Have any of you hated family life so much you've thought about leaving?

[millionaireshortie]

I know things might be more strained at the moment because of lockdown but I'm feeling at the end of my rope. I just don't enjoy family life at all. I don't enjoy anything we do with the kids - parks, national trust, slow walks, museums, zoos. I don't enjoy being in the house with them, breaking up arguments or feeling guilty if they're sitting on iPads or watching tv. I don't enjoy craft projects or homework or the endless cooking of meals and meal planning.

I'm desperate for some help here. I've tried anti depressants but they make me so tired that I can't do all of the above. I honestly don't know how to get through the next 6 weeks until school starts. I just don't know what to do anymore.

The things I enjoy - adult tv, podcasts, power walks, long baths, shopping, reading, diy projects, home improvements, I can't really do any of that. I feel like I can't enjoy my home at all whilst having kids. And I don't enjoy time out the home with them either. I love them so much so I don't know why I feel like this.

Has anyone else felt this way? What could be wrong with me? I guess I shouldn't have had kids but it's too late for that now. I don't know what the hell to do!

How old are your dc? How many do you have? Does your partner help? Is he around?

I have found the last two months particularly difficult. I'm a single mum of 3 with no family support. I completely understand where you're coming from and I've felt every word you have written

You are not alone

Things will improve

I've honestly thought about going away for a couple of days for a break to a family members house while the dc have been with their dad (only a few hours a week with him). The only thing stopping me was that my mum disappeared when I was younger for a few days on occasions and it hurt like hell as a child.

Do you think another trip to the dr will help?

I remember feeling like that a bit, and to be honest would have struggled hugely if mine were still young and at home during this pandemic.
I look back at my kids childhood and there was so much I wish I had done, and done differently, but now I know I was suffering from pnd and wish I got help sooner.
It might be an idea to go back to your gp and try some different ad. They all work differently for different people and you might find something that helps you see things a bit more positively.

How old are your DC? You said "we", so have you got a DH/DP? If so, can he not take them out for a bit while you have some time to yourself, now that lockdown is loosening up? Even a couple of hours here and there can make a surprising difference and you could definitely do a lot of things on your list then.

During lockdown I have found myself frequently fantasising about a night (or a week!) in a nice hotel totally on my own.

2 DC, primary age, husband has worked 60 hours per week outside the home throughout lockdown. No family support. I feel like a single parent the vast majority of the time but I don't want to offend actual single parents by saying that.

Why will it get better though? I've felt like this for such a long time. I now hate, hate, hate my house. It feels like a prison.

I don't think seeing the GP will help as they can only offer anti-depressants and I've tried 3 times now in the last 3 years but given up after around 4 weeks each time due to the relentless side effects and no improvement.

Sorry you've felt the same way. 3 must be even harder. It shouldn't be this way should it? I don't think I should be feeling this way.

@longtompot what do you wish you had done that you didn't do?

I just don't see how anybody enjoys the activities, bickering etc whether depressed or not.

Daily. Lone parent with a challenging younger child who makes everything difficult.

I just don't see how anybody enjoys the activities

Lots of people enjoy family activities, OP. Did you know you didn't enjoy that kind of thing before you had dc? Do you enjoy the activities when your dh is actually there to help out and join in? If not, it sounds like it could be well be the depression.

Yeah me - i name changed to post something else but got interrupted and think I might stick with new name! LP here too. Do you work OP? Does your dh get down time at weekends? Do you both get time alone even just an hour to walk by yourself with a podcast?

It does get better, OP, though I think not for a fair bit yet. I remember the breaking up bickering, the treadmill of feed, laundry, picking up after them.

I think you need to instigate a break of one day a week. It's hard since Covid19 to do this with long summer holidays looming ahead. Can you dp reorganise his annual leave to take one day off a week for that period?

It does get better, OP, though I think not for a fair bit yet. I remember the breaking up bickering, the treadmill of feed, laundry, picking up after them.

I think you need to instigate a break of one day a week. It's hard since Covid19 to do this with long summer holidays looming ahead. Can you dp reorganise his annual leave to take one day off a week for that period?

I would sell my soul to have relive just one week when my two were 3 and 5, on the proviso that I had loads of sleep. At the time I felt exactly like you.

All I can say to reassure you is you’re not the only one. You’re feelings are not unusual.

As I said above, I was beyond tired, had no relief from the drudge and had a full on job. In hindsight, I don’t think I could have done anything differently. I wished that I’d had a mother figure for help.

It sounds to me like you are depressed. You definitely need a break from them.

Do you exercise? Running or yoga are both very good at warding off the black dog - I speak from experience.

@Literallynoidea again this annoys me - I'd love to go out for a run or long power walk daily but I'm ready for bed when DH is home and he leaves too early in the mornings - I did try going at 6am for 30 mins but it felt like another chore at that time.

I did think I'd suggest they ride bikes whilst I run alongside but they're still quite young so I'll probably panic over safety if they get too far ahead or they'll get tired quickly and the whole thing will end up a bit crap.

@lazylinguist - I really enjoy family holidays where DH shares the work, the kids burn off loads of energy through the day so sleep well, and we all see new things; new beaches, new walks, new farms or whatever. I'm so sick to death of the same local activities. There is nothing left that we haven't done to death. I'm bored, the kids are bored, it's all so flipping boring!

@megletthesecond Extremely challenging younger child here too, who makes anything/everything a complete ordeal. It's a grind every day.

I get it. Mine are older 12 and 8 - I loved it wheh they were younger , play groups etc ... now I find it all very boring it's like I just need and want my own time to do things I like - and alone!

I don't have any good suggestions but I do completely understand and feel horrible guilt about feeling this way myself.

I recognise a lot of what you say in my own feelings recently.

I adore my children, but do wonder if it was a mistake to have them. They're both under five and it all feels impossibly relentless.

On the worst days I feel moments away from walking out of the house without a word. I don't think it through beyond that, just crave removing myself from the situation for a little while.

Whether it's just stress, or something more, I don't know. I'm going to speak to my GP though as I had been intending to ask about ADHD investigations before lockdown (and before I felt this way).

I understand and also the feeling of it being better when someone is sharing it with you, I think it is about not having a break or time to yourself. It sounds lie you don;t have much support or time to yourself.

Maybe could do something like trying to do something for yourself while they watch TV perhaps not easy though. I also get low when I have too much time alone with Dc and start not enjoying the things.

For me this has changed a bit recently as they are now a bit older and I can leave them alone at home while I got out for a walk or sit in the garden. It makes such a difference. But I think we all need time to ourselves.

I think this goes quite deep @millionaireshortie.
Have you had counselling? I wonder what your family life was like when you were a child.
Also what was your pregnancy (ies) like?
For me , being an older mum was a shock to the system together with a tough pregnancy and not very calm baby.
I have had counselling and am doing parenting courses to help me.

Can relate to this. Sounds like a key problem at present is your H’s working hours.

Would take some time for yourself, every weekend.
And almost stop family activities you dislike: we never go to NT, museums, zoo etc because DH and I dislike it!

Home fitness? Good for MH.

Childcare for a few hours, in the daytime, a couple of days a week?

@ladybirdsarelovely33 I have tried counselling in the past but felt I didn't need someone to talk to: what I need are solutions. How did you find a good counsellor? And any info on parenting courses would be greatly appreciated.

How about sending them on some summer holiday activities so you can get a break perhaps..

@dozer I'm going to try the home fitness, that's my number one goal this coming week. I'm knackered though so it's tough finding the motivation to stick with it long enough to see MH benefits. It's something I can do right now, while the kids are home so I must try.

I don't think childcare is an option right now through the summer holidays? Things will be better from Sept. it just seems impossible to get through another day at the moment.