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Please tell me how you feel about dolphins & sea-life

112 replies

FlamedToACrisp · 15/06/2020 18:49

I'm doing some creative writing about sea-life and I would appreciate hearing about the emotional responses the different creatures evoke from you.

e.g. dolphin, orca, whale, shark, sawfish, seahorse, crab, sea-otter, octopus, eel, starfish, ray

OP posts:
00100001 · 15/06/2020 21:25

dolphin, fucking scary, they're clever bastards and vicious.

orca savage.

whale, diiiiiiiiiiid yooUUUUU KNOooOooooOooWwwWw thaAaat IiiIiiiiii caaaAAAAnnn sspppeeeeeeeEEEEAAAaaaak whaaaaAAAAAaaale?

shark misunderstood

Sawfish spiky

seahorse they're non binary.

crab delicious

Sea-otter adorable

octopus creep AF

Eel Wiggly

Starfish depressed because everyone calls him a starfish, when he's actually called a seastar.

Ray floaty.

You need to do more research.

00100001 · 15/06/2020 21:28

[quote FlamedToACrisp]@NailsNeedDoing

And sharks I feel sorry for. They are completely misunderstood and children, from the earliest ages, think of them as something to be scared of

But they are, aren't they? Would you let your kids go swimming if you could see there was a tiger shark in the water?[/quote]
Well, any animal can hurt you.

People merrily invite potential killer animals, i.e a dog into their homes and let them play with their kids.

LinemanForTheCounty · 15/06/2020 21:29

I don't really feel anything about them. They're just there. I liked that Attenborough series about things in the sea. And the wee blind white things in Lanzarote. Other than that I don't feel terrifically strong emotions but I do like fish sauce.

crosser62 · 15/06/2020 21:29

You lot are bloody hilarious, love this funny thread 😆

LinemanForTheCounty · 15/06/2020 21:31

Point of order, people don't invite pet animals, they own them. And then their toddlers' faces get ripped off. Even more weird than the wee blind white things really.

crosser62 · 15/06/2020 21:31

Dolphins also have huge great big fuck off jaws with teeth, hundreds of bloody sharp teeth.
They could rip your arm off easily....and smile doing it.

LinemanForTheCounty · 15/06/2020 21:33

Yes a dolphin can break a man's arm and they're all owned by the queen. 💂

NailsNeedDoing · 15/06/2020 21:41

But they are, aren't they? Would you let your kids go swimming if you could see there was a tiger shark in the water?

No, but then I don’t let them get too close when we feed ducks either, and no four year old thinks a ducks sole purpose for existing is to eat people.

CoconutBreath · 15/06/2020 21:46

I used to work as an underwater videographer for a dive school many many years ago. I filmed the groups of divers then made a vhs/dvd and sold it to the tourists after their dive. If I felt it out carefully often an octopus would come along and plonk itself on top of my camera and just sit there the whole time watching what was going on..they're super clever little guys I love them!

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 15/06/2020 21:49

Well Flipper seemed like quite a nice chap.

FlamedToACrisp · 15/06/2020 21:49

@LinemanForTheCounty

Yes a dolphin can break a man's arm and they're all owned by the queen. 💂
That's swans you're thinking of Grin Grin
OP posts:
ThighThighofthigh · 15/06/2020 21:49

Those weird albino things in Lanzarote are particularly disgusting. Wtf did they build a nice cavey type tourist thing to look at weird albino crabs. They're literally the worst thing in the world.

PaganOfTheGoodTimes · 15/06/2020 21:51

I hate dolphins. You can’t trust them with their rapey creepy smiles. I hate the way killer whales make people think whales are killers when really, they (killers whales) are just big fuck off vicious dolphins.

I love seahorse and starfish and octopus though!

I feel like I found my people on this thread.

Mysterian · 15/06/2020 22:17

dolphin, as I said before, I approve.

orca, friendly. The sea mammal you'd like as a neighbour, particularly if you're troubled by seals.

whales, bit loud. They think they can sing, released a few CDs, minor celebs who think they're sooooo special.

sharks, ok in the sea. If they ever come out they might need a talking to about the consequences of their actions, particularly eating people in the Home Counties.

Sawfish, sure you're special, but not a 'good' special.

seahorse, trying to piggyback on the popularity of real horses. Too slow and hard to ride.

crabs, armoured spiders with weapons for hands. They've given up trying to be loved and now aim to be feared. I pity them.

Sea-otter, very cute in a slightly sickly way.

octopuseseses's's, I respect them. Clever and hard to keep in jars.

Eels, can fuck right off.

Starfish, like one of those toy starfish but living. If you can call it living. You never see them out out do you!?

Ray flat and friendly. Like a freshly squashed Labrador.

LinemanForTheCounty · 15/06/2020 22:22

I'd rather have a meek and strange albino crab than a grinning queen driven dolphin stamping on a human arm forever.

KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh · 15/06/2020 22:25

Those albino crabs are creepy. Crabs are bad enough as it is without being all small and sneaky and tiptoeing into people's affections just because they're only found in one place. Shouldn't we be asking why they're only found in one place? Because everywhere else said, 'No thanks - you're fucking horrific', that's why.

Octopuses are clever and squishy. I extend positive feelings to the blobfish, although I suspect that they are only squishy. Rays I see as the dogs of the sea because they've always been pleased to see me at aquariums.

I like the idea of whales that only eat plankton but I suspect they're all a bit thick.

Manatees are chilled out but should really have made their homes on land so I could respect them more. Eating seaweed is no life for a respectable mammal.

Jellyfish are all kinds of wrong. Their tentacles are all traily and shit like silly string and their bodies are just jelly - and let's face it, no-one's favourite part of jelly and ice cream was the jelly. Jelly is rubbish. Jellyfish need to get in the bin.

FlosCampi · 15/06/2020 22:39

Actually Lineman might be right, whales are definitely owned by the queen.

Dolphins: most terrifying is the fact they used to be land animals.

Orcas: terrifying pack of cruel clever hunters

Octopuses: terrifying alien geniuses. Their brain is dispersed through their tentacles in bits so tentacles can have different personalities; an outgoing one and a socially awkward one for instance.

Rays. Should know their place and not keep appearing above the surface in Tynenouth aquarium. When I go I push them back underwater.

A good ray revenge. Peter Andre wore rare ray skin shoes to his wedding, cue many complaints. On his honeymoon he was hospitalised after being....stung by a ray!

KitMarlowesCodpieceOfThigh · 15/06/2020 23:06

FlosCampi You can't blame the rays for trying to rise above their horrible environment. Would you want to live in the same place as whales and orcas or octopuses' antisocial tentacles and where Steve Irwin comes and harasses you and you get called a murderer for giving him a gentle 'back off, motherfucker' jab to the sternum? It's no wonder they're trying to escape.

Plus, sea cucumbers. Horrible flaccid phallic bastards. Envy NOT envy.

ThighThighofthigh · 15/06/2020 23:34

Sea cucumbers are particularly vile, are they even real? Or just turgid courgettes that people threw in the sea?

Eels are demonic, they wriggle around in a disgusting and lecherous fashion showing off like stupid show offs. They have weird and disgusting little bones that just turn my stomach.

FlosCampi · 15/06/2020 23:38

Oh yes KitMarlowesCodpiece, and I was horrified to read the other day on here that loofahs are cucumber type sea creatures! I mean, what next? Those gift set nylon pouffes for shower gel, I can totally imagine those as a shoal.

Smellbellina · 15/06/2020 23:38

Dolphins - don’t trust them
Orcas - vicious but I love them
Seals - evil
Penguins - Fairly ambiguous
Turtles - Love them!
Sharks - Impressed
Squid/Octopus - very impressed/totally freaked out

sweetkitty · 15/06/2020 23:47

Agree Dolphins are bastards
Whales are great and they do all talk like Dory
I love those big tusked elephant seals who lie on the beach all day sunbathing having the occasional fight over the best spot (spiritual animal)
Sharks are cool and are like older than dinosaurs

They all belong in the ocean though and places like Seaworld are awful and we should stop dumping plastic and shit in the sea.

ThighThighofthigh · 15/06/2020 23:51

I don't see the problem with dolphins, they're a little old fashioned and perhaps over amorous.

I think it's charming, they'd certainly hold the door open for you and swim on the outside of the pavement.

There's a difference between a gentleman and a chauvinist.

TheFormerPorpentiaScamander · 15/06/2020 23:54

I think they are all beautiful creatures who belong in the wild. I get sad when I see them in captivity :(

7ofNine · 16/06/2020 00:15

I used to work as an underwater videographer for a dive school many many years ago. I filmed the groups of divers then made a vhs/dvd and sold it to the tourists after their dive.*

For real @CoconutBreath? That truly is my DD's dream job! I'm guessing it didn't pay that well?