Are people going to judge me for having 4 kids?

[AncientandPregnant]

I’m accidentally pregnant with a 4th. Already on this site I have had a few snide comments about the impact on the environment and other things.

This was a shock pregnancy. I considered terminating but can’t bring myself to. But now I’m terrified that I’m real life people may judge me and think I’m selfish and/or crazy.

I keep trying to justify it in my head: we are financially secure, I have a good career, I have always used reusable nappies, I’m an only child and both my parents died before I was an adult so our family impact on the earth has been lower than most up to now. But clearly I can’t wear a badge stating these facts in real life.

What do you think when you see someone with 4 kids? Would you think them selfish or crazy?

I'd think it was none of my business. I'm sure your friends and family will be delighted for you. Congratulations.

(I might secretly think you're crazy as I couldn't cope with 4 - but that's about me not you. I have 3 and that's hard enough!)

All I'd wonder is how you do it. I have one child and I find it so hard at times.

Unfortunately some people will judge you (unfairly). Please don't listen to them or give them any head space as they really aren't nice people

Eh. Sure people will judge, but why should that matter really? You know your own circumstances better than anyone else, and their opinion really doesn’t matter. All that matters is being a good parent and all of your children being brought up happy, really.
FWIW I don’t think people in real life are half as judgemental as they are on an anonymous Internet forum. By its very nature, people feel more comfortable to be blunt (rude sometimes) on here, often with little background information.
For context, I’m one of five. I don’t remember mum ever being judged for that, and no one has said anything to me as an adult other than ‘bloody hell, how did she cope?!’

We have 4 and yes they will but fuck it. I feel bad about the environmental side of things but it wasn't planned.
Life is too short to care what other people think. Own it and be happy and be as green as possible. Not for what others think of you but because its the right thing to do.

Those people who would judge you on environmental grounds already do so because you have three children, so that ship has sailed, you can discount that lot.

People judge for having 4 kids? Fuck those people.

You go for it and love every minute of it, and if anyone says anything tell them to fuck right off and mind their own business.

I would have thought you would get comments but not necessarily judged.
Lots of people I know have four children, it seems to be 2 or 4.

Lots of four children families around here including mine. Friends and family were all happy for us. A few "How do you do it?" and "Your hands are full" comments but nothing bad!

4 is either rich and showing off or poor and don't care and it sounds like you are financially secure, so people will assume it's a stealth boast. You lost your environmental credentials at 3 (or less, or any, for some people)

Congratulations. I'd have loved four but it never happened. I imagine it will be fabulous.

I have four children. We call the last one our luxury extra, because she’s unnecessary, expensive... but enhances our life.

Some people will judge because they are compelled to judge everyone but it doesn’t matter so ling as you and your family are happy . Let them judge

Surely you can't be considering termination in the basis of potential snide comments?
Yes some people will judge, but you will have been judged for having 3.
I would definitely look at one of you getting a better form of contraception going once this one has arrived so you don't have any more accidents though.
In the meantime have a happy healthy pregnancy!

I wanted a fourth but was denied it by hubby, so I am jealous !
Don’t listen to what people say, it’s your choice so enjoy your pregnancy and your lovely baby.

I wanted 4. I have 3.
I'd think your kids are very lucky to have each other.

I wouldn't think much of it apart from "you're brave" (I only have one child, that's all I can cope with!) I mean it's not great for the environment but none of us are perfect, I fly abroad 3 or 4 times a year so I'm in no position to judge in that respect.

I’m a nice person but it’s my belief no one should have more than 2 kids - planet is grossly over populated. Have believed this since my human geography a level so dont bother arguing it!

I’m polite so I wouldn’t say this to you but it is my view. I would also struggle to gush congratulations.

But why would you care what I think? What’s your view?

You can't be a nice person and judge someone for having children. It's a fundamental failure of human empathy to not be able to understand that women live completely different lives and there are all sorts of reasons why one might end up with more than 1 or 2 children.

Never, ever seek to justify how many children you have to people who lace the empathy required to bother trying to understand!

If you are happy with it, then that is enough. Congratulations!

To be blunt I think if you had 4 and relied on benefits people would judge harder, which from your post doesn't sound like it is the case. I imagine you will definitely get 'how do you do it'. Good luck!

Of course you’ll be judged. Everyone is judged on something.

That your 4th was an accident doesn’t bode well because it implies irresponsibility and carelessness, so I wouldn’t justify it by that, but more importantly, you don’t need to justify it at all.

You’re the one that’s going to have to bear the immediate consequences of having four, nobody else, so the only people actually affected by having a fourth are you, your partner and your other children.

So it’s really nobody else’s business 🤷‍♀️

Why would you care. Its nobody's business. I have three and planning a 4th. I know I will get comments because I'm pushing 40 and there will be a 9 year gap from my last baby but it's what we want as a family.

I didn’t even realise people judged others for the amount of kids they have!!! This is bonkers to me!!!!! Of course if you can’t afford them or neglect them it’s different but judging based on someone having four kids alone??? With no real reason??? My first thought would be congratulations how lovely! I would love that!

My only thought is how the hell does anyone cope with 4 children! I have 2 and am exhausted.

Climate change isn't as much of a problem as it's made out to be. Shaming people into not having kids is part of the population control agenda, and you shouldn't have to kill a baby for other people to be happy. I know a ton of families with 4 or 5 kids, and if it's ok for them why shouldn't the same apply to you.