What is it about weddings that brings out the worst in some people?

[Billyjoearmstrong]

I’m due a baby in August, having an Elective section and had the date booked in by the consultant a couple of weeks ago.

Dh was taking to SIL this morning, she asked if I had a date booked yet and he told her.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going.

She’s getting married on the same date next year and has thrown a wobbly because it will be dds first birthday.

She’s asking if I can get the date changed. No, I can’t. And to be honest I’ve got lots of complications and I’m not sure that we will both be okay, this is the first day they can book me in for and I’d rather not wait a few days. I want to get it over with as soon as I can as I’m shitting myself as it is and to be honest, when they gave me the date the last thing on my mind was the date of a wedding next year.

So now she’s pissed off that a) the baby will turn one on her wedding day and it might take away some of her shine.

And

B) that at if the worst happens and me or the baby die then Dh and the children would be upset on that date and wouldn’t enjoy her day.

Dh did tell her to shut and grow up at that point. (The only reason the family know about these complications is that we’ve been under increasing pressure to meet up, let the children go to them for sleepovers etc and we are staying isolated as Covid would add another layer of horrific that I really don’t need on top of everything else so we had to shut them up

She will only be one, she’s not going to know it’s her birthday. We’ll have a little tea party the day before or something it’s not a big deal - she will be our third so it’s kit like when it’s your PFB and the first birthday is an epic event.

We won’t even mention it at her wedding. I’ll stay at home with the baby if she wants me to if it’s that much of a big deal to her. I really don’t mind either way. The wedding is a huge county house deal, no one will care about one baby out of everything that will be going on anyway.

I’ve always thought she was quite rational up now but bloody hell.

Now MIL has called to see if it’s possible to change the date of the section as SIL called her upset.

I’m not bloody changing the date! I’m stressed and scared and I couldn’t give a shit about SIL wedding right now, over something that’s really not a big deal.

Your mother in law should know better and should be the one telling SIL in law it will not make a blind bit of difference to her wedding.

I am shocked at the level of shallow selfish-cuntish-ness.

Honestly, and I do not say this lightly, I would be tempted to send the SIL a beautifully-wrapped Tiffany box, that she would open excitiedly only to find a steaming pile of shit.

I don't normally comment but this is outrageous. She's a spoilt brat and needs to grow up.

that at if the worst happens and me or the baby die then Dh and the children would be upset on that date and wouldn’t enjoy her day.

She has taken leave of her senses!!

It’s the way the wedding industry has made it. They’ve marketed and commercialised it to within an inch of its life and convinced stupid people with nothing else to do with their lives that their wedding is the single most important event that will ever happen to them and it must be perfect. It’s to wring as much money out of sheeple as possible but it also means they become totally absorbed by their wedding and lose sight of all perspective.

MIL did ask in a way that you could tell she wasn’t comfortable asking. But yes, she a shouldn’t have asked.

I honestly didn’t think SIL would be like this! She’s a 40 year old woman with children of her own. I’m quite shocked.

Your "darling" husband should be fielding these calls so that you do not even have to hear the slightest detail of them.

Block both numbers from your phone, if they want to talk to anyone it can be their direct family member (the one you're married to) and he is not to tell you any of the latest shite they're wittering on at him about.

Then forget about them until the calling and harassment stops. Fuck it. At least if you're shielding you don't need to actually see either one of those hysterical bitches.

I hope your husband can run you a lovely bath this afternoon and you can sink into it and relax and put all thoughts out of your head.

If he doesn't, then frankly he's a bit of a shit.

That's ridiculous, your health and the babys health come first
She should be embarrassed just thinking that never mind saying it to you

SIL might find herself with a bigger issue and the groom dumps her.

Sounds like you are going to need to both step up and set boundaries. It will cause drama but better than the current situation of being harassed until you divulged info they have no reason to know.

If they are coming into your home, stop answering the door.
If it's over the phone, hang up,
If it's at their place, don't go.

I know it's dh family, he can carry on seeing them as much as he wants. However, you personal stuff he has to stay silent or face some consequences.

@Smallsteps88 yes this wedding has been three years in the planning already so it’s a massive event. They’ve been together many years so it’s really important to them but I wouldn’t have seen such a silly reaction coming.

that at if the worst happens and me or the baby die then Dh and the children would be upset on that date and wouldn’t enjoy her day
That is horrendous. I literally cant find the right words to express how I feel about this but to be concerned that you might die because it would affect her wedding is despicable.

I hope your mother in law hangs her head in shame, this is what her son should be telling her, she knows full well it's wrong.

Your husband should absorb all of this stress; it's not going to do you or the baby any good. So he should batten down the hatches now - no, neither his sister nor mother can talk to you, he is the only one they can speak to.

Even though you know this is ridiculous, you shouldn't even be getting wind of any of this stress.

3 years in the planning? Woooow

Wtaf? Who the hell does she think she is? I am shocked at how callous and self absorbed she is. I hope she sees this and realises what a nasty awful person she is

@livefornaps Dh only told me me because it really upset him when she said if I died he wouldn’t enjoy the day. He’s angry at her and was really upset the MIL had seemingly taken her view that we should try and change my section date as well. He’s quite shaken by the fact his sister would say that to him. I doubt they will speak for a while.

How upsetting . God your sister in law really is a piece of shit.

Hence - the Tiffany box idea of a "present" on her doorstep

Bloody hell. I don't know why you and your husband are even giving this headspace Laugh full in her face and close it down, for good. Why do people even contemplate engaging with such brattish, narcissistic behaviour?

Send a belated rsvp and withdraw your acceptance..
Tell sil you would hate a year old dc to steal her thunder...
Or maybe sil is right now sending your amended invite to state a 'no dc' ruling..

Personally, I wouldn't go to the wedding after a comment like that. The comment about the first birthday is just silly. However, the comment about you or the baby dieing is unforgivable.

Is she going to make it a child free wedding?! What a selfish cow. I”m astonished at the sheer outrageousness of her request! Change the date of an extremely important medical procedure and birth of your child?! The mind boggles!

Gosh she is deranged. Hopefully your DH or MIL will be able to talk sense into her once she calms down. Your heath and that of the baby comes way above her wedding in terms of priorities.

I’ve told Dh not to tell me anymore. It’s his sister he can deal with her as he wishes. He was just shocked, angry and upset after he spoke to her that he blurted it all out.

He’s just as upset as I am over that comment. He’s blocked her number for a while. He actually told her to fuck off and hung up on her as soon as she said it. He was pretty ashen faced and shocked when he told me. At first I was to busy thinking what a daft thing it was to fixate on the birthday thing.

It’s actually sinking in a bit more now how nasty that was to say about something happening to me or the baby. I’ve always thought me and SIL had an okay relationship.

Tempting to wind her up and suggest a section after the speechs to sing Happy Birthday. A separate cake table for the birthday cake. Perhaps a children’s entertainer for the birthday party section of the day. Ask if the photographer could do a first birthday shot.

Is she normally rational? Is she having a breakdown? Because what she’s said is not normal.

Wow, she wants you to rearrange the birth of your child? I'm sure even if it was on her actual wedding day and not the year before then this still wouldn't be an option. This is a whole new level of entitlement

Maybe she will be mortified when she realises how it sounded? This isn’t meant to be a drip feed but I know this wedding is so Important to them - her partner and father of her children over came cancer a few years ago so they promised themselves a huge wedding if he got through it, hence all the planning and it being a massive event.

So I think that’s why she’s thrown a strop over my section date as this is going to be a big celebration for them for an important reason.

I honestly didn’t think SIL would be like this! She’s a 40 year old woman with children of her own. I’m quite shocked.

Oh, FFS. When did it become a thing to even have these huge event weddings when you've already got kids, have been together forever, second + marriages?!

I don't blame your h. I wouldn't speak to her for a while and/or possibly not go to the fucking wedding.

Don't give this bitch headspace. Ignore.

That is awful. You don't ask people to change their operations to fit with your wedding and you definitely don't ask people to change the date of their operation that is happening a year before their wedding. And the comment about you or the baby dying is the worst thing I have heard on mumsnet in the 10 years I have been here.