Facing an entire weekend alone.

[Lonelylockdown22]

I was at work yesterday, day off today. Not in until Monday now. That will mean three whole days completely alone. I won't see a single other person until I go to work on Monday. My life is so unbearably lonely.

Lonliness can be quite complex.
A place with other people can be grounding and little interactions enough to feel human again, or it can be even more isolating and reinforce separation from the social world.

You can be lonely with other people around if they are not meeting your needs. At this moment, I'm bored in bed with DH snoring next to me and can hear the DCs sqwarking over Minecraft from the opposite end of the house. I haven't had my home to myself for countless weeks. It's not the same as OP's lonliness but it is a related type of disconnect of social need.

Try meeting a friend. The odds are much more favourable at the moment that friends with partners or children will be similarly fed up of their social balance and be more willing to meet than on a normal weekend, especially if they are not getting out to a work place.

Admittedly I'm quite nervous of making social enquiries at the moment just incase someone is sensitive enough to take it as a plot for attempted murder, such are the perils of using MN to while away the hours

@UnaCorda

I've spent 11 weeks alone.

I've been on my own for 3 months, am absolutely fine in spite of suffering from severe anxiety.

I live alone and haven't seen a single person since I was made to isolate in march.

Well have spent the last 30 years alone.

FFS. How are any of these responses helpful to the OP?

Exactly.

I think the ‘unhelpful’ (as theyve been described) responses are just to let the OP know she is not alone.
That some people choose to live their lives like that.
That being alone can be a valid choice and it’s not the end of the world for some.
That doesn’t mean the OP should or should not feel like that herself. It’s just people’s viewpoints.

But there is plenty of good advice here to help the OP get out, chat online, or do good in the community too.
There are choices.
It doesn’t have to be like this.
There is hope for everyone who chooses to make changes in their lives.

@Lonelylockdown22

Have any of the positive posts been of any help to you?

You're not engaging with the thread - I realise there are a lot of tone deaf people who have posted less-than-empathetic stuff, but there's a lot here that you could be considering.

I'm wondering, though, if the lack of engagement suggests something more about you? I don't mean this to sound or be mean, but often in life you have to go towards things, rather than expect them to come to you, and I wonder if this is something you might identify with?

Anyway, enough of the cod psychology! I hope that you have found something positive and helpful from all this.

Well I went to tesco and I rang a relative. And I still feel like shit!

I'm sorry you still feel like shit. Big hug coming your way 🤗🤗🤗

@Lonelylockdown22

An advanced search of your posting name shows that you've made lots of posts talking about how you feel. Yet none of them, including this one, ever indicate that you have recognised or taken on board any of the advice or help that you've been given.

I wonder why that might be?

This is every single day for me. Even outside of lockdown. I work from home and am a very long way away from family and friends.

All I can suggest is going for walks and trying to connect with people however you can even it's just a smile to each other when you pass in the street, keep in touch with people virtually if you can, and keep posting here

If you work from home, even outside of lockdown, why don't you consider moving nearer your family wheresmolly?

That's interesting BIWI

I totally 'get' that everyone will have times when they are feeling down for one reason or another, or for none. We are in strange times and it affects people differently but you still have to think about why you have no-one to chat to or ring or take part in a quiz or a virtual meet up with.
Some people like solitude, so that's why. Fine
However, if you, as a person, don't like being alone, then it is you, as a person, who has to do something about it.

Agreed, during this strange time it won't have been possible to join something new - well, except for all the charities that have been looking for befrienders to call folk once or twice a week. Have you done that?
But people that do have people to call, people to "meet" with on one platform or another, people to attend virtual meetings with, people to go for a walk with, are all doing these things with their normal social circle. So, what have you done, since moving to that area, to meet some new people ? What have you done, to keep in touch with friends from before your move ? What do you do to keep in touch with family ? What do you do to keep in touch with former colleagues / school mates / neighbours / university friends (if applicable) former team mates (if applicable) , etc ?

there is an element of self responsibility and self motivation to having a 'social circle'

There’s some great zoom things on just now might be worth looking into.

BackforGood you're right and for some people that is good advice, but loneliness of this kind, omnipresent and seemingly unsolvable is often intrinsically linked with mental health problems like anxiety or depression. It's not something that can be solved with practical steps from the loneliness end of things because that's a symptom not a cause.

Going back to the food analogy it's a bit like telling an anorexic 'there's an element of self responsibility and self motivation here. What are you doing to gain weight? Why don't you cook something? Have you eaten anything today? Why don't you eat an apple?'.

You're not wrong. Eating is the solution to extreme weight loss, like being better/making more effort socially is the answer to loneliness, but unfortunately it's not really that straightforward. If only it was!

Could you try volunteering or joining a local club / book group or WI group? There’s also the rambling club or walkers clubs if in your area. Or home start to help families who need help. If you like animals you could volunteer with them ie walk a rescue dog or go and cuddle new kittens. Hope you can find something to do to fill your void. 💐

I want what you have so much, I could cry. And I do mean as a permanent situation. Sharing space with people relentlessly is exhausting. I know that doesn't help you OP but you treating it as if it's the worst thing ever is quite wrong.

You can meet with up to five friends, though.

Only if the Op has 5 friends in a position to meet up with her.

I fancied going out and socialising this weekend, unfortunately nobody else wanted to, when I asked I got:

I'm going towards bbq with friends (it rained )
My weekends are for my family
I'm going to London for the weekend

So no socialising for me, I worked instead.

What would you like your weekend to be like, OP? Envisaging that is the first step to working out how to make it happen. But it will involve effort and consistent work to change things.

I know that doesn't help you OP but you treating it as if it's the worst thing ever is quite wrong

Sorry why is it wrong? How do you know it’s not the worst thing ever for her????

If this is the same poster that I'm thinking of she has been posting threads like this for years
This is not lockdown specific
And the threads always go the same way

I hope she's getting help for whatever it is that is preventing her from socialising, her self esteem must be shot to pieces.

Someone has asked me to go for a walk at the weekend so this weekend should be a bit better

That's a great update OP

I understand about feelings of isolation during lockdown but as I have lived on my own for 15 years with my ds I have learned to grow happy with my own company. It is often a lot easier than being reliant on others. Perhaps living alone is a new thing for u? There are many pleasurable activities we can do alone. Netflix mumsnet radio 4. I also attend a virtual Buddhist group. Music. London radio. We need to be happy with ourselves before we can be happy with others. My main gripe right now is money and ds being off school. However it can only get better and we do at least have the lovely light evenings this time of year. I can also suggest to not obsess too much with the media all the pandemic news highly negative. Not to be listened to overly long! I hope u enjoy yr walk the weekend and the weather is kind. Take care of yourself.