONT say you fell asleep. Say you passed out and GP now investigating. I think that sounds much better. Get a GP sick note for a week off? It sounds like you desperately need to recharge.

I agree. Doesn't sound like you feel asleep to me, but fell unconscious.

As someone that used to work in HR, you haven’t massively fucked up. I’ve seen worse!

In fact I think your management are overreacting by wanting a formal meeting to discuss what happened. Yes, it’s an “unauthorised absence” I suppose, but in the current climate of COVID-19 pandemic/lockdown/WFH, I don’t think it’s particularly unusual. We are in unprecedented times after all. It’s OTT that they started contacting your next of kin, seems disproportionate to the situation.

I don’t think you should overshare your health concerns if you don’t want to. Declaring that you fell asleep may seem unprofessional, but saying that you were unconscious may make them extremely concerned for you. They might want an occupational health assessment to check if you’re fit to work, this could eg lead to them reducing your responsibilities as they wouldn’t want to overwork you. Which could hamper your career progression.

Have you been employed by them for over 2 years?

Update: back in work today and had my meeting (didn't realise that was happening until I checked my emails when I got in!)

Manager super sympathetic. Referring me to occy health but admits it's a box ticking exercise as she doesn't know what they might do. Then told me to go home for at least a week . She was pleased I've been into GP already and encouraged me to keep chasing if I need further investigations.

Thank you so much everyone for all the support on here, it is such a relief to know I have a week to rest and recharge and hopefully find my groove again. We've also discussed me coming into the office more frequently (staff are on a rota to avoid too much interaction) as I'd said I find it much better when I'm in and around people as this seems to boost me and helps my productivity. So this is something else being put in place for my return.

I'm going to go and sleep now and probably have a big cry because I'm so relieved and tired and all over the place!

What a positive update OP - glad your manager is being good about it. I hope it really is post viral fatigue and you start feeling better soon.

Fab update! Hope you get some good rest in your week off.

Great update. I hope a week's rest helps & hopefully your GP will get to the bottom of it. Definitely worth an Occ Health referral too

Already feeling so much more relaxed. Still absolutely shattered but at least I know I can take it easy and not worry about work on Monday.
Again, thank you so much everyone on this thread for your support, it really helped calm me down and be upfront about what was going on with my manager. I'm going to keep chasing up the GP if the time off doesn't help but at least I know work have got my back.

Glad you're resting