Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

[HelenUrth]

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

@oohnicevase

This is us , I hate my DH's porsche and I cba to drive my own car so he does .. nothing in it just I'm lazy ! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

How you can hate such a thing of beauty! 😂

Driving is absolutely a feminist issue, and I'm not sure why it's a bad thing to say it?

Cars have been around a relatively short time, and apart from the very occasional daring woman, driving was always a male job, and it takes many many generations to shake that.

Given that modelling has such a strong impact, it's not a surprise that there is such a strong bias towards "letting" men drive, for a quiet life, to avoid criticism etc..

But a lot of women on here have noted that they do a ton of driving anyway, and look forward to the break.

I didn't learn for years because it simply didn't seem necessary, I grew up in inner London with buses, trains, and emergency cabs on the doorstep.

I would prefer to do all the driving but am often in too much pain. DH is not a good passenger, but neither am I. He always asks whether I want to drive, and never assumes to drive "my" car.

As to the op having too much time on her hands, I'd be sad if I went through life never noticing anything. How does anything ever change if we don't question it? Minus points to the poster who says "well I don't"... as if their straw poll of one should convince us all to stop questioning!

My husband gets car sick unless driving (so he says), although funnily enough, if he is wanting to drink while out he is more than happy to let me drive! So for years he almost always drove.

Now we both have a car and have had two cars for 4.5 years we are more likely to go out in his car than mine (his is bigger) and over time he has got used to me driving if we use my car.

Yes but you are exactly the type of person that I'm not talking about Plastic Rings. I'm talking about women who may do local journeys but then leave their male partners to do the longer journeys, motorways, driving abroad etc and thus gradually lose confidence to do much more than drive short, familiar routes.

Well, forgive me for the failure in my clairvoyance. You said, 'Honestly, I just don't understand why anyone would want to do this' so I didn't realise you were talking about a specific subset of drivers.

@Cambionome YOu are making a great leap that a woman only goes out in her car with her dh.
I drive all over the place, on my own, with one or more of my dc, with friends, with a colleague, giving lifts to people from one of my hobbies or interests.
This question was about when a couple are in the car together. I suspect all the people that have replied about their 2 car situations, at the very least, drive without their dh quite regularly.

So for Plastic and Backforgood I am referring to women who don't drive a lot on their own and therefore gradually lose confidence when it comes to driving longer or unfamiliar routes.

However, even if you do drive on your own if you let a male partner do all the driving when you are together in most cases after a long relationship your partner will probably end up being the more experienced and confident driver.

Why not take equal responsibility for something that can be stressful and tiring and do your fair share?

I do think that it is a 'thing' where men drive the little woman around, so i get what you mean op. My parents didn't have a car and all my family were late to drive though, my brothers too, so it wasn't a female thing. We all drive autos too, i think all my siblings share my poor co-ordination issues. I didn't learn until i was 40, my dh has been driving since he was 17 and he is way more comfortable than me behind the wheel. It is what it is.

My boyfriend usually drives my car when we go out in it, mostly because I just can’t be arsed and it’s nice to be chauffeured.

I don’t drive his car because it’s pointless insuring me on it, mine is the bigger car, I can’t come up with any reasons why I’d need to drive his.

We each drive our own cars because we prefer them.

DH likes driving, I don’t. DH’s car is a company car so he claims that my car is both of ours’. He also claims that my car is his because it’s in his name 🤨

Why not take equal responsibility for something that can be stressful and tiring and do your fair share?

Because I find it more stressful and tiring than he does. He's fine with it. I don't think there's anything wrong with allocating chores by preference. Not every task has to be split down the middle (in fact, if you try to do it that way, the woman often comes off worst- I am doing 100% of the pregnancies and the night feeds due to breastfeeding and that can't be shared. If I did 50% of everything else too that'd be a bit unfair, to my mind).

And yes, DH is probably a more confident driver than me. But I'm pretty damn confident and competent myself, and I don't think being exactly as confident as he is is necessary for me to maintain my driving skill at a safe and usable level. It's not a competition.

I have my own car but DH car is larger do we use that for family trips due to space. I have my car and drive when I have to but hate driving in dark especially. DH drives as a favour to me as I don't like driving. If he gets tired then I do take over. He opens car door for me too when we go out. It is good manners. I like and expect it. Same when we get to restaurant, he opens door for me.

My husband is a poor passenger.
Many years ago he couldn’t drive for health reasons but still thought it appropriate to back seat drive. I explained he could walk, take a cab, or appreciate what I was giving up to chauffeur him around. He got the message.
Now he can drive again I let him drive because I don’t care about driving and I can’t be bothered with telling him to shut up when he still back seat drives. He wants to do it, he’s welcome.

Women let men drive more not because men are better drivers but because they are infinitely worse passengers.

My ex always drove my car because, despite being an aggressive driver who would speed up way too fast if we were being tailgated, he would constantly criticise my (absolutely fine) driving. It would make me so cross. It's basically what he did all day every day and the car was no different. It was easier to let him drive

He's written off 3 cars BTW but he was the perfect driver in his eyes

Why not take equal responsibility for something that can be stressful and tiring and do your fair share?

Because - as has also been said by so many other posters - my dh doesn't find driving 'stressful and tiring'. Nor do I generally - I'm completely neutral about it. I'm quite happy to drive long distance, or at night, or on motorways or through City Centres. I do it to get to wherever I need to be. It doesn't worry or bother me. However, my dh enjoys it.
In life there are people that enjoy all sorts of different things that others find a chore, or find scary - cooking, gardening, singing on stage, running a 10K, traveling the world, looking after a tiny baby, and, in this case, driving. I'm not going to spend more time than I need to doing anything except things that I enjoy. Oddly, they might be different from what you enjoy. Or different from what my dh enjoys That's okay.

I tend to drive as we use my car more often. It’s set up for the dog.
He’ll drive if we’re out in the evening and it’s my turn to drink.
I don’t drive his car very often because I don’t like driving it. I can but it tends only to be used when he’s on his own.

Dh drives more often, no matter which car we are in, because I have no wish to drive if I don’t have to and he can parallel park a car in such ridiculously tight spaces he’s left his mates amazed.

DH drives because he's anxious with anyone else behind the wheel. It makes for a much more relaxing drive that way round and I'm quite happy with the arrangement.

He does have double standards though. We make wrong turns or miss a turn with about the same frequency usually because we're on figuartive autopilot. I don't blink an eye if he does it but if I do it it gets pointed out.

@alongtimeagoandfaraway that is so true.
I was a nervous driver and my ex destroyed what little confidence I had.
After he left I bought a car and forced myself to drive (live in London zone 2 so no real need) and as my confidence had increased I've started to really enjoy driving.
He really held me back and I suspect that's happening up and down the country.

My DH never wants to drive.

I always prefer to drive, I get bored being a passenger. I am Happy to drive long distances whereas dh likes to sleep! Dh and I have a car each, mine is nicer ( I pay for it myself- we have separate accounts)- dh will sometimes say he'll drive my car like he's doing me a favour! I just say no thanks! I do notice though that most couples I know the male usually drives.

DH always drives

I am an incredibly nervous driver. I feel like I am being bombarded with information. BI hate driving, but where I live it is a necessity so I do it when I must.

I always drive! My OH is terrible with his sense of direction and overall I think I'm a better driver, although he would probably disagree. I'm also not a good passenger when he is driving

Why pamper life's complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger seat?

My DP loves driving my car, it’s a Jeep (he calls it the Go- cart’) and will happily drive hundreds of miles without complaint! I’m in charge of sat -nav, music, sweets, quizzes and pointing out things of interest 🤷‍♀️
He treats it well, has my strange parking quirks and is a really good driver... no complaints here!
I just think he finds it more fun than his own dull car😁