Being startled is causing problems

[LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE]

I have scarred eardrums so hearing is slightly worse than normal. I also have a tendency to be very task focussed and zone out from the real world when I'm engrossed/thinking about something. We have a baby, so quite often have to be quiet around the house. Somehow, DH still manages to startle me several times a week, resulting in me screaming and feeling a bit shaken. He says he's trying to be loud to announce his presence, but it isn't working, and from my point of view, I'm doing my thing and then suddenly he's appeared in front of me. It isn't just him it happens with, but he lives with me so it happens more often with him. The whole thing is worse if I don't have my glasses on.

I'm getting very fed up of it and I feel quite irrationally angry because it feels like people are sneaking up on me (even though I know they aren't). My hearing isn't bad enough for hearing aids. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Have you ever been to the Sistine Chapel?

@ExShield unfortunately not, but I can almost guarantee I would zone out looking at the paintings and DH would startle me.

I’ve never known anyone to scream when they’ve been startled, it seems like a really strange reaction. Do you suffer from anxiety or any other mental health issue?

Is this you? Very strange reaction.

I hit out when startled, as I am scared I’m being attacked even when in my own home. My reflexes are sufficiently fast I stop my reach before impact, but poor DH has come close to getting hit before.

I find doing activities while facing the whole room as opposed to with my back to it reduces this, and I self expose using jump scares online to get control over my fright before I physically move my muscles.

@OffToSingapore no, not anxious, no mental health problems. It isn't a new problem, my housemate at University used to call me "The Silent Scream".

Yesterday I was getting things in from the car, walked back out of the kitchen to get the next bag and a leafleter was leaning over my doorstep dropping leaflets onto my floor. Again really startled me (we live rurally so it's not like I'd seen her leafleting the street).

You need to wear your glasses.

This is a common problem in children with undiagnosed sensory issues. They are labelled naughty for freaking out when approached as they are constantly startled.

The treatment is glasses and or hearing aids.

If it is impacting your life like this it is bad enough to try hearing aids.

How old are you btw?

@sergeilavrov interesting. Has it reduced the frequency of the startles? It's very frustrating - when I'm at work I am totally calm.

@PrincessBuggerPants I'm 36. I do wear my glasses or contacts as I can't see without them. But not in the night when I go to the loo or in the shower.

I expect I will need hearing aids when I'm older, but at the moment it's too good for them - the bigger issue is zoning out when I think I'm alone

@lynnthese4resexpeople I wouldn’t say it reduces the frequency of the startle, but my muscle memory shifts from lash out to tense and control. The difficulty for me is that I work in conflict zones, so my lashing out startle response is just encouraged at work given the situation. I’ve travelled less since Coronavirus, and have been less startled as I’ve not had to return to those areas. Facing the room definitely helps reduce the number of incidents.

I am a screamer too when I get startled. Perhaps you need to adjust the way you react to getting startled rather than expecting not to get startled.

For me, I find it quite funny (it happens pretty often, I am neither deaf nor have eyesight problems, I just startle easily).

I once scared the crap out of some poor guy on a public street by screaming as he tipped his water bottle out in to the gutter beside me, somehow I hadn't heard him come up (I was day dreaming about something or other) and the noise scared me but not nearly as much as me screaming scared him hahaha.

If people 'sneak up on me' and all of a sudden I see them I scream but then have a laugh.

I once had a poor friend who visited while I was vacuuming, my husband let her in but I didn't hear her until she was almost right beside me and when she spoke I screamed so loudly that I think I made her want to run out the door away from me pretty fast haha.

I have sometimes threatened to put cat bells on DH and my older DC. They just flipping apparate in front of me. Scary people.

Also my daughter has diagnosed ADHD, I suspect I have it too and often wander off in my own thoughts rather than stay in the present and I imagine this is what allows people to 'sneak up' on me as I am just not paying attention to what is going on around me.

@Stoppinby - it's a relief to see it's not just me. I don't just scream - sometimes I swear!

@ArriettyJones YES! Exactly. I'm minding my own business and boom suddenly someone is THERE. When I'm washing my hair seems to be favourite. Shut eyes, wash out soap, open eyes... PERSON

Lol, I don't usually swear but I do scream so loud that it actually gives me a sore throat haha. Definitely not just you, I will be your scream buddy

That would be enough to make me slip in the shower or head butt a tap. You need to make a safe room.

@StoppinBy @ArriettyJones I might have to go and hide in the bike shed.

Have you had your hearing tested and been told you don’t need them by a reputable audiologist? According to the NICE Guidelines you could meet the criteria of needing them, regardless of how well your hearing tests with pure tones under headphones. At least have a chat to a good audiologist, they may have other good strategies or discuss trialing hearing aids.

I start like a bunny. Always have.
These days the COPD drugs make it worse.

Always face the room when you are occupied.

Could you lock the bathroom door when washing your hair?

I have to say I would find it pretty irritating. They are just doing a normal thing walking into a room and you scream?!

My hearing is awful and I do wear hearing aids. The irrational anger (no offence just how I see my own) is something I totally relate to. How dare you be here and not come with a flashing light or something
My poor DH can’t win either. I get wound up if he shouts to be heard because it makes me feel disabled, he gets told off for mumbling all the time and I get cross when he gives up trying. It’s a wonder he sticks around really..