Did your in-laws visit you in hospital after you gave birth?

[otterbaby]

Just following on from another poster's thread about telling family/friends you are in labour.

I'm due to give birth in October. My parents live abroad and (hopefully) my mum will be in the room with me and my DH, assuming restrictions begin to lift.

I get along with my in-laws but the relationship has been a little tense from my end for the past 8/9 months or so. I lost my first baby at 16 weeks last October and my MIL made the entire thing about her and it really changed the way that I see her. Now that I'm pregnant again, she's very overbearing and again, making it all about her. She's started several arguments with my DH in the last few months about various baby-related things (purchasing things for the baby when we specifically asked everyone to wait until after our 20 week scan due to what happened last time, posting on social media when we asked them not to, etc). Among other things, but the main gist is she's very self-centred. I would prefer that her and my FIL don't come visit us and baby in the hospital once the baby is here. Mainly, because I want to be able to focus on that initial bonding time with the baby and getting her latched correctly and don't feel comfortable with my in-laws seeing my bits! But also because they stress me out and I'd rather be back home in my own space, settled in before they visit. But that would mean potentially waiting a few days before they meet baby.

Is this asking for trouble, particularly since my mum will be in the hospital with us? My DH doesn't mind either way. Cba with the drama of it all. Obviously this entire situation might be resolved on its own if the hospital is still not allowing visitors!

Your husband needs to deal with all visitors.
No, we didn't have them visit till we'd settled in at home and figured out what we were doing. I wasn't in a good way anyway so we didn't have visitors as quickly as they all expected.

Mil and fil bought DD1, who they were looking after, to visit and meet the baby.

They also dropped off clean clothes for dh and snacks and toiletries.

My mum on the other hand turned up uninvited to the delivery room after sneaking onto the ward. She then got wierdly possessive of the baby and kept holding it behind the curtain where in laws couldn't see.

Completely depends on your in laws.

Nope. I was in for four days each time but it never occurred to them (or me, or my husband) to have them come.

Christ no.

I wouldn’t have anyone but Dh visiting me. I was in pain, bleeding and trying to breastfeed constantly. Not a time for visitors.

Dh threw a strop until I asked him if he’d like my dad sat by his bed making small talk if he was naked and bleeding from his penis under a sheet after major surgery. That shut him up.

They did. And I'd never fucking met them I was pretty much naked and bleeding everywhere so great first meeting. Haven't seen them since

Mine did; MIL had an appointment in the hospital so they called in.

The benefit of them seeing you in hospital is that they've seen the baby so no need for a visit as soon as you're home. For all the good that being told not to visit until they're told, some people just don't do that. Some people will be sat outside your house waiting for you to arrive home from the hospital and who needs an argument about them not coming in or letting them in and seething as they sit there for hours.

Yep and it ended up in a huge argument with them being removed from the ward.

I was being checked by the midwife and the curtain was pulled over. MIL came in ( I didn’t know she had arrived) and pulled the whole curtain exposing everything to everyone else on the ward. She just stood and asked where the baby was. The midwife went mental and told her to leave 😂 she said if she couldn’t respect patients privacy she wasn’t allowed on the ward. She tried to claim she had a right to be there as she was baby’s grandmother and that just annoyed the midwife even more. Beginning of the end for our relationship.

No. When I had my first baby my in laws were at the other end of the country looking after one of their own children who was unwell at the time so didn't see DD til she was a couple of weeks old. My own parents came once whilst I was in hospital. With my subsequent children I was discharged on the same day they were born so I didn't have any visitors at all in hospital. I didn't even go to the post natal wards, straight home from labour ward. I think both my parents and my in laws came to see us at home within a few days but I can't remember the details now.

My in-laws lived 250 miles away from us at the time. So if the situation had been more standard they wouldn't have done. However my son was in NICU for 12 days, so they did come to the hospital and see him there. Wouldn't refuse as my parents had seen him.

I wanted them to! They came for a short visit in hospital for both dc...........much easier to get it over and done with by a quick visit to the ward!!!

Yes, but not until the day after. I would not have wanted to see them any sooner.

MIL is overly familiar and judgy, why would I have wanted to see her any sooner?