Have any of you hated family life so much you've thought about leaving?

[millionaireshortie]

I know things might be more strained at the moment because of lockdown but I'm feeling at the end of my rope. I just don't enjoy family life at all. I don't enjoy anything we do with the kids - parks, national trust, slow walks, museums, zoos. I don't enjoy being in the house with them, breaking up arguments or feeling guilty if they're sitting on iPads or watching tv. I don't enjoy craft projects or homework or the endless cooking of meals and meal planning.

I'm desperate for some help here. I've tried anti depressants but they make me so tired that I can't do all of the above. I honestly don't know how to get through the next 6 weeks until school starts. I just don't know what to do anymore.

The things I enjoy - adult tv, podcasts, power walks, long baths, shopping, reading, diy projects, home improvements, I can't really do any of that. I feel like I can't enjoy my home at all whilst having kids. And I don't enjoy time out the home with them either. I love them so much so I don't know why I feel like this.

Has anyone else felt this way? What could be wrong with me? I guess I shouldn't have had kids but it's too late for that now. I don't know what the hell to do!

[girlcrushonvillanelle]

I work in property and I often dream about finishing work and going back to one of the nice houses/flats on my own. My own quiet space, bliss!!

[SomeCuntsHavinAParty]

I have felt like this, yes. Generally if I’m having a bad month hormonally and pmt will bring it on.
But mainly it’s the drudgery

Can you afford a cleaner or a nanny just to give you a day off a week?

Can you ask your GP for better ADs?

[CleanQueen123]

Single parent to DD3 here. I could have written your post. If I could be sure that DD wouldn't end up with abusive ex I'd probably have walked by now.

I'm having counselling currently for some other issues which is helping , but like you, what I really feel I need is solutions and no one seems to want to give me any.

The GP just wants to put me on antidepressants, which don't work, nursery and the health visitor just say DD is going through a challenging phase and she'll grow out of it. Family will have DD but it's always because I actually need to do something that I can't take DD to e.g. medical appointments. It's never just to give me a break.

I don't know what the solution is. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other but it's like wading through treacle.

[Loveinatimeofcovid]

I actually just make my children do the things I enjoy but also try to find new things to do that I can enjoy along with the children. We do a lot of long walks and spend a lot of time in cafes. We’re thinking about taking up camping at the moment (looking for a suitable tent) and have watched a lot of history documentaries over this whole coronavirus thing.

[Ragwort]

Do you get time to yourself at weekends? At the very least insist on that, my DH & I always had time to ourselves at weekends to do our own thing while the other provided childcare (forget 'family time' - hate that expression - we desperately needed time alone - and still do even though our DS is now a teenager).

[yearinyearout]

I think you're giving up on the ADs too quickly. I can sympathise as I felt like this a lot of the time when mine were young, I kind of felt like I was just going through the motions doing stuff with them that I did not enjoy, and craved time to myself. Can't imagine how I would have dealt with lockdown.

I did go on ADs and they did help, but it took weeks for things to look up. I'm sure there are even more options available now so please talk to your doctor.

[marly11]

I completely understand this but I'm not sure about just medicating it. It sounds to me like you are taking the full load of childcare and your DP is doing little. He is out of the house for most of the time leading a full and independent life while yours is restricted for all those hours. I'm not sure who is earning what here but it sounds like you need it rebalanced and that of your DPs income needs to go on freeing you some time to be able to breathe. And there are lots of holiday clubs round where I am - plus one off full days of care at sports places and so on. Obviously with COVID this seems more worrying but lots of children have been in schools over the last few months and holiday clubs will have to apply the same bubble rules etc.

[FaceOfASpink]

If DH's work hours allow, book yourself a hotel room for 1 night. It doesn't have to be fancy but that time alone is a lifesaver IME. If you can manage it every few weeks it'll give you something to hang onto when you feel desperate.

[violetbunny]

Honestly, it sounds like you mainly have way too much on your plate. Has your DP taken any steps to try and reduce his working hours?
Can you outsource any household tasks? Buy in any help?

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Sometimes I dream of just getting away to a hotel for a few nights with nobody else, just me and a book and a bottle of wine. Sometimes we all just need a break and you return feeling so much more refreshed that it's easier to tackle to day to day mundaneness. Is it possible for you to just take a few days for yourself?

[SteelyPanther]

I think you need to speak to your GP again and explain the side effects you were getting.
Have you tried Citalopram ? I know a couple of people on it and they have no problems.

[Oliphantitus]

@millionaireshortie if you have a garden, go outside and do some weeding. Find a bush and clipper it to a stump! Take your anger and frustration out by sawing tree branches 😁Take your tea out and just sit and stare. Even in the rain. If the kids come out just ignore them and potter and they will start to potter themselves. It has saved my sanity, being outside, but close enough to the house to save the kids if they need saving.

[Orangeblossom78]

I'm alos not sure about medicating it. As someone who has been on antids, myself..it is not that simple.

OP I was surprised to see school was running a holiday club this summer and also a forest school type one is on as well. Maybe there is something in your area.

[Beetlewing]

You sound like me. Nothing moves me, my job is on hold, I am experiencing the true meaning of the word 'doldrums'. And I have nothing to suggest, just I hope you can get some comfort that you're not alone.

[torrence]

Go

[AlwaysColdHands]

It’s absolutely no help at all but there are so many women feeling like this right now. For many, lockdown has taken us back to 1950’s housewife scenario, which we didn't sign up for. Add in Working from Home for many and it’s just relentless.
Also been reading several threads where it looks like women will be the ones to give up their jobs due to lack of after school club in September. It’s just grim, and so depressing and unfair.
Lots of what you’re feeling resonated with me OP. No solutions, just solidarity

[Choppedupapple]

Do you work? If not try that? Childcare options are reopening gradually, I’ve my young DC into a high energy holiday club for a few days a week starting next week.

[IdblowJonSnow]

You need a break op. Anyone would feel burnt out in your shoes. Why did you have to give up your job rather than both working part-time/flexibly?
Does your DH not value what you do?
The constant drudge/mess/bickering combined with tiredness can feel like torture. I know this.
We all have moments when we think we shouldn't have had kids, it has nothing to do with our love for them so please put those feelings of guilt firmly to one side.
You need a plan to get through the summer holidays. September, when they're back at school should be easier.
Firstly your DH needs to step up. You need a break and some sleep.

[Cam2020]

The only advice I have is to try and carve out some time to do the things you've listed. I know that's easier said than done but it sounds, as though you're stuck doing everything for everyone except yourself.

[Joebloggsss]

Play schemes are open. Can you try and search the local ones in your area? How often do you see your friends without the kids? How old are your children?

Is there any particular reason your husband works 60hours a week? Along side you working too.

[megletthesecond]

yy @cleanqueen123 same. I'm not depressed, just miserable and burnt out. The riot police A nanny and cleaner are what I need, not pills.

[CleanQueen123]

@megletthesecond that's how I feel. There is some depression mixed in there for me due to the previous abuse and other issues but mostly I'm just so tired and burnt out. And I really don't believe the solution to that is to medicate myself up to the eye balls.

[TwoShades1]

Can’t help with everything but a couple of suggestions for you. If you power walk can they ride a bike or scooter with you? I find kids walking speed very tedious so they always ride when we walk. For reading how about a designated reading half hour? Maybe after lunch. Everyone reads their own book, either all in the same or in their own bedrooms. If you enjoy diy can you involve the kids? My stepson is 11 and quite enjoys a bit of gardening or messing around with tools making things. You could all have your own projects to work on. The kids can do more craft based stuff if too young for actual tools. You don’t have to do the craft with them.

[Caspianberg]

If your children are primary school age, then I assume they are old enough to entertain themselves a bit whilst your at home.

Try taking some time to do something for you whilst they are around still. You can go places or do stuff with them also, then do something for you. Ie on a hot day, can you help set up paddling pool or garden bits with them, then semi leave them to it whilst you listen to podcast in the garden and just keep a vague eye on them. Tell them not to disturb you for 1 hour unless injured or ill!

[KoalasandRabbit]

I've never felt like this so may not be much help but to me it sounds like what you need is breaks.

One thing I did when kids were primary age was David Lloyd, which is pricey, but if you can afford it that gave the kids lots of kids clubs (up to 3 hours per night though hour at a time) and you can go swimming, go to spa, go to cafe, chat with friends, read a book though have to be back within the hour other than the odd club. Mine loved it and we also did swimming together and lots of the primary Mums met up their with the kids, kids played or went to kids clubs and Mums and kids chatted. It was about £200 a month, varies by area and what can negiotate so not the cheap option but if you use it a lot its well worth it. It also meant I got fit by swimming a lot. I wish we still went but no budget for it now. As kids get older they entertain themselves more so its not forever.