Facing an entire weekend alone.

[Lonelylockdown22]

I was at work yesterday, day off today. Not in until Monday now. That will mean three whole days completely alone. I won't see a single other person until I go to work on Monday. My life is so unbearably lonely.

Do you have a Next Door group for your area? Or a local WhatsApp group (although the latter can be hard to find out about without knowing anyone who is in it!)

Because of Covid-19, there are lots of 'unusually' neighbourly things going on right now, so these would be a great way of getting to know people locally.

Can you consider volunteering in some way? Our local food banks are desperate for people to help, for example. Or find a local environmental group and help with their activities.

I'm very low in confidence so I don't think anyone would really want to meet up with me

This is a really sad thing to read - and I'm absolutely, 100% sure that it's not going to be the case! But you'll need to make a bit of an effort to get to know other people.

Op it doesn't have to be this way. Some really good suggestions on here.

You could also check out your local Mumsnet page, and get chatting to other MNetters who live near you. You don't have to meet up with them, but it's nice to talk to people who live in the same place, and can share your views/concerns, etc.

Also, check Facebook - they often have local groups. (Some are better than others, though!)

Some people have gone weeks or months without seeing anyone at all, so I don’t think you’re doing too bad.

I feel for you OP. I live alone too. I understand exactly how you feel and I'm pretty at the idea you can just go to tesco and all will be well, let alone those pp saying how they'd positively enjoy it. I'd call it spiteful if I didn't think it was just ignorant.

So...

Longer term, you need to work out a way of being happy in your own company; and coping strategies for when that doesn't work as well as hoped. Otherwise you just spiral into feeling shit and even worse than you started out with.

If I am brutally honest, when I have found it hard lately, I have ended up pissing about on the internet, working, or I just go to bed. I have been in bed so early I can still hear children out playing! But so what? It's my bed and my life.

You also need to let yourself feel sad sometimes, if that is what you are feeling. Trying to block it won't magically stop you feeling it. Sometimes life really really sucks and you feel really really lonely. While its shit, it is ok to feel like that and it won't be forever.

Short term, you need to find something that completely takes over your brain - whether through the monotony of it; or because it is working so hard. Exercise is one thing - I focus on doing that for the whole time and then the bonus of endorphins too. I have also been writing little cards to people out of the blue, with a few haribo or other flat sweets in - doing that gives me pleasure to know they will get something lovely and focuses my mind too. You can buy postage online so all you need to do is then drop them in the postbox!

Courage OP. It may be hard now but you will get through this and you will be ok. Hopefully some of the ideas here will help you this weekend.

Nobody said all would be well if she went to Tesco.

I think that although it may not help you feel less lonely, getting out for a long walk will definitely make you feel better and be better than staying in, especially in a town you don’t know that well - at least you have something fairly new to explore. Wear yourself out and then resting alone at home will feel much better.

OP, what I’m going to say is meant kindly. I have been where you are: I knew no one when I moved to this country and I’m quite shy and reserved. My moving to this country coincided with a low ebb in my self-confidence and over weekends I would easily go the full time alone.

I was unhappy about it and became quite depressed. But slowly I realised that if I wanted to be happier, I had to do the work.

So I joined things. Invited people to the pub or for a coffee or for a walk, even if I couldn’t imagine why they’d want to. Joined a group or two. And even though the times it didn’t work hurt like hell, I forced myself to get out there again even though it was HARD.

And it worked. My confidence improved. I met some nice people. I met my now husband. I won’t pretend I have a massive social circle and go on huge group holidays but I have people I can call, chat to, go out with, and rely on in a crisis. Sometimes I realise I need to put myself out there again because I’m at a different life stage and god, I still hate those early stages. But my life now is unrecognisable from when I arrived in this country.

Do the work. It’s worth it.

I have 5 DC and used to crave being alone. I would cherish every hour I had alone. At some points I remember wishing I could have a minor accident so I could be in hospital on my own.

Through separations and having to be in sick from work I have actually spent a good chunk of time on my own in the last year and I hate it. I absolutely hate it. No matter how much I have “tried to make the best of it” nothing compensates for the actual loneliness.

All these ideas you are giving the OP might actually make her feel more miserable as she might feel then that it her fault. It’s not. Humans I don’t think are meant to be alone so it can be absolute torture.

@Lonelylockdown22 - I would have loved to have children, but I was quoting someone else's post. In fact I'm like you (I assume) - single and childless. I live on my own and have hardly seen anyone since March. I probably won't see anyone again for another week.

I understand that many of the practical suggestions don't really help when you're experience that profound feeling of solitude and loneliness. Sometimes I find being engrossed in a book or box set helpful, but it tends to be more a diversion than anything.

Is there anyone you could call over the weekend who would have the time to have a proper chat? Not just small talk. Someone who wouldn't make you feel they were doing you a favour by talking to you or give you the impression they'd rather be doing something else.

I would try to get out, even if it is on your own, as staying indoors all weekend is likely to intensify the feeling of being cut off. (I don't always manage this myself...)

Good luck and I hope you wake up feeling a bit better tomorrow.

Offer to dog walk via local Facebook town page. Explain you’ve got time to kill and need some exercise, fresh air and human interaction. Dog walking is social.

Also pod casts, talk radio a books through audible

I think it's really hard to reach out when you're really lonely and feel on the outskirts of everyone else's lives, particularly in the current situation. It's hard work and changes feel risky and won't happen quickly. I'm sorry you're feeling isolated and perhaps in due course you might want to look at some of these suggestions. If at the moment you just want someone to hear how you're feeling that's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask for as I see it.

I spent quite a few years in my 20s in your position. I felt on the periphery of life. I used to go night walking because I just couldn't stand being in my flat sometimes. I remember walking through the posh residential areas of my city and seeing the lights on and families in their homes and just couldn't imagine ever having that life. So, I get it. I have no real advice, just offering empathy. You are not alone.

Well said @ilovesooty

me too op! Just know that you're not alone, in being alone I've started doing yoga with adriene on YouTube on days I'm alone along with hiit classes- starting to feel much more positive! Hope you can find a way to embrace the time alone

I have a DP who I dont get along with.
I actually envy you, op.
Rather be alone than have company thats not wanted.
Feeling lonely in your own home is horrible, doesn't take away your situation of course, but just wanted to put another perspective out there.
I would love just to be alone and able to do what I want.. no question, judgement or trying to fill silences.
Fill your time with things that make you happy, if you can. Try and enjoy your time. Having company doesn't always amount to being good.
Sending virtual hugs. X x x

Being lonely is really hard.

I have lived alone since my partner died at the beginning of 2019, so I do understand just how lonely those weekends are and also how difficult those injunctions to 'join something' are

It'd be so nice if someone called you to suggest something and not to have all the responsibility to fix everything on your own shoulders.

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself, something kind and lovely... you do need to try and find a community that you belong to, but meanwhile try and mitigate the loneliness with routine and fun and treats

Sorry your feeling lonely OP. Life sucks sometimes.

What are your hobbies?

@KingOfDogShite the OP said she doesn't have any.
@Ginfordinner thank you.
I thought the post from @redeyetonowheregood was lovely.

Omg that's my absolute dream. I love weekends alone. I cook, eat good food, watch movies/tv series/youtube, upcycle furniture, read, pamper myself, exercie/yoga/pilates, decorate my home, online shopping, cleaning...
you should try to find ways to entertain yourself and enjoy your own company.

@vixxo

Omg that's my absolute dream. I love weekends alone. I cook, eat good food, watch movies/tv series/youtube, upcycle furniture, read, pamper myself, exercie/yoga/pilates, decorate my home, online shopping, cleaning... you should try to find ways to entertain yourself and enjoy your own company.

Do you really think that's helpful or supportive?

First off I wouldn’t assume no one would want to be in your company because of your low self-esteem. Low self-esteem does not make you unlikeable or uninteresting or an other un.

It’s really tough at the moment because of the restrictions on trying things out in your new area.

What sort of things do you enjoy or could see yourself trying ? Would you be prepared to look into the Women’s Institute groups in your area? I live alone and am divorced and I moved to a different area. Someone suggested the WI so I contacted a few groups that I could get to and decided to check them out. The first one I tried I instantly clicked with the woman who had set it up. It was the opposite of the stereotypical jam and Jerusalem set up. Loads of women from cool teens up to 80+. We’ve done everything from making re-usable sanitary kits for women in countries where it’s difficult to access san pro, to singing, still life, drumming, bread making, perfume making, tai chi, trips to exhibitions, pop up cafes and have talks by all sorts of people. I’ve met some amazing women through it.

Feeling lonely is soul destroying and weekends can feel endless and so sad. But just because you are lonely now please try hold on to the fact that things can change and you aren’t destined to be lonely for ever. From my late 20s to mid 40s was a desperate time but I gradually rebuilt my life and made the best friends I’ve ever had. In fact it made me realise that I didn’t really have what you’d call real friends before. What I’m trying to say is however bad you feel now things will change.

Oh OP this is my life.
I just went to the local shop to get out of the house. Not how I imagined my life