Do you like "nice" people?

[UltimateWednesday]

I'm not sure if it's them or me

I belong to a club with about 100 members, probably 60 that attend regularly (in normal times). I'm good friends with maybe a dozen and friendly with most.

However, I find the ones about whom people say things like "oh he's such a nice guy" or isn't "she lovely" get on my nerves, their niceness seems fake to me, no one's lovely and smiley all the time, but no one else seems to see it.

It doesn't matter, it's just an observation about my own response to people I'm perfectly pleasant and polite to everyone but I do seem to be the only one who doesn't seek out the company of the lovely people.

I think it's incredibly sad that you these 'nice' people with such suspicion. Yes some people really are just nice and smiley all the time.

Niceness is nice but a little but dull as they have a tendency to agree. Plus sometimes you want the brutal truth so sometimes I’m wondering are they just agreeing to be nice.

No. My criterion is interestingness. I don’t care whether people are kind to kittens and remember their granny’s birthday or not.

My issue with "nice" is I rarely believe it to be 100% genuine. I think some people behave nice to be liked.

People say I'm nice because I'm boring and don't say much. Plus I'm a complete doormat. One day I swear I will snap.

I understand what you mean and agree, it comes across pretty fake.
I went to school witg someone who was always nice..., I actually NN her "Nice (insert name)" .
I got to know her better in the last yr, children same age and she is really nice but uses a lot of fabulous swear words , totally swayed my opinion of her haha

I don't believe that anyone 'nice' is really 'nice' underneath it all. I think it's used as a way of describing someone who fits a particular middle class model of acceptable behaviour. I know 'nice families' that are really crumbling apart. I know 'nice family men' who are arse holes to their wives and kids. I know 'nice women' who cheat on their 'nice husbands'.

I do! I love kind, wholesome people

Yes, I like nice people very much, because they are nice. I like interesting people too, but not if they’re horrible. Interesting and nice are not mutually exclusive.

I think that from time to time everyone has a shit day, were they lose their temper or they say something bitchy either that they regret or that they meant.

To err is human

So someone who never seems to have moments were they are fallible, does seem strange.

I think I am on the whole nice, which doesn't mean I am constantly nice because I am not.

I wish I could be one of those consistently upbeat people, but actually you find that its the people who come across as happy and upbeat, often suffer the most with depression and self esteem and people with poor self esteem tend to be people pleasers which leads to wanting to be seen as nice.

Late Night Ponderings 🤔

I'm one of those always smiley happy upbeat people and some people definitely dont like me for it and think me fake.

I'm not though I'm genuinely happy. Thing is if I was feeling down or wanted a moan I would, to my husband or my best friend not everyone else but tbh I dont have anything to moan about. I'm very lucky and nothing really bothers me.

My two sils think I'm very fake, my mil did for a while at first but she knows now that I am actually just a happy person.
I would love tips on how to appear more sincere to others

I'm perfectly pleasant and polite to everyone So you're one of the nice people too

Look I think you're making wild generalisations. You can't lump all "nice" people together and decide you don't like them. Fair enough if you haven't warmed to a particular person.

Nice people are fine but I’m rarely friends with them. I tend to find their niceness is a bit of a facade, not terribly genuine and ultimately quite boring. It acts as a bit of a barrier to getting to know them.

I prefer people with opinions who don’t take themselves too seriously.

I feel the same OP. I'm a little bit suspicious of people who are always smiling and treat everyone as if they're their best friend. It's just not genuine. Nothing wrong with it at all but it just doesn't vibe with me. Authenticity, honesty and intimacy are extremely important values to me. Other people have other just as worthwhile or more worthwhile values.

Genuinely shocked to read these answers. If someone seems nice, I assume they are nice! And yes, nice can sometime mean boring, but not always.

@Redcrow I would love tips on how to be genuinely happy and have fewer things bother me! (not sarky, please do tell!)

I like nice people and find them lovely to be around. I think there's a real self discipline to being pleasant all the time. I aspire to it but like a whinge too much

I'm finding these answers silly actually. Being "nice" isn't exclusive to being witty, interesting , genuine or having an opinion.
Most people are pleasant, polite and smile when you first meet. Only when getting to know them do you discover their other qualities.

I suppose an overly charming person like a car salesman would grate. I wouldn't describe that as a "nice" though. More using charm or flattery to manipulate.

Some of the nicest people I've met have also been among the most interesting, funniest, most intelligent.

Nothing fake about being pleasant to other people. Yeah, it may mean they are holding back on an impulse to be nasty, but then most of us hold back on all sorts of impulses - to spit on the floor, to scratch our private parts in public, to chew with out mouth open- all the time. You wouldn't hear someone say "oh, I don't trust him, I've never seen him scratch his balls in the office, he's so fake".

Ime the consistently nice people are often intelligent people who have thought through who they want to be.

I suppose it depends on your frame of reference. If you have ever been shown the two faced behaviour of someone close who is lovely in public but awful behind closed doors then you are unlikely to believe that people are freely nice. My exH is a narc and it was all about appearances with him. Constantly pretending to be nice in public and awful and abusive behind closed doors. I do however know several people who seem to be genuinely lovely and nice, I would like to think that they truly are but I'm a teeny bit cynical

I'm one of those nice, kind people that you seem to think are so dull. It is a front to a point but only because I find argumentative people hard work and I don't want to be like that! Also I use to be a Nail Tech and I got used to listening to opinions that I chose not to argue against and being nice to people I didn't like because they were paying me...

I genuinely think the best of others (until they prove me wrong) and I'm nice to everyone (until they abuse my kindness). However I also use a wide range of swear words, have a wicked inner monologue and judge internally more than I should!

I might be kind but I'm not a saint!!

redastherose that's a good point. Where I'm from in London, men like your ex are described as a Pub gent/house bastard.

I like nice people. Their intention can be such a positive influence on the world. But it can sometimes be boring. My friends are nice but with burnt edges.

I have never aspired to be nice, I’m not a horrible person or anything but being described as “nice” suggests a bit bland and ordinary to me
Also, the 2 members of DH family who are generally known as being “nice” are absolutely vile if you dare to say no to them

Someone I had thought was genuinely very nice - a colleague - subsequently very vindictively stabbed another colleague in the back.

My confidence in my people-sussing ability was severely shaken.

I’d always thought I had very efficient ‘antennae’ for sensing fake niceness at fifty paces.