I've really fucked up with work

[SleepingIdiot]

I know I should probably be posting in employment but hoping there's more traffic here.

I've NC'd for this and I'm going to try not to make it too outing.

I've been working from home since about two weeks after lockdown began. Occasional visits in to the office for meetings or picking things up etc but mostly at home. I was put in a different department so didn't really have much contact with my manager but she kept up with what I was doing through the manager of the 'new' dept if that makes sense

So I've been back with my old team for a little while, still wfh but back on the stuff that I'd usually be doing (with a lot of adaptations, my role is normally very people centric)

The other day I fell asleep. On my floor. Sat down to stretch out and woke up to missed calls, voicemails and even my next of kin calling because they'd been contacted by work. We're talking flat out, dead to the world for at least 4 hours. Obviously I feel horrendous about this. I work hard and hate to think about letting anyone down. I know lockdown is rough on everyone but my ex decided he wasn't going to see the children for all of lockdown so I haven't had a break childcare wise since March. My kids are high needs, one confirmed SEN and the other suspected. They're gorgeous but utterly exhausting. I also have low b12 and I don't think the supplements I'm being prescribed are helping at all (I have booked in with GP to get bloods done). Plus the mental strain of working completely differently to how I'm used to, no separation of home and work (no spare room so 'office' is living room), migraines, medicated depression.

I can understand why I fell asleep but I'm terrified of fessing up to manager. I waffled when I called and sounded very vague about what I was doing when I 'disappeared' because I panicked and didn't want to say that I'd fallen asleep. Now I don't know what to do. Manager has requested we meet up to discuss it all and I just don't know how it's going to go, if I should bring someone...haven't been formally notified it's a disciplinary so that's something I suppose

I feel like the shittest person in the world, like I've let everyone down and that I'm useless and am going to be marked forever as a flake when I really need to progress my career to earn more as my children grow up and the maintenance disappears!

I have a plan for ensuring this doesn't happen again, obviously GP, and I'm going to start coming into the office every morning so that I can be seen to be there and working and hopefully won't fall asleep with the noise and other people around!

So, sorry, massively long post later. How the hell do I approach this meeting? Confess everything or do a milder version of the truth? Suggest I'm not as productive at home and am going to return to the office as I seem better able to concentrate and work in that environment? Or does that make me sound even more stupid? I've just had a really good appraisal, never given cause for them to doubt my work before but I was signed off for a couple of months last year with mental health issues and don't want them thinking I need kid glove treatment or that I'm a liability. But maybe I am just a massive bloody liability.
Urgh I'm such a fuckwit

I would simply say that I felt unwell, went to bed for a while and fell asleep. Honestly their reaction to not being able to contact you sounds rather dramatic to me!

Tell your manager that you were suddenly unwell for a few hours and that you are getting help from your GP.

You dont need to give your manager your symptoms, they arent a doctor.

Tell your manager that you were suddenly unwell for a few hours and that you are getting help from your GP. You dont need to give your manager your symptoms, they arent a doctor.

This. Don't give details - you could have been on and off the loo with a violent tummy upset! As long as your manager knows you're addressing it with the GP that's all they need to know. As to going in to work, don't make it as a result of 'episode' but because your children are now back into childcare - it makes you look professional and an asset, which you are!! Remember, in your meeting, less is more. I used to manage a large team and I would have been satisfied with all the above.

I would go with the 'feeling unwell and willing to make up the lost hours' approach. Op don't worry - you've a decent track record there I assume? it's a one off. It wouldn't have happened unless you were under the weather.
I would make an appointment for some blood tests asap - you can tell your boss this too.

My neighbour fell asleep like this a few weeks ago because his b12 injection was 7 weeks overdue. I've had b12 deficiency when pregnant and its utterly utterly exhausting, like nothing else... Treatment for it usually starts with 6 injections spread over 12 days and then injections usually continue once every 3 months. Have you had these yet?

Hope you feel better! Just say you collapsed and are waiting for blood tests to find out what happened/why it happened.

Don’t say you fell unconscious for four hours, that’s something that would be very severe indeed, and cause huge concern and follow ups.

Just say you felt very ill, had severe d&v and were very dizzy hence your vagueness and unable to call, time passed quickly. That it won’t happen again and apologise, leave it there.

On the other side though, falling asleep on the floor for four hours and not being wake able by the phone etc is really unusual and concerning, I’d speak to my gp about that and ask for some more tests.

I think you are being incredibly hard on yourself. You have done nothing wrong and have a huge amount on your plate. I would
go for honesty

Do not say you went to bed and fell asleep. Do not say you had d&v. Neither is true, and both make you look suspect.
You’re being too hard on yourself.

MPs fall asleep in Parliament all the time and no-one cares!

You’ve got some good replies Op, I would honestly stop worrying so much. You’ve clearly worked your arse off to keep up with work in difficult circumstances and if this isn’t acknowledged by the manager then they’re an arsehole.

Just tell them the truth.

You passed out unconscious and came to hours later dazed and confused and are seeing your GP urgently about it.

hope you feel better soon.

Your body may not be absorbing the oral supplements. It sounds as if you need injections, which you can get from a Gp. Some people find they aren’t getting enough on the 6 weekly regime. This is why there is a business in b12 injections from aesthetic clinics. I inject myself with b12 bought from a pharmacy in Germany - I obviously researched this before starting.

@RonnieBob

Just tell them the truth.

You passed out unconscious and came to hours later dazed and confused and are seeing your GP urgently about it.

hope you feel better soon.

And this. I wouldn’t downplay it.

I was also about to say it does not sound like you fell asleep, it sounds like you passed out.

You get migraines so why not just say you had a severe migraine, it knocked you for 6 and you were woozy and confused afterwards ( this definitely happens with migraines) You are worried about it and are going to see your GP to see if you need further tests.
Say you are happy to make the time up.
That explains your vague behaviour and is not far from the truth

My dp has low B12 - you cannot absorb it through your stomach if you have no intrinsic factor and so supplements do not help. You need injections into the muscle - during lockdown he’s been doing his own. Honestly GPS can be rubbish at this.

I think you are a making a bigger deal of this than you need to - understandable though. Be honest with your manager and explain you are getting medical help. Your manager should support you - not berate you.

You are under so much pressure - try to be kinder to yourself.

Also, your ex is a fuckwit

You mention migraines - I’d say to work that you had a crippling migraine and felt sick so couldn’t get to the phone.

I would tell the truth and that you are seeking medical help. It was obvious that people at work noticed something was wrong, worried and acted on it (including calling your next of kin).

What happened definitely needs GP's examination and possibly holiday leave. I hope you will recover quickly

You have done nothing wrong

. Honestly their reaction to not being able to contact you sounds rather dramatic to me!

It does sound excessive to be caring your next of kin, unless they were genuinely worried about your safety/health already OP?

I agree with what PPs have said about saying you were unwell and are following up with GP but keep the details vague.

I certainly wouldn't be able to tell my manager that I fell asleep without strong negative repercussions

However what I could say is that I was ill because of extreme exhaustion and became unconscious and extremely confused

I would also say that I'm seeing my GP and I'd also mention my mental health being very poor atm (that's something they hear where I work)

I would just tell them the truth - that you’re overwhelmed with work and childcare, you have low B12 levels and the tablets you’re taking don’t seem to be having an impact, and you crashed out. I wouldn’t tell them you’ve been ill but do let them know that you’re doing everything in your power to manage the situation.

I agree with others and will add to keep it very simple, no waffle whatsoever

So get it straight in your head before the meeting. Sort of like " I collapsed and was on the floor for 4 hours due to exhaustion and now my GP is going to run tests, I feel its connected to me being on the wrong dose for low B12 in combination with having SEN child and another suspected, at home with no support. I have already taken steps to rectify this- GP, tests, childcare, coming into the office. I was so embarrassed to say anything remotely and intended to say it face to face.

Only a hard twat wouldn't draw a line under that and move on, am sure it will be fine.

@Cam2020

. Honestly their reaction to not being able to contact you sounds rather dramatic to me!

It does sound excessive to be caring your next of kin, unless they were genuinely worried about your safety/health already OP?

I agree with what PPs have said about saying you were unwell and are following up with GP but keep the details vague.

If one of my team went MIA for 4 hours when they were supposed to be on shift by 4 hours in with no other options their NOK is the only place to start to check they are ok. I would be worried! And we've had appropriate cause, and an upsetting outcome of those calls before.

It's not lying to say she was unconscious.

"Unconsciousnessis when a person suddenly becomes unable to respond to stimuli and appears to be asleep. A person may beunconsciousfor a few seconds — as in fainting — or for longer periods of time. People who becomeunconsciousdon't respond to loud sounds or shaking."

She was unable to respond to stimuli (the phone ringing, repeatedly) for 4 hours. She was unconscious.

Fwiw OP I think I'd be proactive and email or ring your manager to tell them what happened today, not Monday. Proactive deminstrates that you're not trying to hide something. Have your spoken to your GP yet? I think you need an appointment sooner rather than later. A telephone with a nurse practitioner or GP in the first instance would suffice. You don't actually know if you "just" fell asleep and it won't happen again or if this is the start of you regularly passing out (another reason to tell work ASAP because it could happen again). Please take this very seriously yourself.

@VeganCow

I agree with others and will add to keep it very simple, no waffle whatsoever

So get it straight in your head before the meeting. Sort of like " I collapsed and was on the floor for 4 hours due to exhaustion and now my GP is going to run tests, I feel its connected to me being on the wrong dose for low B12 in combination with having SEN child and another suspected, at home with no support. I have already taken steps to rectify this- GP, tests, childcare, coming into the office. I was so embarrassed to say anything remotely and intended to say it face to face.

Only a hard twat wouldn't draw a line under that and move on, am sure it will be fine.

Yes that sounds good. I'm a manager and I would arrange for you to have some time off so you could have a rest. We are human, not machines and those of us who have been working throughout this pandemic are knackered.