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Help me end an inappropriate infatuation

131 replies

TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 05:55

I’m a sensible woman of 53, married to dh since 2012, previously a single mum to dd who is now 18. I’ve been coming on here since 2002 but had a few name changes over the years.

In January I met a man at a work event and instantly and immediately connected in a very powerful way. It was mutual. He’s 8 years younger, also married with two teenage kids.

We messaged each other non-stop after that first meeting, both of us really shocked and surprised to have this connection. We live at opposite ends of the country. We met up just once only for a couple of hours when we were in the same place for work. We had planned to meet again.

Then we hit lockdown. We’re in touch every few days but don’t talk on the phone or anything. Just messages. We’ve swapped a few photographs; not nudes - faces.

The thing is that I know it’s wrong. Dh and I aren’t particularly close, we’re very independent of each other In many ways but he is close to his dw. I feel hideously guilty about her.

I need to end it with him but I can’t stop thinking about him; he dominates every waking moment. I feel as though I’m going mad with longing for him. This isn’t me at all.

How do I move on? Has anybody else had an infatuation like this?

OP posts:
NameChange84 · 13/06/2020 09:58

This has happened to me fully once and almost happened for a second time recently and I realised and shut it down immediately.

The first one was very difficult as he was a work colleague in a very long distance (Australia) relationship. We enjoyed each others company and always chose to work together as we seemed to make a good team, then we started taking our breaks together, then progressed to lunch every day just the two of us out of the work environment, then lunch and dinner just the two of us etc. It sounds ridiculous but it snuck up on us. We hung out a lot just the two of us outside of work. He’d always ask me to be his plus one. As well as seeing each other at work everyday, hanging out together, we’d snapchat and Facebook message each other a lot. That progressed to him being very physically affectionate with me, everything except kissing and sex. I was in love. It was fucking awful.

The only way I got over him was to cut contact completely. I blocked him on everything. Moved job. Moved home. Extreme, I know, but the whole situation was torturous and had went on for a couple of years.

I now feel extremely guilty about what I did, being the other party in an emotional affair and being in love, to his girlfriend/now wife although I’m sure she has no idea I ever existed.

As I say, it almost happened again. This time I shut it down totally and almost immediately. There was a difficult couple of weeks but I just put all the angst into trying to meet someone who, like me, was single and available and made me feel all of the positive things these men did without any of the negative shit. The second guy, I will have to see regularly as he’s part of my friendship group and almost like family but I don't encourage any of his attention, don’t connect much on social media, make sure never to spend one to one time with him, when he does have to message me I don’t get caught up in chit chat or conversation that could lead to anything more. I know what to watch out for this time round and what leads to the awful limerence state.

In a way, you are in a more fortunate situation (although much more risky) than me. On both occasions I was single and very lonely. I know you can be lonely in a marriage too but if it was me I’d use this time to invest more in my marriage. What’s lacking from it that you get from this other guy? How can you rekindle things a bit?

I get that the initial part, of breaking contact, feels unthinkable. You’ve got this person in your life who you love connecting with, who makes you feel amazing, who you can’t imagine ever not being in your life and who makes you feel so happy. How can you live without them?

But you can. It gets easier. I promise. The idea that many years down the line I could have still been stuck in that situation feels like it would have been hell. I do still miss him (the first guy) a lot but I can and am living without him!

No contact is the only way. Trust me.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 10:11

NameChange84 thank you for sharing all that.

I’m old enough to know that time does change feelings. I think probably the pandemic has heightened everything too. Frustrations with my husband, no social outlets. But on the other hand without the pandemic I would likely have spent time with the other guy.

OP posts:
Imissmoominmama · 13/06/2020 10:21

I say this kindly- your feelings are irrelevant because he is married. You need to cut contact now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 10:36

Fair play. I know.

OP posts:
RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 13/06/2020 10:45
  1. Stop being so faux naive and passive about what ‘life has thrown at you’. You pursued this, inappropriately. Own it.
  2. How awful to basically admit you married your husband for financial security for your DD and, what a coincidence, now she’s older and that’s no longer relevant, you’re looking outside your marriage.
  3. If you have enough self respect to not stalk him as you say, then don’t even consider the bullshit ‘can’t I keep his lovely friendship?’. No, you can’t, because thats just you hanging around pining and waiting. Leave him ( and by extension, his wife and children) alone.
TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 10:52

RichTwoTurkeyFriend

  1. I fully own it. I wasn’t looking for it though so you can call that naive if you want

  2. My marriage was a totally honest agreement between me and my husband. Neither of us pretended or had illusions. We were both knackered with life and work and found an appropriate person to be with. He had had some serious ill health and I look after him. Nobody is taking advantage of anybody here. He gives me as much freedom as I need

  3. I think you’re right. I’m not happy being a lovelorn idiot. Which is why I started the thread

OP posts:
SamAndSmith · 13/06/2020 11:43

@RichTwoTurkeyFriend

this 👏🏼

RichTwoTurkeyFriend · 13/06/2020 11:55

So if you really want to own it - then just stop. No longing, emotional messages about your feelings. No excuses about a ‘lovely friendship’ (with someone who, let’s face it, outside of texting you barely know). Salvage the self respect you say you have and act with dignity.

Guiltypleasures001 · 13/06/2020 12:49

Hi op

A few quick points

The attraction for this guy is that you know he's unattainable so there's no danger of him leaving

His filling s hole for you right now because of lockdown and general listlessness on your part

But in reality it's s pointing out the other glaring hole that is years old
And has been getting bigger

He's a little life raft in a sea of loneliness and self reflection about your age life choices and future life

You have an older husband who possibly will need full time care ie you

A dd who will fly the nest and then it's all just you it's all a bit stark isn't it

You do need some talking therapy lovely your not too old your my age
You lack direction or rather you are avoiding the direction you should be looking in which is within Thanks

9millioncansofbeans · 13/06/2020 12:55

I’ve been in this situation. Wasn’t looking for it; was bowled over my the intense connection. I had a marriage which had been built on gas lighting and dishonesty. I ended my marriage and had a relationship with him which then ended.
I do not regret ending my marriage as it was not healthy for me. However I deeply regret spending the last 2 months Of my marriage infatuated with another man. I wish the moment I felt that amazing connection I told him I did t want to be in contact or see him again and I tried to work on myself. Harder as we worked together and he definitely had a motive to get me to leave my husband.
My honest advice is that It can feel intense at the time and meant to be and Disney like but it’s nonsense. Don’t even give him an explanation just block and delete him and invest the energy and emotion in yourself.

9millioncansofbeans · 13/06/2020 12:56

You’ve known him five minutes he does not need a goodbye. By doing it you are just opening the door to his response making you change your mind. I sent so ma y messages to mine telling him I needed space and asking him to respect that, his sad responses meant I never did it .

Put yourself first. This situation is not helping you. End the situation for yourself.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 14:13

Thank you all. Honestly I don’t think he’d push anything. I am more into this than he is so if I said enough, he would disappear.

But I’ve thought about it now and told him that I can no longer be in contact. I haven’t blocked him because I know he won’t push it. And we have mutual work.

I feel sad about it but it’s for the best.

OP posts:
Lisette1940 · 13/06/2020 14:36

I think you are doing the right thing thelittledoglaughed. I wish you all the best going forward.

aibutohavethisusername · 13/06/2020 14:37

You’re definitely doing the right thing but I’d also block him too.

IndecentFeminist · 13/06/2020 14:38

Definitely. Or subconsciously you are waiting for a response. You don't need to be able to contact him, or vice versa. Your messaging as you have and then not blocking him is you hoping he will reply with sadness or to persuade you otherwise.

Movinghouseatlast · 13/06/2020 14:43

Sorry, I didn't see you had replied to me!

No, I never saw him again after that. But, my feelings had turned off like a tap when I told him exactly how I felt. So I think even if I had seen him again I wouldn't have had the feelings for him.

A few years later he got in touch and begged to see me and I said no. I was very proud.

I had a lot of therapy to get to the point of wanting to end my obsession. I think maybe you need to do that?

You need to get out of your marriage if you are so unhappy, and therapy might help you to do that too.

Pogmella · 13/06/2020 15:48

I would delete his details off your phone so you don’t send him a drunk message

backseatcookers · 13/06/2020 16:12

I’m defending him as not an asshole because I don’t think he is

Good people do bad things. You don't need to defend his entire moral character. I don’t think you’re an arsehole but your behaviour is arsehole-like in that you’re having an emotional affair.

He’s been married for 25 years and not cheated.

How can you possibly know that?! You’ve even said “I know virtually nothing about his home life. We have never got into discussing it.” It’s cringe you think you know if he’s been faithful to his real life, long term wife or not!

If I’m honest I can say I’m fond of dh, I care about him but no, I don’t enjoy time with him. I’m always trying to find excuses to do things alone or be jn a different room. I feel crap saying that but it’s true.

What a hurtful way to feel about someone who thinks you enjoy them being part of your life.

Glad to hear you’ve told the other bloke no contact but I really think you should leave your partner regardless if you feel this way, don’t be so selfish.

It’s painfully obvious that you’re basically staying with him until someone ‘better’ comes along and then you’d be off in a shot. He’s just a convenient fall back for you.

Sniv · 13/06/2020 16:29

It's worth being cautious when you make an intense and sudden connection with someone - especially when it makes you behave in ways that are out of character for yourself, and go against your own values. It can be a sign that you're being played by someone who is a skilled manipulator. People can get very good an manufacturing these connections.

WokeUpSmeltTheCoffee · 13/06/2020 17:52

Well done
Now block him too
Look at it this way if he is a nice guy then you are doing him a favour removing temptation from him
Then do as guilty pleasure says and get counselling. She's spot on that this is just an indicator of the real issues for you
What if you do have to provide care to DH as he gets older? You kinda owe him given the stability/ financial deal you made. Isn't that really it? You can see another 10yrs with no chance of a life for yourself.
I'm not trying to make you feel guilty or telling you how to think just asking you to focus on the real issue and confront it.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 13/06/2020 18:56

For those saying limerence this is not limerence. Limerence is when you obsess over something that can never be. Whereas op has already strayed into affair territory and so has the OM. They can both easily start a full blown affair.

LittleMissEngineer · 13/06/2020 19:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MagnoliaJustice · 13/06/2020 21:28

I feel sorry for your husband. You married him for financial security, not for love. Now you say you don't even enjoy his company. You're talking about this amazing connection you have with a workmate.

everything stopped around us and we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other

Seriously? You sound like a One Direction fan who's made eye contact with Harry Styles. Stop kidding yourself this man is The One.

Get some self respect. Treat your husband kindly and let him go. Find a man who excites you and who is single. You're still young. You should never had settled for companionship.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 13/06/2020 22:11

Me and my husband have a mutual understanding. We both know the score.

The other guy replied and, as I predicted, is fine that I want to cut off any romantic connection. He said he can’t give me what I want. We agreed to remain friends as far as possible. And keep our work relationship intact.

So that’s that. I’m sad but I’ll get over it.

OP posts:
backseatcookers · 13/06/2020 22:18

If I’m honest I can say I’m fond of dh, I care about him but no, I don’t enjoy time with him. I’m always trying to find excuses to do things alone or be jn a different room. I feel crap saying that but it’s true.

Your husband "knows the score" you feel this way? That makes me feel really sad.

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