Anyone else feel mildly anxious a lot of the time?

[WillowSummerSloth]

Hi, I'm trying to gauge how normal this is. I'm a very typical, busy mum of 3.i have a fairly high pressure job but I only actually work 3 days. I don't have actual 'anxiety' as it doesn't stop me doing anything. I still work, exercise and love spending time with the kids. But.... I have this underlying mild anxiety. I am never fully relaxed. I worry about work- am I good enough, what do my colleagues think, what if I make a mistake. I think I'd give up work if I could but knowing me I'd feel the same. And about the kids- I'm constantly analysing if they've done enough work, music practice, exercise that day etc.
It's like my mind never stops. I am happy and have a lovely DH. He is so relaxed and content though despite having far more work pressure than me.
I feel I'm not enjoying things as much as I could, like it all might come crashing down at any time.
Is this normal? Is this just the normal mental state of a busy, working mum? I wish I could just throw caution to the wind and drink a bit too much, laugh too loudly and stop caring so much what everyone thinks.
Thanks

chickenpie that thought process sounds almost identical to mine. Even to the point where I thought 'I'd better check this thread in case people have responded and I've not got back to them!'
Maybe this is a thread about mental load at the heart of it....

I miss the old me. I used to have good banter and laugh easily but I'm pretty serious these days. Even when the kids were very small, when I was off work I was off mentally. I think getting more senior and more answerable for performance is part of the problem too. I felt like lots of my colleagues really stepped up in lockdown whereas I was still working all the time and trying to educate the kids, exercise them and support DH who was in the thick of it. So then I feel guilty and judged (but that's probably mostly in my mind)

I feel anxious all the time. Unless I'm feeling depressed. It seems to be one or the other for me. I just worry constantly about everything. Have been like this my whole life. I was prescribed valium once for back pain and it was the happiest two weeks of my life!

I know what you mean. It's so easy when your juggling work and children to feel you're not doing either properly and that worry can become entrenched ( especially if you're starting from a point where you've always been pretty driven or self critical in order to succeed). That becomes so entrenched the feeling stays all the time so that even relaxation has an undercurrent of tension.

I don't know how to get over it except the standard (which I lack the discipline to pursue properly!)

Omg chickenpie are you me?
That is just how I feel. I was Reading an interesting thing on someone's instagram about toxic productivity too. I will find and link

Here this is about toxic productivity

I feel the same. I worry about everything, especially work. I think it’s a feeling of responsibility - I’ve always put it down to childhood experiences losing a parent very young and the other being unwell, and for whom I felt responsible. I tried to imagine a job where I wouldn’t worry about screwing up, and I honestly couldn’t think of a single job without a potential catastrophe I could cause.

I worry about how much I worry. And then I worry that if I didn’t worry, no-one would worry, and then all the things I would otherwise have worried about would actually happen!

That's very interesting @canadeeio. And sorry for what happened to you. I lost my mum early and had to look after my dad and brother. The responsibility felt overwhelming and then my brother was killed. Nothing I could have prevented but then I just added guilt to responsibility. It's a long time ago but I don't think I've ever got over it. Perhaps that is what I need to face to stop this endless mind churning.

@thinkofablinkingnamewoman thank you, and I’m so sorry for your experiences too. I do wonder about the impact of that early responsibility - and guilt, as you mention, is like the twin to that sense of responsibility. My mum took her own life and it has taken me years to let go of the guilt I felt for not preventing it (and if I’m honest it’s still there a lot of the time, even though I know, rationally, it wasn’t my fault). The over-thinking, catastrophising, excessive planning I do - are like a comfort blanket in some ways and I’m terrified of what will happen if I don’t do them.

it is really interesting though isnt' it. I have been on and off antidepressants for years, mostly to deal with these feelings of anxiety. They help, to some degree. But then I think to myself the problem is all situational, in that if I didnt have so much to think about and be responsible for then I wouldnt feel like this, and so I shouldnt take tablets to mask that...but then I stop and very quickly become overwhelmed and struggle to function.....

I also miss the old me. This me is so far removed from the person I used to be

I think it's just too many things happening at once.

I cooked a bolognese earlier and decided to just focus on that. Not simulataneously listen to music, watch tv, look at my ipad/phone/laptop......

Meditation every day.

Yes, most of the time. Struggling quite badly at the moment with my anxiety. It's become worse since giving birth 8 years ago