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Experiences of racism

84 replies

nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 14:09

I've been following the BLM movement over the the last week or so. I live in a predominately white area (am white myself) . I obviously am aware of racism in the form of name calling etc but I really want to educate myself in some of the more underhand/ systematic forms of racism people experience that may go unnoticed to someone who hasn't had their eyes opened to it and just gain more understanding on the subject. Any experiences welcome Smile

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Picalilliandcheese · 05/06/2020 14:58

Being of a white appearance, I’ve largely been free of anything. However, when I was in year 2 of primary school, we all had to paint our mums. We were told how to make pink paint, even me when they knew my Mum wasn’t pink. Halfway through my picture, I realised it was wrong and had to switch to brown.

I also had to leave brownies because of the insidious racism me and my sister suffered from.

Carpballs · 05/06/2020 15:01

I am mixed race but look quite 'English' and have a very English name and surname, although I have experienced 'mild' racism, more so when i was younger. The following are examples from friends and family:

Not getting interviews - sending in CV with traditional birth name, hearing nothing back and then sending in same CV with anglicised name and being invited to an interview...

Deliberate mispronunciation of names, along the lines of the Jade Goody Big Brother moment.

"You all look the same to me"

"Your kind are all the same"

A lot of what I have seen is really subtle or laughed off as 'banter'. Makes me sick.

nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 15:26

@Picalilliandcheese @PerditaProvokesEnmity wow that has really blown me away! It's these kinds of stories that make me take a step back and think it's been there all along right under my nose and I've never even picked up on it! So subtle, I guess this is what's meant by white privilege not seeing this things because I'm never exposed to them!

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nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 15:31

@carpballs forgot to tag you in above comment

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BankofNook · 05/06/2020 15:33

I'm white so I haven't encountered racism directed at me but I have encountered it directed at others.

I used to work in a job where our main role was administering payments due to customers that were based on their circumstances. We dealt with both letters and phone calls, inbound and outbound. It was very cliquey and the team I was on were among the worst for it. There was a group of 4-5 people on the team who would read out any "foreign" sounding customer names and make a comment such as "oh here we go... Iqbal Singh. What do you reckon? Five kids, all the business profits in his wife's name, and will expect me to book an interpreter?" Then after contacting him they would reel off which points they were correct on. They would turn their mics off during calls in order to mock customer accents or make remarks such as "learn English" and "wish I was black so I could claim loads instead of coming in here every day". One woman really resented having to use the interpreter service and was very vocal that "people who speak enough English to fill in the forms shouldn't need an interpreter to speak to us". She would tell these customers she was getting an interpreter and instead would leave them on hold until they hung up, sometimes it would take anything up to an hour and it was an 0845 number. They would pass comment on the amounts being paid and make remarks about how they bet it would be wasted on designer clothing that was only going to end up full of knife holes anyway. They would remark that it was rarely the wives calling up because "they don't like the women knowing how much money is going in and out". Really awful stuff.

They would try tell me how to do my job. If I was working a case they'd ask me why I was bothering processing "their forms" and to sift it back to the bottom of the pile "they can wait".

When I said I wanted to do my job properly I got a reputation for being stuck up and that I thought myself too good for the job.

I complained to our manager both about the attitude towards customers and the attitude towards me for not doing what they were doing. The manager told them to tone it down but in a really wishy-washy way so of course they didn't. I complained again and our manager took me into a meeting room for an informal discussion about my attitude, that I was being deliberately difficult, and that I was making myself unlikeable and was not a team player. I was told to join in more with team camaraderie, to stop being a tattle tale, and to grow up, that other people were entitled to their opinion just as much as I was and I was confusing normal office banter with the very serious decision of racism. Did I not know that those accusations could ruin careers? And just theirs, it would ruin mine too because people wouldn't want a co-worker who they'd be afraid was going to get them into trouble the first time she misinterprets a joke.

I couldn't quit because I needed the money but I did ask for a transfer to a different team which was granted however my manager told my new manager that I was immature and difficult to work with. I was warned not to bring any of that silliness with me to the new team. I ended up leaving not long after and last I was aware via a couple of friends who still work there, those 4-5 colleagues are still there and are still just as unpleasant.

FIL occasionally comes out with rubbish about people coming here and taking our jobs, stealing our benefits, that you're more likely to be hired for a job role if you're not white because of "quotas" Hmm I usually ask him "why's that?" and "what do you mean?" and let him toe himself in knots.

hoppos · 05/06/2020 15:45

I'm white but married to a BAME man. It has really opened my eyes. For me it's the subtle everyday things. The looks between people if for instance he answers the phone in public to his mum and speaks in another language. (He isn't speaking loud.) The weird questions/conservations he has. For some reason people often have to list all the people they know of his ethnicity/tell him stories about other people with the same skin colour. I cringe when he is so polite back as if he's really interested.
'Work banter' esp in construction jobs. It's all just good fun patting him on the back Hmm he has to laugh because 'he doesn't want to be seen as one of them who plays the race card.'
As a white person I know I will never truly understand. But I hate when trying to explain it to others including my own family. I can see they don't want to really listen and just come out with things like 'well it's a lot better than it once was.'

nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 15:53

@hoppos my friend is married to a BAME man and she tells a very similar story to yours!

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hoppos · 05/06/2020 15:53

Just remembered a recent example. Going into my house recently a family were moving in across the road (just before COVID). They came over to say hello all seemed nice until the asked me about the area and said they were worried about it having too many ethnics. Basically that racist they assumed everyone else is the same. I wish I had said more than I did I just replied is that a jokeHmm

nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 15:54

@hoppos that is shocking. As if people are so unapologetically open about it! It really is sad

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Decmum19 · 05/06/2020 15:57

I'm Asian and have experienced racism my whole life, albeit it's not as bad now. When I was a kid growing up we were the only Asian family in a small seaside town. I was encouraged to go to a weekly church group and every week a guy who lived 4 doors down from me beat me up for the colour of my skin. It only stopped when my SS found out and told him to stop. My mum was spat on and they used derogatory terms when speaking to us. It was an incredibly difficult time for us and made me wonder why people would be so horrible.

Admittedly I don't experience as much racism now but a few years back my BIL made jokes about Asian people on FB and when I told him it was racist he defended and said because he had a friend from another ethnic minority that it didn't make him a racist. Subsequently I found out that he also used derogatory comments for their race as well and blamed it on the way he was brought up.

I now have a daughter and although she is white I worry about the conversation I will have to have with her when she grows up. I thought things would improve in time but it seems that there is still ignorance out there. I'm not saying everyone is racist and we should treat everyone the same because of our experiences. I just would like for some people to learn that skin colour doesn't determine the kind of person you are or make you less of a human.

whatthefuckamigoingtodo · 05/06/2020 16:09

When I moved in to my new house , my neighbour said to me,"it's nice round here, not many coloureds"

nikkijr1990 · 05/06/2020 16:21

@whatthefuckamigoingtodo Jesus ! I really have lived a very protected life !

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mbosnz · 05/06/2020 16:31

From NZ, so slightly different, but sadly similar.

I took Te Reo Maori, so learned to pronounce names etc in Te Reo correctly, and just as a matter of course. I was working in the council and an older gentleman who had been pointed out to me as notoriously aggressive and cranky, came to pay his bill. He was a Maori gentleman, and I saw his name on his rates bill, and said, that will be $x, thank you Mr . . .saying his name correctly. The older lady I worked with, corrected me, with the usual Kiwi bastardisation of his name. Mr. . . laughed, pointed at me, and said, 'the girly's right.' He was so happy. He always remembered my name and made sure to deal with me, and we became firm friends. The older lady I was working with was not best pleased.

Another one, I have a Maori friend, she and I went shopping together. I'd never been assiduously followed around the supermarket by security before. . . she told me that happened to her every time.

penguinsbegin · 05/06/2020 16:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grassisgreeener · 05/06/2020 16:42

Being called a 'paki' when I was little. Being told to 'go home' and that women weren't allowed to drive in Afganistan so what was I doing on the streets and then sworn at by the driver while in my car.

Spat at by the local racist.

Now I'm older and in the work environment, usually 'you are not like the rest of them' or 'you're like us' when referring to ethnic minorities.

I'm neither from Pakistan or Afganistan by the way but I guess geography isn't a strong point amongst racists.

mencken · 05/06/2020 16:58

I'm white so it seems to be assumed that I am happy to hear the following:

(re a wrecked property, discussion at the tip while disposing of some of the filth) 'foreigners, were they?' No, home grown British drug dealers, although I didn't meet them so I can't speak for their skin colour.

sadly too many to detail from SOME OF the senior locals about problematic land owners who are Asian (why is this even mentioned?) or the prevalence of Asians in Birmingham.

not good.

Bargainhuntbore · 05/06/2020 17:15

Im white and Welsh. Being called a sheep shagger, saying our language is pointless.

That’s also racism.

mbosnz · 05/06/2020 17:18

I'd call that prejudice rather than racism.

(Incidentally, being Kiwi, we get the sheep shagger thing, even worse if you're from Rangiora where there was that distressing incident with a man molesting a donkey).

And Maori get told that their language is irrelevant and pointless too, that's very much based in racism though - there's a certain sector in NZ society that rates anything and anyone to do with Maori at something less than zero.

mbosnz · 05/06/2020 17:23

This has led to an interesting discussion in this house as to what constitutes a race - DH and DD agree with you that it can be based on nationality and language and have found definitions that tend to agree with this, so I'll defer to you and to them!

Annamaria14 · 05/06/2020 17:24

Racism/xenophobia broke my entire family up. And I am white.

My dad was English and he married an Irish woman living in England. They had three children.

My mother suffered such extreme abuse for being Irish, that she could not take it anymore. My Dad did not want to leave England. So they divorced, and she brought all the children to Ireland. My family split up- all because of racism.

She said that when my brother's teacher in England told her that my brother was stupid because he was Irish, she could not take anymore. She did not want us to go through the same abuse that she did.

People think its funny to say "oh the Irish are stupid", and dont think about it too much. But racism has severe consequences. It broke my whole entire family up.

PinkyU · 05/06/2020 17:30

@Bargainhuntbore “welsh” is not a race, it’s a nationality/cultural identity.

Being called a sheepshagger is not racist. Neither is it an insult reserved solely for welsh people.

Speaking welsh is cultural(for some), not pertaining to race.

HTH.

Villanelle1 · 05/06/2020 17:48

I'm white and husband arabic with a 10 year old daughter. When she was 5 or 6 she got told by another child she couldn't play as 'no brown faces allowed'. When she was 9 playing in the park a boy the same age called her the n word. I was actually shocked at this coming from a child Obviously getting it from their parents

doadeer · 05/06/2020 17:50

DH is black. Honestly hundreds of examples.
Some that come to mind

  • threatened to be hanged from a tree when he was little by white neighbours
  • told he was playing "jungle bunny" music at work
  • refused entry many bars to meet me if we aren't together
  • stopped and forcebly searched for drugs on his lunchbreak from work
  • beaten up by bouncers

Then there's the hyper sexualisation. He has been the target of lots of female attention because they feel "riske" having sex with a black man.

He is always photographed at work without his permission and featured on their website. When he complained they told him "we all have a duty" (by a white colleague who lectured him about diversity)

There was certain places we wouldn't feel comfortable going on holiday for sure.

His life has been very hard. He actually said he is relieved our son is light skinned so he won't have to face the prejudice he has. It broke my heart.

Annamaria14 · 05/06/2020 17:51

@PinkyU welsh is a race. Or more specifically she could say Welsh Caucasian

The law says:

Race discrimination is when you’re treated unfairly because of one of the following things:

colour
nationality
ethnic origin
national origin.

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