Anyone else feel mildly anxious a lot of the time?

[WillowSummerSloth]

Hi, I'm trying to gauge how normal this is. I'm a very typical, busy mum of 3.i have a fairly high pressure job but I only actually work 3 days. I don't have actual 'anxiety' as it doesn't stop me doing anything. I still work, exercise and love spending time with the kids. But.... I have this underlying mild anxiety. I am never fully relaxed. I worry about work- am I good enough, what do my colleagues think, what if I make a mistake. I think I'd give up work if I could but knowing me I'd feel the same. And about the kids- I'm constantly analysing if they've done enough work, music practice, exercise that day etc.
It's like my mind never stops. I am happy and have a lovely DH. He is so relaxed and content though despite having far more work pressure than me.
I feel I'm not enjoying things as much as I could, like it all might come crashing down at any time.
Is this normal? Is this just the normal mental state of a busy, working mum? I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and drink a bit too much, laugh too loudly and stop caring so much what everyone thinks.
Thanks

I can be like this and I’m an awful lot better when I’ve done some exercise. Just a 20 minute video in the morning is enough.

Oh yes. Hands up, me too.

Stressful/senior job, 2 kids 4&6, laid back DH who very patiently listens to me scenario-plan to a ridiculous degree.

PMT (for about half the month since I hit 40) makes it a million times worse. So does booze and not sleeping.

I call it "vibrating on a high frequency". I use CBT techniques to manage it but sometimes have a little panic-cry when I can't squash the rising drama fast enough with logic.

Sometimes I think it's that I'm lucky enough to have no "big" worries at the moment (y'know apart from living in a pandemic and working with the kids at my feet) so my anxiety latches on to day-to-day things.

Im afraid I think being a mum does that to you. Sorry.

Well I'm like this too and I'm not a mum. Genuine observation - you don't have to be a mum to have to earn an income and have people relying on you who you worry about.

Hi all, interesting to hear so many are in a similar boat. I'm a bit of a fixer so I sometimes need a plan and even that can help.
I do have enough time to myself-not loads but enough that I can be reading/ watching some TV etc. and still feel a bit anxious. I feel like I'm pretending to be calm and happy sometimes rather than actually embodying it.
I think I'll go back to practicing more mindfulness. My yoga stopped and is hopefully restarting soon so that will help I think.
I'd also be interested if anyone has clicked on this thread and thinks 'oh that's not me at all' although there's clearly going to be boas about who clicks the thread! But I'd be interested to know how people that aren't anxious handle being busy, work pressure, any perceived criticism. I am so bloody sensitive I annoy myself!
Thanks for the support. Keep on going I think. If I can't enjoy my holiday though in a few weeks, I'm seriously thinking about trying a low dose antidepressant.

Bias, not boas whatever that is.

Thank you for posting this OP, I feel very similar. I work 4 days in a professional role and spend the whole day with a rising sense of panic about the tasks I need to get done before I pick up the children from nursery. I am good at my job (apparently) but constantly compare my output to that of my full time colleagues.

On my day off (currently 2 afternoons per week due to covid childcare arrangements) I spend the whole time worrying that I'm not getting things done, that I'm missing out on important meetings etc. I also spend a lot of the day worrying about life admin - needing to contact nursery about x, need to pick up y from the shop on the way to get the kids, need to log in later to finish the work I haven't managed in the day. Its exhausting.

I would say (and this seems to be a common theme) that DH does not experience this level of anxiety. He is working 4 days per week at the moment, doing all the school drop offs in the morning and finds time to exercise during the day. He is more senior and as a result has more flexibility but I would say the main difference is that I carry the mental load for the family and can't switch off from it. I don't know what the solution is but spend most of the days on the verge of tears when I think about work which cant be healthy and am too exhausted after the kids have gone to bed to do any exercise. I know I need to set some boundaries with work but its definitely the mental load that I struggle with. I feel like my brain just doesn't switch off.

Interesting so many posters with low level anxiety seem to have chilled out partners. I wonder if it's related? As in, you do all the worrying & family management so he doesn't have to?

I'm saying this as someone who worries a fair amount but is also happy to leave some things to DH to sort out (like garden, some childcare and travel arrangements, some presents for the DC etc). I think sharing the responsibilities helps me not feel too burdened down by it all and so less anxious.

It's something DH and I have been working on for years- trying to share the mental load. He will happily do the jobs but can't hold them in his head. He's tried numerous systems to help him plan/ remember stuff but they are not as good as my brain whihh holds all this planning type stuff.
My main source of anxiety is work for some reason although in the past it has been other things. When I'm actually at work, I'm fine.

You've described exactly how a feel!
I rarely feel totally happy because there's always something I'm worrying about.

The only time in recent years I've felt completely relaxed and happy is at Glastonbury festival. 5 days in a bubble with nothing to think about which bands to watch and what to eat. This was pre children though so I'm sure I'd feel differently now!

I'd say it's normal. Not that that really helps you feel any different.

Anyone find their libido gets affected ie doesn't exist?!

@Bluesheep8

Im afraid I think being a mum does that to you. Sorry.

Well I'm like this too and I'm not a mum. Genuine observation - you don't have to be a mum to have to earn an income and have people relying on you who you worry about.

No, but a lot of people I know have become like this since having children. I wasn’t trying claim it is exclusive to us!

fascinated

I'm sorry - I understand what you meant now

worriedmum yup absolutely.
I feel like the fun has been sucked out of me. I'm happy mostly but I'm no longer fun or funny.

OP I feel exactly the same. I work PT but it actually takes over my life - I think about work all the time, even more so since coronavirus. I have been given more responsibility than I can handle and no one will take it off me even though I have told my managers more than once that I am going to make a mistake. I am constantly worried about what people think of me (and it doesn't help that my role is one of constantly being scrutinised). Any small criticism (even perceived rather than outright) sends me into a tailspin.
I am no fun, I am always on edge and cannot take a joke/ have a laugh. This then causes me more anxiety as I worry about what people think of me.
The pandemic has not helped as I am juggling all this and have the DC to deal with too.
If it helps my DH is not laid back but he still leaves everything to me - him being at home has led to more anxiety as he constantly questions what I am doing with the DC and why etc. I don't feel like I can do anything right.

I'm part time and there are just not enough hours in the day for me to get everything done. This is despite me stepping down to a 'lesser' role a while back. This job also carries into the days I'm not there and I often spend a day or so off ruminating about work. Our team is pretty stressed at the moment and I have a tendency to pick up on all of that.

I never felt like this when I was younger. I really can't remember work being stressful at all when I started out. Everyone clocked off on time and took an hour for lunch. Where did it all go so wrong?!

Where Did it go wrong?

Smartphones.

Switch them off. If you can.

I used to have terrible anxiety - the only way I can describe it was just feeling frightened all the time - frightened of going to work, making a mistake, getting ill, being late etc etc. It got so bad I had anxiety attacks and used to wake up in the middle of the night panicking. I had cbt on nhs which was hard work but amazing and reduced it down to what is definitely a more manageable level, and possibly normal given circumstances (single parent with busy job).

I do ruminate aswell. In cbt they told me to write down all the worries during the day and then pick a specific time to think about them- only 10 minutes or so, considering if they were real worries or hypothetical (most of mine are generally hypothetical e.g what if they think I’m stupid cos I said x in that meeting, I should have said why). Then when the time is up rip up the list, bin it and no more thinking until the next day with a new list and so on. I found this helped as made the worries seem quite superficial and did help me to stop thinking about them

But probably the best thing that helps is the headspace app - there’s loads of different meditations for calming and quieting the mind, and just recognising the thoughts for what they are - just thoughts

fascinated is right. I partly despise mobile phones because they make us constantly available. I'm not on Twitter or FB because I just know that I'd feel even more obliged to respond to people, particularly on FB and this would increase my anxiety.
I've also never used messenger or WhatsApp as I hate the thought of people being able to see that I've read a message and not responded yet. Everything just feels as though it has to be so immediate, I have enough demands like that at work when I'm being paid to respond straightaway FGS.

I’ve been known to worry that I’ve forgotten what I was worrying about a minute ago.

I feel like my brain never fully turns off. Pretty much since DC was born. I’m hoping it will lessen as they get older but not too hopeful. Low level most of time, and then when biggish things happen, it can amplify quite a lot.

This sounds like me, I can never fully relax, not even on holidays or nights out with friends. Always thinking about what needs to be done at home, or worrying about the kids/work. It's so draining. I'm watching this thread with great interest!

As a pp said, I'm frightened of everything, frightened I get ill, to be worried waiting for results, to know I'm ill and it be able to stop it.

It all terrifies me.

I also find I go two ways. I either care too much or not at all.
All or nothing. I am the same with the way i tidy my house and the way I diet.
I also have a logical not worried by emotions DH who does his fair share of housework but I do all the emotional lifting.

this is such an interesting thread. I totally relate to so much of what pp are describing. My head is CONSTANTLY full of things that stress me out. I find it almost totally impossible to relax or enjoy anything anymore. I have full time professional job that is mega stresful and has been made 100 times worse due to the pandemic. ALL the house/dc/family thinking and lanning is down to me and constantly on my mind. Like so many others here, DH is super chilled. He gets up every day, goes to work, comes home and chills. He does his fair share of housework /cooking etc but none of the thinking which I think is the main reason he never seems stressed. For example just now I was sitting her, trying to place order for school uniform, worrying it won't come in time due to website reporting delays etc, stessing about how the buses will run to get dc to school when they go back,worrying I still had a couple of bit to get for dd bday on Monday, stressing I needed to clean the bathroom before dds friend comes over, realising ds's room is a total mess and I need to blitz it today, worrying because I am currently signed off work ill and due back on Tuesday and will have loads to catch up on, thinking about oldest ds (22) who has just moved country to start a new job and hoping he is OK, not too lonely etc...realising I forgot to ring my dad yesterday on his bday , thinking I need to get the camping stuff down from the loft to check it all as we are going camping in a couple of weeks.... and honestly I feel as if I could cry any minute - and DH saunters downstairs at 10 am and sitting drinking coffee makes some jokey comment about something totally innocuous and I just think how the fuck can you even have the head space to make comments like that right now .....

Thank you for this thread. It sound very like me as well (even down to the very laid back husband!). Constantly whirring brain trying to over analyse everything. We're having a much more low key holiday than usual this year. DH and the children are loving it - I just can't relax at all even after exercising!

I've done a mindfulness course during lockdown and I think I'm going to try and do a retreat. I've worked out that a lot of it is just brain chatter without anything behind it, but I've got too used to listening to the nonsense and can't quiet it down without a lot of concentration!

Yes I feel like this, low level overwhelmed by responsibility, but it’s normal.

Its how we prevent ourselves making small and big mistakes, it’s how we process our reactions and responses to situations and analyse how we could change or improve it. We are designed to think like this, anxiety, like pain, is our body’s way of saying “hey, there may be a better way of doing this”.

I think modern society seems constantly in a rush to pathologies every single (usually difficult or negative) feeling we have. We are complex, cognitive and emotional beings, we aren’t supposed to be euphoric or even optimum at all times.

This idea that we should all just be ethereally floating through life, constantly comparing ourselves with others to make sure we’re not only normal but “winning at life” that’s what’s not healthy, not generalised worrying thoughts or a negative attitude (provided it’s balanced out), it’s those thoughts and feelings that stop us becoming complacent and potentially making some shit decisions.