Are people going to judge me for having 4 kids?

[AncientandPregnant]

I’m accidentally pregnant with a 4th. Already on this site I have had a few snide comments about the impact on the environment and other things.

This was a shock pregnancy. I considered terminating but can’t bring myself to. But now I’m terrified that I’m real life people may judge me and think I’m selfish and/or crazy.

I keep trying to justify it in my head: we are financially secure, I have a good career, I have always used reusable nappies, I’m an only child and both my parents died before I was an adult so our family impact on the earth has been lower than most up to now. But clearly I can’t wear a badge stating these facts in real life.

What do you think when you see someone with 4 kids? Would you think them selfish or crazy?

Yes, some people will judge. But there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, so it is a waste of a worry.
People judge other people for all sorts of things, within and beyond our control. You just have to accept that and live your life in a way that feels right and authentic for you. And that applies to every aspect of our lives, to where we choose to work, how we dress, what we eat, what we buy - the list is endless.
Other people can't absolve you for having for children, especially not through the internet - only you can do that.

4 isn't even that many!

Currently pregnant with my 5th. It was planned.

Don't listen to anything negative, it's no ones business but yours.

If these people REALLY cared about the environment they'd have no kids and strictly use green energy etc. People create a scale of judgement to suit themselves.

Ignore it, enjoy your life and your family.

Be glad that the miserable people aren't breeding as much

Please don’t let the fear of people judging you make you make such a huge decision

People will judge you know matter what you do in life
So you might as well do whatever you like and whatever makes you happy

Sounds like your really want to keep the baby so do it
Good luck op
And forget haters they are not worth even a slither of headspace

I have 2....and would love to have had 4 (too old now). I'm jealous!

I can't manage more than one (multiple miscarriages) so envious yes, judgemental no

Only meatheads or jealous people. You have nothing to worry about.

I’ve got 4
Never had a negative comment

If a couple in a relationship of a certain amount of time don't have children you'll get asked why no children? If you have one you'll get, oh won't they be lonely? If you have two but if the same sex you'll be asked if you're having another because everybody seems to need a child if each sex for some reason. If you have three or more you'll be told to buy a TV

What does it natter what anyone else thinks. You get judge if you have one. You get judge if you have a large family. It is your life to enjoy and you can afford the child and it will be loved that it what is important. I have 6 and they are all planned and I wouldn’t want it any other way. If i am not being judge for my amount of children I am sure they would think of something else. Ignore the negative and enjoy your family. Many congrats

People who judge you for having four children are probably the sort of people who would find something else to judge if you had no children. As for worrying too much about what others think of you OP, I think Elenor Roosevelt got it right by saying, “What other people think of me is none of my business”

I was one of 4 and loved it, still do.

Congratulations.

If people do comment negatively, especially on environmental grounds, I doubt telling them you use washable nappies will help

I have four kids. No one has ever said anything. Maybe they do judge privately. I might judge them about other things privately (I do). People are generally polite. You can't please everyone.

I have 4 children and the people that I have felt judged by are miserable with emotional baggage.

I have 4. I have been judged, I’ve had the looks! I just don’t care that much.

To the PP who said you are either insanely rich or on benefits-that’s a load of bullshit! I know plenty of 4/5 kid families who are neither-mine included. I hate this idea that large families come from irresponsible dole dossers!

You are judged no matter what you do. As long as you can provide for your children and they are happy, no one else's opinion matters.

No matter how many children you have, you will be wrong. So much fun going to the supermarket and having old people come up to me and say “ an only child is a lonely child”.

My experience as a mother of 4 is that people tend to think you are some sort of superwoman. No-one has ever expressed a negative reaction towards me but they would have got short shrift from me if they had.

Congratulations.

I'd think it's none of my business and envy your parental stamina Seriously, who cares about judgey people - nobody is a saint, including them. Congratulations!

I find it mildly baffling anyone has more than one

I deliberately had more than one because I am an only child and I hated it. It was very very hard having ageing parents and noone to share the burden with. I wanted my children to have the experience of siblings. hardly "baffling" lol

Nobody cares how many kids other people have.

What a mental thread! Can't believe so many people judge others about the number of children they have!

If they're all well looked after and loved - then why would anyone be upset either way?!

Congratulations OP!

People judge others for just about everything.

Your body, your life, your family, your choice. Yes, having dc impacts the environment. I have three and I also have a childfree friend who has told me many times I am a flaming hypocrite for citing environmental concerns for other things I do and then having three kids. That's fine. There's some truth in what they say, not enough to make me regret ds3 even for one single second though.

@Thisismytimetoshine

Nobody cares how many kids other people have.

That's clearly not true as there's at least one poster on a small thread who does judge, it can't be possible that the only person in the world who cares happens to have found the thread so I think it's quite safe to conclude that some do care.

@MsTSwift when did you do your a level? Just curious. I have 4 dc, not been judged that I’m aware of but wasn’t even aware of the discussions of environmental impact when my youngest was conceived 8 years ago.