What's the worst thing you have ever cooked or been served.

[JustOneLastThing]

I once made a beef pasta thing, it had 20 cloves of garlic! I followed the recipe to the letter, it took hours. I tended to it almost like I tend to the kids. It tasted like feet.

I think I can still taste it, and it was five years ago! There was so much of it, and we tried to eat it in vain. I eventually threw if away after it had festered in the freezer for a few months years.

Made- I tried making a Jamie Oliver vodka watermelon once...it was vile and a waste of a bottle of vodka!

Served- my husband made lentil and smoked mackerel kedgeree. The lentils were overcooked and he added about 3 times the required amount of mackerel. I couldn’t eat it

Swede and coconut curry from a recent Tesco magazine. It was disgusting and if I was a vegetarian it would have made me eat a Big Mac. Swede is something you serve with a roast dinner and gravy.

Anything that I make in my slow cooker. It all looks like brown hospital food. It smells like hospital food. The only thing worse was a chicken thing I made in the slow cooker. That looked like white hospital food.

Otherwise, my BIL's lemon chicken

I can top that. Went into a McDonalds in France, asked for a veggie burger. Got outside and discovered two slices of ketchup-smeared pickle on a bun.

I don’t eat pickles.

I once made an oyster stuffing grom an American recipe, it was so bad I told Dd she might want to skip trying it, but she did and loved it, ate it all

Served, probably the lemon chicken pasta thing that tasted like pasta, chicken and a few supermarket cheap lemon mousses mixed in.

Tofurkey - oh my god it was awful.

@TSSDNCOP
Perhaps the restaurant I ate at had used your BIL's recipe?

The worst thing I ever cooked:
Jamie Oliver Comforting Sausage Bake
www.jamieoliver.com/recipes/pork-recipes/comforting-sausage-bake/

It is not comforting, it is minging. Leaden, soggy, tasteless foccacia, like a really bad savoury bread and butter pudding. I dismantled it, rescued the beans, tomatoes and sausages and made a chunky soup. The rest went in the bin.

Jam tart with dessicated coconut sprinkles on top. At school when I was 5. I had one mouthful and told the dinnerlady I didn't like it. She insisted that I ate it, so I did, and promptly vomited all over the table (and other children's food).
55 years and coconut still makes me heave. Nothing I have cooked or served has even come close to that hell-on-a-plate.

Me: Sausage casserole - I have no idea how I got it so wrong. And cauliflower cheese soup a joe wicks body coach recipe.

Served: fish and chips in a brewers fare pub. It looked like a chicken escalope. And didn't even taste of anything

I like Jamie Oliver but a lot of his recipes come out pretty bland (at best). He has so many curry recipes that involve almost no spice.

@TheEmpressMatilda, that does sound woeful.

I remembered another aspect of that awful veggie burger I had: canned mushrooms. Who in their right mind eats such god awful slime?

Served: ‘spaghetti carbonara’ in the Vietnamese mountains of Sapa. It was actually spaghetti coated in tomato ketchup with a mound of squirty cream on top.. not even mixed in.

I have never managed edible veggie burgers. The last batch “looked like lumps of poo” according to dd sadly a fair description

Got chocolate in Bolivia was a glass of milk with a chocolate bar sticking out of it

Hot

It is not comforting, it is minging.

'Jamie Oliver's Minging Sausage Bake'

@FTEngineerM
That reminds me of the time when I was in Lombok, Indonesia, and asked what the topping was on the, "frutydor", pizza, and no one working there knew!

@MusicianTom I’ve done that twice, the second time I didn’t add any additional liquid (think he calls for two tins of water + the tomatoes?) it was definitely better the second time but I still had to whack the heat right up for 10mins at the end to burn some liquid off. DH insists he made it once and it was great with crunchy bits of bread but I think it must have been a dream. I find Jamie Oliver always puts too much liquid in, I immediately halve it when trying anything new of his.

Served - a lovely roast that was just sooo overdone; rack of lamb completely grey and dry, tenderstem brocolli that was green mush, etc. The problem was the cook didn’t say anything, if he’d thrown his hands up it would have been a funny story but he didn’t so we all chewed and chewed and chewed on the lamb and pretended nothing was happening.

Made - I’m not a bad cook but do not have a light touch for baking. I fair much better with stodgy puddings, anything that’s supposed to be light and fluffy could generally seriously damage someone.

The worst at home are things you do all the time perfectly well that turn out like poo occasionally particularly when you are really looking forward to it.
Served was stuffed intestines by a Libyan doctor I worked with and his wife. It was awful and really embarrassing as he was a really private man and it was a real speciality served for special guests. I'm quite an adventurous eater but it tasted awful 😪😔😳

I once ordered ‘chicken In garlic sauce’ in a restaurant in Majorca. I heard my meal arrive at the table before I saw it. It was an earthenware dish of boiling oil with a few lumps of chicken floating in it together with a few slivers of garlic. I tried one piece of chicken but it was so oily I could almost feel my arteries hardening as I ate it.

Liver casserole.

When we were teenagers, dsis and I used to get sent to stay with a friend of my mum for a week or two in the summer. Before the first visit, she asked if there was anything we didn’t eat, and mum said yes - liver (we loathed it, and it was almost the only thing that mum would cook a separate meal for us, if she and dad had liver - most things we just had two options - eat it or go hungry).

That first Sumer, she gave us liver pate sandwiches, and being polite, we ate them with no complaint - so she decided mum was wrong, and we got liver pate sandwiches quite often. The last summer we visited, she upped the ante and made liver casserole. Dsis couldn’t eat all of hers, but I forced it down (I think I didn’t want mum being told I had been rude and refused her food) - she even offered me seconds!

The next most vile thing was turkey meatballs that I made - I wanted something lighter in fat and calories than beef or pork - they were utterly inedible, despite all the seasonings and other flavours I put in - they were dry and tasted awful - aggressively flavourless, if that makes sense.

I had to bin the lot - and I had made a double batch of them, in a delicious tomato sauce, with the intention of freezing half, to make an easy meal another day. It was heartbreaking.

Whitebait fritter 🤢
Dozens of eyes staring up at me from the plate. I forced as much down me as I could then said I was full. I was asked if I wanted to take the rest of it home in a doggy bag!

My mum once served fish that had been cooked in the microwave 🤢 the texture was absolutely foul.

@KingOfDogShite

Served - I made a Jamie Oliver lemon pasta thing that was completely inedible once. I don’t know what inspired me as it sounds fucking disgusting now 😂

Been served - a lamb shank in a restaurant that had only been cooked for about 1/3 of the required time. It had seams of fat running through it and kind of slid about in my mouth 🤢

I’m pretty sure I made the same JO lemon pasta once.... DS still refers to it as “the pasta that tasted how the bathroom cleaner smells”