I've found a property

[tectonicplates]

A ten bedroom detached house, for the bargain price of 40 MILLION POUNDS, which I can totally afford - I choose to live in a one bedroom flat just for fun, obviously. This is a lot of money even for the area, although it is on a lovely road near Hampstead Heath.

www.zoopla.co.uk/new-homes/details/53120999

I don't like the design of the house from the outside, and I think the inside is just a little bit too glitzy for me. Mind you, it has a lift! And a lovely porthole to look into the swimming pool. I do like round windows, so at least that's something.

On the downside, it's a 22 minute walk to the tube, and it's on the Northern Line, which sucks. I might just have to buy a Ferrari to get myself around town.

Thank you tectonic, this has been fun. Seriously though I hope you’re happy in your new place, but please at least have a big slide fitted into that pool!

@CherryValanc

Pretty much sorted now, Party House and Family home for just under 50 million, plus the bonus of the one-bedroomed flat for fun.

All you need know is a country getaway. Somewhere by the sea maybe?

The thing is we're still not allowed to take public transport, so even if we bought a house by the sea we'd have no way of getting there as we don't drive.

We could, of course, solve this problem by hiring our very own private chauffeur.

The sofa in the hideous billiards room. Wtf?

@TheFaerieQueene

The sofa in the hideous billiards room. Wtf?

Also the billards room doesn't really look like it goes with the rest of the house. If you saw the photo on its own, you'd think it was in the basement of some dingy pub.

@Fanthorpe

Thank you tectonic, this has been fun. Seriously though I hope you’re happy in your new place, but please at least have a big slide fitted into that pool!

Oh, so that's why nobody seems to like it - it doesn't have a slide! Thank you so much for your suggestion, as it will obviously solve the entire problem. Can you get slides from Ikea?

Here you go - I like it as there so many rooms they haven't even bothered to name try an give a name for the rooms.

www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/51409135?search_identifier=881c53c92da9e6c86b98e34de70e1f65

Of course, you'd have a chauffeur, terrible silly of you to think otherwise! There's staff bungalow to house him or her in, plus room for a spare in case the first needs to sleep or has the audacity to be ill.

Doesn't seem to have stables though, which is disappointing. Unsure of the price too, but hey ho!

Looks like something tony stark would live in!

@CherryValanc

Here you go - I like it as there so many rooms they haven't even bothered to name try an give a name for the rooms.

www.zoopla.co.uk/for-sale/details/51409135?search_identifier=881c53c92da9e6c86b98e34de70e1f65

Of course, you'd have a chauffeur, terrible silly of you to think otherwise! There's staff bungalow to house him or her in, plus room for a spare in case the first needs to sleep or has the audacity to be ill.

Doesn't seem to have stables though, which is disappointing. Unsure of the price too, but hey ho!

Oh that place in Exeter looks amazing! I did once stay at a country house hotel that was a bit like that. Really lovely. I especially like the kitchen, although I don't know why someone's put a rug in front of the stove. Surely it would get splashed with food all the time?

What’s with the weird wavy brown things in the garden coming down the slope from the trees in the last picture?

Devon house is amazing isnt it. Sixteen bedrooms and an attic with a eleven bedrooms!! I'd get lost!

Found it on another site, it as a mere 8 million.

I agree that money certainly doesn’t buy taste.

Is it not terribly common to have ones home sold via a public listing on the internet? All those...people.. who’ve seen inside it, even those individuals who may very well be Not Quite Our Type.
Not for me, sweeties!

The Hampstead one could be wonderful, the features are amazing as is the location. The decor, not so much

Just imagine the window cleaning bill. Even if I could afford that house, I couldn't afford to actually live in it

I wouldn't want to dine there; you'd keep knocking elbows with the person next to you.
No leg room on those corners either.