Grandparents helping with childcare - do you get help? Did your parents?

[DorotheaHomeAlone]

We’re lucky to have weekly childcare help from my mum with our three dc. She’s come pretty much every week since I returned to work after mat leave with my first.

A lot of friends have said how lucky we are. I agree, Mum is great! She also offers the occasional overnight and we holiday together every couple of years. Her mum provided similar when she had children and both enjoy close relationships with their gc as a result. I hope to offer my kids similar help if they choose to have kids one day.

A lot of parents I speak to would love this sort of help but don’t have it and it’s got me wondering why that is. Were our grandparents‘ generation more inclined to help than our parents? Is it because people are less likely to live near family or because they’re starting their families later and grandparents are too old to help?

So my question is: did your grandparents offer childcare when you were small and do your parents offer now? If not, why not?

My parents got lots of help from my maternal grandparents. My mom didn't actually work until I was upper primary, but I remember going to gps house every Friday night for sleepover. And when my mom did return to work, my Nan looked after us a lot.

I've had no help with childcare at all. My parents are dead and my ILs live abroad. I used to be incredibly jealous of friends who had time by themselves. I'd have killed for an evening to to ourselves. The thought of an afternoon on the sofa watching Netflix was heaven! We have never had a day off from the kids together. That's the thing that I really missed.

A PP saying about the financial cost got me thinking. I just calculated roughly that we've spent close to £100k on childcare (2 kids) over the 11 years that we've had them. That's a lot of money that families might save if they've got family to help out!

My parents worked full time when i needed childcare so weren't able to do much. Now they are retired i dont need the help. My children are older and self sufficient.
My gran however looked after us after a lot. i spent the whole of school holidays at my grans.

I don't have kids but if I had, we wouldn't have had help. We live too far from MIL and my own mum still works full time in her 60s. My dad was abusive so wouldn't have seen them and my FIL is dead.

I forgot to add, lots of help from my dad's parents when we were kids as nan didn't work. My mum was NC with her own parents so didn't see them

We lived with my grandparents until joining school nursery at 4 so my parents could work, we had a great relationship with them.

Since having my DC, DM retired to specifically look after DS when I was going back to work when he was 6 months old. We were preparing to use a nursery, but she insisted her and DF would love to look after him. DS started nursery at 1 year, then they would pick him up in the evening and we would collect him from there ready for bed, after work.

They did the same when DD came along 2 years later. Now, DF collects DS from school each day. When we moved, we deliberately stayed within 15 minutes drive of them to make like easier for us all.

We realise we are very very fortunate to have that kind of help available to us, and don't take it for granted. DH and I always do jobs for them (I am still doing their weekly shopping and dropping it off), cook for them regularly as well as giving them some money every month, which started they first started looking after DS.

No! My mum was brought up by grandparents and stayed with her mum at weekends. Once she moved closer, when I was about 9 she would have me overnight if my parents were going out or I'd go to hers if mum was working late and I forgot my key.
Dad was nc with his family.

My parents died when dc were tiny. Mil lives miles away. She's never had them to stay and wouldn't come and help when dh was v ill in hospital and kids were small. She does however do all childcare for bil's children and has them to stay and stuff but they're only an hour away.
We have always paid for childcare - sometimes paying more than dh earned.

My mum would have been very involved had she been able to.

My mother had no help when we were growing up but we moved countries when my parents split up. We had a babysitter for years who we adored though.
I on the other hand get lots of help. I'm a Sahp and my Mil takes the kids every Wednesday for the day and every Saturday night for at least 24 hours, my mother works a lot but loves to have them when she can, she also helps with my brothers children.
Going away for a few nights without the kids for a few nights is never a problem. I'm so lucky at the moment in regards to childcare and so grateful.

I've been really lucky that my parents live 5 mins away and have helped loads with my daughter since she was born as she's a terrible sleeper and I've been exhausted constantly since she was born. She sees them around four days a week, mum has her two days for child care until things go back to normal but she has retired early and will take one day a week child care to help with costs but also because she loves being a nanny and wants that bond/time with her.

I never had that time with my grandparents of either side and I am so pleased that my daughter gets this opportunity.

I'd like to think I'd be there for my daughters kids if she chooses to have them

My parents had no help but also no obligations towards their parents for care. My parents live in another country, so couldn't help but even if they lived here, they are too elderly (and would be a bit rubbish).

My in laws help with a weekly pick up to take the kids to an activity. They didn't help at all while was not working (And on my knees with exhaustion with a toddler and a baby), but their choice. They very much help in a way that helps my DH and the kids, and if golf or a holiday or better offer happens they have no issue with cancelling, so I have to step in. Their choice and I am suitably grateful, and I am grateful also for the lesson: any help they need in their old age will be delivered in the same spirit.

My parents had no help when we were small as they lived on the other side of the world to their parents. My paternal grandmother moved in with us when I was about 8 so she did the odd bit of baby sitting but nothing regular. (She hated males so yay for my Dad and younger brother). My brother and I were also thousand ds of mikes away from our parents when we had children. My in laws were also in a different country so we didn't ever have help. I think by the time my DC's have children, DH and I will be in his country of origin as we plan to retire there. However, I hope to have a small flat near my DC's if they're in this country so I can spend time with them and my DGC when (if) they come along.

My maternal grandparents looked after me as a tot, then did after school care on the days my mum worked.

FIL is long dead and Mil looked after the DC when they were tiny maybe three or four times in total. No longer than an hour each time and only when BIL was there. She 80 when the eldest was born with a heart condition, so I was consious that she could go at any moment.

My parents live an hour away. They helped when DH & I had a business and worked 6&7 day weeks. For about 18 months they had the DC 2/3 Saturdays a month. They are in their 60s so more sprightly than MIL was.

I'd love to be able to help our DC if and when.

Jeez, no punctuation and missing words, sorry. Mil was 80 when eldest was born. Mil had a heart condition, not DD.

I stayed with my grandparents nearly every weekend; they did a lot for my mother. I spent more time with them than with my mother when my parents divorced.

My mother helped occasionally. In an emergency once she couldn't come because she was having her hair done.

I remember once having sinusitis when the dc were about 1 and 4. The GP phoned at 5 with a cancellation at 5.30. I got two hungry children strapped into the car, got them out and the dr's, got a prescription, strapped them in again, parked at the chemist, got them out again, they were hungry and crying by that point, strapped them back in, got home, got them out again. I can't remember the bit when I cried. I'd have done anything that day for some help.

My DC were 5 and 8 when we had a night away.

My DC are 25 and 22. I will be an older grandparent (if it happens) than my mother. I hope to be more supportive. If I don't have the energy I shall pay for a day or two of nursery for each child.

I've had one day per week from each set of GPs though the in laws have stopped now. My parents will continue. I do know how lucky am. That said, I pretty much lived with my nan up til starting school while my parents worked.

My great grandmother lived three doors down from my grandmother so she had help on tap. Then my grandmother was in a different city and my mum stayed at home so we didn't have regular childcare but she used to come down and help like when my siblings were born, my mum was ill or my parents went on holiday without us. My cousins live near my grandparents and they looked after them all the time, I don't think they were ever in paid childcare.
My mum provides free childcare for me and will do for my siblings. And I will expect to do the same one day for my children if I can and they want me to.
I have seen all the older relatives in my family well cared for by the generation below and I will expect to do the same when it's my turn. I think it's nice to look after each other.

My Mum looks after DS2... At the time I had DS1 she worked irregular hours so he went to private nursery from the age of 7 months...

I am extremely lucky I know this and I massively do appreciate her and everything she does for us.

My parents will also have both DS if we have a night out planned or occasions to attend.

My grandparents looked after me on and off when I was small but only for the odd few hours or overnight now and again. But not on a regular basis and for a long time Mum was a SAHM as Dad was serving in the Navy.

My MIL does very little but makes out to all her friends she is such a hands on nan. It drives me insane!! I frequently get asked by her friends if she still has them once a week etc....erm once a year more like!!

No help from either side. My mother couldn’t even be arsed to turn up to look after my older DC so DH could be with me while I gave birth to DC 4, not that she’d babysat at the other births either.

She had a lot of help from her mother and sisters when myself and my older siblings were small and my younger siblings were taken care of a lot by us older ones. DH’s parents live abroad but he grew up in a village with an aunt and uncle on every corner and the women used to club together to look after the DC, none of them worked out of the home either.

I couldn’t say that I’d commit to regular childcare for any GC I have but I will certainly have them for weekends, holidays and whenever my DC need me to. I know from bitter experience how shit it is not having anyone to rely on or give you a break and I won’t let my DC feel like that.

My grandma died when I was 4, but before that I would always stay at weekends. Even after she died, my cousins and I would stay with grandad quite a lot.

My parents helped me quite a bit with childcare when my DC were at primary.
Maybe 1 or 2 days a week in the holidays which saved me quite a lot of money, especially as a single parent. They rarely had them overnight however, maybe 4/5 times in total.

I'm a grandma now, albeit very young as my daughter is a young mum. I have my grandchild EOW and see him when I can, as I work full time and will for the next 20 years+.
My daughter gets a much needed night off and we get to spend some quality time with the baby. I know I would have loved a regular night off when my kids were small!

I loved my grandparents a lot, as DP does his. I can't imagine not being close to my grandchildren and spending time with them. However I wouldn't do all child care if I didn't work as there has to be a balance.

My grandparents didn't help regularly as they were 3 and 4 hours away. One set did have us for February/October half terms to help mum after divorce.

My in laws are very elderly so I wouldn't leave them in charge of mine for 5 minutes it wouldn't be safe or fair.
My mum still works full time so doesn't help but would in an emergency and she had ds for the day I had dd. She has had them both for a day whilst dh and I went out once.

Growing up my nan lived with me until I was seven, we actually shared a room and a bed. When she moved out I went to her house every night after school for my tea and stayed over every Friday to Sunday. We were extremely close and I was grateful she loved me so much because my mother didn't give a fuck. Nobody has ever had my children even for tea. My mother has no relationship with them and husbands parents are dead.

I went to my Nanna when mum went back to work.

When l fell pregnant however mum said she wouldn't do any childcare as she doesn't believe in working mother's

However... she soon changed her mind when ds1 was born but he went to nursery anyway.

My MIL takes my twins one day a week and my youngest two. I don't need her to because my youngest is at nursery two mornings a week and my twins three days, and I would have my nanny have them the other days if she didn't, but it makes her happy so she does.
My mum has dd13 for a sleepover every Thursday, the same as my Gran had me. The younger ones she has either when she wants, or when Dd13 and I have a horse show and Dh has to work.
The rest of the grandparents are too far away for regular childcare, but all three sets like to take them for a few days during the holidays. My late husband's parents like to take Dd13 abroad with them once a year, which is ideal because she gets to travel without the little ones.

My maternal nan looked after us at least as much as our parents did in a typical Mon - Fri week. My paternal nan was a teacher so had us all half terms and for a couple of weeks in the summer.

I get no help at all from any 4 of the grandparents except my mum who babysits for a few hours twice a year or so.

I do childcare for my grandson, I didn't have any childcare help from parents and in laws because of ill health and distance. My own grandparents did lots of childcare for my parents.
Dd appreciates my help and I enjoy spending time with dgs so it's positive all round.