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Original poster

Anyone else feel mildly anxious a lot of the time?

89 replies

WillowSummerSloth · 21/07/2020 14:30

Hi, I'm trying to gauge how normal this is. I'm a very typical, busy mum of 3.i have a fairly high pressure job but I only actually work 3 days. I don't have actual 'anxiety' as it doesn't stop me doing anything. I still work, exercise and love spending time with the kids. But.... I have this underlying mild anxiety. I am never fully relaxed. I worry about work- am I good enough, what do my colleagues think, what if I make a mistake. I think I'd give up work if I could but knowing me I'd feel the same. And about the kids- I'm constantly analysing if they've done enough work, music practice, exercise that day etc.
It's like my mind never stops. I am happy and have a lovely DH. He is so relaxed and content though despite having far more work pressure than me.
I feel I'm not enjoying things as much as I could, like it all might come crashing down at any time.
Is this normal? Is this just the normal mental state of a busy, working mum? I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and drink a bit too much, laugh too loudly and stop caring so much what everyone thinks.
Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowSummerSloth · 21/07/2020 20:55

Bump. Or maybe noone else does feel like that?

OP posts:
woodlandwalker · 21/07/2020 21:01

I think when you have a busy job and a family there is so much to think about, organise and do that it's perfectly normal to feel mildly anxious and find it hard to get to sleep. I know I felt like that when my children were younger.

CovidBovine · 21/07/2020 21:07

I feel exactly like you and my DH is the same as yours, doesn't give things a second thought whereas I ruminate on them. I don't know why or what to do about it though. It's exhausting.

Lostnameperson · 21/07/2020 21:11

I’m exactly the same as you OP! I feel like I’m wasting time if I’m not thinking about something.

Much of the time, I feel that I’m not present in life because I’m always somewhere else in my head.
I ruminate over things constantly and criticise everything I do in my working life.. am I good enough, could I have done a better job, are things my fault, am I really the best I can be, am I doing the best for my family etc.... it’s bloody exhausting!
If I’m not worrying about something I’m worrying about why I don’t have something to worry about. It’s madness.

Original poster
WillowSummerSloth · 21/07/2020 21:20

Even when I tell myself that I'm doing a good job, I'm trying my best and I am good enough there's still just something in me that isn't relaxed. I'm never in the moment. I feel like I might make a mistake at any time and everyone else is actually competent whilst I am not. I have a holiday booked in August but it will only take the most mild of events for me to be worried about something, checking emails and discussing with DH why I feel like I do (which is clearly very boring for him!) I've had a couple of CBT sessions in the past when something has really flared up but the symptoms are generally mild. I don't think anyone that knows me would ever guess.

OP posts:
CoveredInBeeeees · 21/07/2020 21:33

I’m just the same, OP. I don’t feel it usually interferes with my life but it’s definitely in an elevated state. I almost wish it was just one way or the other and then I’d either be naturally fine or could take something for it.

I’ve also always joked that I’ve got to have something to be worried about but it’s getting less and less funny as I get older 😕

WorriedMummy2020 · 21/07/2020 21:44

You and your DH sound just like me and mine.
I ruminate. It is utterly exhausting.

Elsiebear90 · 21/07/2020 21:46

Yep, I feel exactly like this, it’s generalised anxiety, I’m hardly ever relaxed and it takes the slightest little thing to tip me over into full blown anxiety. Like you it doesn’t actually stop me from doing anything, so I’ve found it impossible to get proper help for it as no one takes it seriously.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 21/07/2020 21:48

I think it's totally normal to feel mildly anxious a lot of the time. The problem is that people feel this is somehow wrong and needs to be fixed.

Slightly anxious/mildly depressed is the human condition, with hours or days of great peace and happiness coming along every now and then.

It's only in very recent years we've been sold the myth that this is not normal.

Original poster
WillowSummerSloth · 21/07/2020 21:52

I've wondered if taking a low dose antidepressant would help me? Just to take the edge off things. I also think my personality is a people pleaser, conscientious so I have super high standards for myself (that I don't hold anyone else to!)
Maybe a bit more yoga, practicing the mindfulness techniques and just looking on the bright side. I've recently been working on saying the positives in my head even if I don't feel them exactly. But I can still do all my exercise, work, organising stuff, playing with the kids etc. So I can't be that bad, surely?!
Interesting to hear others feel similarly. Thanks for sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
WillowSummerSloth · 21/07/2020 21:53

That's interesting chic and I think you have a good point. My grandma always described herself as a worrier but I don't think she was hung up on fixing it like I am.

OP posts:
fascinated · 21/07/2020 21:55

Im afraid I think being a mum does that to you. Sorry.

fascinated · 21/07/2020 21:58

We are exposed to so much news and messaging, and our minds are not designed to cope with worrying and caring about any more than just our immediate families/community. Nowadays you’re supposed to care about everyone. From orphans in developing countries, to easily offended folk on your local FB group. It’s unrealistic. And exhausting.

idril · 21/07/2020 21:58

Yep, this describes me too. Doesn't really bother me though.

I do find it improves when we go away but it takes about half a week for me to unwind. I also don't like going on holiday because of it but I know once I get there I'll be fine.

HeadSpin5 · 21/07/2020 21:58

Are you me?? Seriously OP (and PPs) this thread has actually been really reassuring, I thought I was going mad

Tonkerbea · 21/07/2020 22:00

I identity with this do much. I really wish I could change my nature.

dooratheexplorer · 21/07/2020 22:03

Yes me. I don't worry about things but I do turn things over in my head constantly.

I have just left a job and I'm planning to have a few weeks to 'just be' for a little while.

Awesome2020 · 21/07/2020 22:08

I'm exactly the same and it really affects how much I enjoy life. We're supposed to be going away for a few days but the thoughts of all the things that need done before then afterwards make me feel that it's not worth it. I didn't used to feel this way and really want it to stop.

ssd · 21/07/2020 22:23

This is honestly so like me.
I read the opening post and mentally thought, 'please everyone don't tell her she's very unusual and to see her gp as I feel exactly the same'

I ruminate and worry and fret constantly and like a previous poster said, the slightest wee thing tips me over to full blown anxiety, though you'd never know to see me, I come across as happy and a bit flippant and worry free.

Dh is like all the dhs here. Relaxed, doesn't worry, takes life in his stride.

Actually thinking about it, I wonder if all these dhs are so relaxed is because WE are taking care of them, I was just saying to a friend today, it must be like living at home with his mum for dh, I do the organising, the caretaking, the planning, the noticing, the worrying.. He lives in the moment day to day. Must be feckin great.

WorriedMummy2020 · 21/07/2020 22:54

I have struggled with rumination on one issue in particular for about a year now. I visited the GP about 6mths ago as wanted to talk it over (it's a vaguely medical issue in itself) and during consultation GP said he thinks I'm depressed hence the extreme rumination and general anxiety and issues with decision making. Was a surprise to me. I definitely feel more anxious than depressed. He offered me a low dose anti depressant and promised it would help but after researching it I was scared to try. Many good stories and many bad. But managing it with other non drug ways hasn't worked. I am curious to see if and how an anti depressant could help (I would love to not feel like this and have 'peace') but am scared to try the meds.

Magicpaintbrush · 21/07/2020 22:57

I feel the same OP. Never completely at ease.

AntiHop · 21/07/2020 23:03

I feel the same too. I don't have any physical anxiety symptoms or panic attacks. I carry on with my high pressure job. But I am constantly worrying, and often ruminating.

ssd · 21/07/2020 23:04

I'm the same WorriedMummy, I have sertraline in my drawer and I don't want to take it.

Fred578 · 21/07/2020 23:08

I’m the same. I always feel at least slightly anxious. If I have nothing in particular to worry about I will obsess over things that have happened in the past. I’m very hard on myself, much harder than I would ever be on anyone else. I find it affects my mood and I am quite grumpy because of it. Mindfulness helps me but I never get any peace to do it, especially at the moment!

thaegumathteth · 21/07/2020 23:09

I do have anxiety but it's controlled with sertraline (would recommend!!!) however I think the reason I am always a bit worried / on edge is a subconscious belief that if i 'take my eye off the ball' everything will come crashing down. I think it's just the weight of responsibility and the buck stops here?

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