It wasn’t wind... it was a baby!

[Ohshitx]

So here’s part 2 (which is crazy to me)

There isn’t really an update as such I should hear today or tomorrow regarding a scan. I’ve got the MW again on Thursday and I suppose this week will be the week of grand reveals.

I’m sorry if I disappear for a day at a time I’m still trying to wrap my own head around this.

@Ohshitx

Morning,

Again, I can’t see what’s been said. So I can’t respond 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t told anyone, my head is so screwed up with this. I keep going to have the conversation and then I can’t, I can’t make the words come out. This is going to completely turn my DS world upside down. I don’t know if it’s because there’s a lack of choice, I would have kept the baby anyway I think. But the choice is gone.

Sorry I don’t mean to just come on here and ramble.

Don’t worry about what they said. Nothing spectacular or groundbreaking or even witty.

If you need to use this thread as a place to just vent, go for it! Slightly different but, when I fell pregnant at 19, it took months for me to get my head around it. I just pretended it wasn’t happening. I didn’t go to a midwife until I was about 16 weeks and we didn’t tell family until a couple of weeks after that. Our parents were understandably shocked but supportive and couldn’t adore our DD(6) any more than they do. We’re now expecting DC2 and telling them was still scary this time. I’m 26 now, married, we own our own home, financially independent and have careers. No reason to be scared but I still was!

It may well turn your DS's world upside down. But not in a bad way! He will likely be really pleased when he returns to school eventually, to have some very exciting news. My DS was thrilled when we told him we were having a baby. He'd always insisted that he didn't want a sibling, until we told him. It turned out that he'd actually felt left out because all the other school kids had a brother or a sister. He'd never told us that. There is a five year age gap between my two. Four years on and he still adores her and everyone comments on how sweet they are together.

Could you tell your best friend first so at least you could normalise saying the words. Then either your Mum or your son and then the dad. I think k once you say it out loud to someone the rest will happen a lot easier.

As an aside though, I would tell a friend or two first as practise. Then send FWB a text ahead of calling him. Then, when the dust has settled, tell your mother. Finally your DS. At this point your mum will most likely be excited and her enthusiasm will rub off on your DS and she will make a fuss of him.

Ha ha. Just seen crossed post from justanother above.
I bet now that i've made things worse by giving completely conflicting advice. At least we both agree on telling a friend first.

Morning @Ohshitx,

I can only imagine how you're feeling about telling people, its a massive piece of news.

Its going to be a shock, but you do need their support.

I've been following this but haven't commented so far. Could I suggest, when you do tell someone, you start at the beginning 'I felt something move in my stomach, thought I had wind... And so on...' It might come more naturally this way than just blurting out 'I'm pregnant!'

Wishing you well .

I have been following this thread since the very beginning @Ohshitx and I can only imagine the thought processes that must be buzzing around your head right now. This is a huge life changing surprise to get your head around.

I can't pretend to know exactly what you're going through however I fell pregnant very early on into a relationship. We both have children from previous marriages and this certainly threw a spanner in the works. The 'what ifs' and the unknowns. Our emotions were all over the place and even though it seemed there were options, I knew in my heart of hearts that the only option for me personally was to have our baby.

Fast forward to today and she is now 6 months old and we could absolutely not imagine our lives without her. Our other children dote on her and have proved to be amazing little helpers.

I'm not sure I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason but life sure does work in mysterious ways. We seem to have a built in resilience that helps us through tougher times in life.

I wish I knew you were fairly local to me as I have a ton of baby things I would so happily give to you. Everything you could possibly need for the first few months.

Take care of yourself and know that everything you're feeling and thinking right now is perfectly normal. X

I really like CaptainMyCaptains advice!

OP lovely, ring your Mum. Ask her to go for a walk with you and just tell her. You’re building it up so much, you’ll feel better once it’s out.

If you keep putting it off all you’re going to do it work yourself up into a state, and it’s not something you can put off forever, or even for that long really.

Good luck x

I think you really need some real life support now op. This is a massive head fuck and you need help in dealing with it from real life people. Hope you’re ok

I've read the first thread, OP what a shock for you.

Remember in a few years' time, you will look back and shake your head at this crazy few weeks, while playing with your little one that you can't imagine life without!

You're not telling people bad news, just surprising and good news.

If it is easier you could always write to/text people and ask them to call you when theyve digested it somewhat. I know this isnt the conventional way to break the news, but you are still in shock yourself and dont owe anyone a face to face conversation at the moment if the thought of it is too stressful.

Good luck

Oh @Ohshitx, I get it. I was single from pregnancy, and I had to do a big deep breath before I said the words out loud every single time. How old is your DS? Time works differently for kids, so try not to worry about that too much - his world will be different, but also full of love. You are a good mother, he will be a good brother.

I told my sons dad over email - I said I needed to tell him something but that I knew I wouldn’t be able to get the words out in an eloquent way and I didn’t want to cock it up or put him on the spot for his reaction.

Lastly, I found practising saying it to strangers weirdly easier. I was so scared of judgement, I would shove it out there into the conversation quite early on. My mum actually commented on this once and said I didn’t need to tell people I was going to be a single parent when I was still pregnant. I explained that if I was the one to say it, it disempowered people whispering about it.

I don’t know if I’m on the wrong track, but I am thinking of you and wishing you strength. Take your time, make a plan, do what is best for you

You may have answered this already but have you an IRL friend you can confide in?
I'm not surprised you are nervous, hope you are okay x

Take your time processing, this is your story. You possible have 9 weeks left so you are going to need practical support.
Who do you want to tell and in what order - FWB, DM, BF, DS.
Your son is going to be fine. He will have a sibling, he will become a big brother - think how exciting it will be for him. Involve him, let him help with choosing the name.
This is exciting, you sound level headed and a wonderful mum.
Once you offload what is on your mind you will become lighter.
You can do this.

Best of luck and a huge congratulations.

Just read your latest post. It’s totally normal that you feel the way you do. You’ve had your world turned upside down with very little time to prepare. I’m sure your ds will be delighted, especially as he’s of the age he can help you. My son was 5 when my daughter came along. I worried loads but he accepted her straight awayand they’ve always been close. I made sure he was always involved in helping with her so he didn’t feel left out, and we used to do the odd date night just me and him.
If you can, I would tell your mum or someone close to you. You’ll probably feel better when you have told someone in real life. Good luck x

It sounds tough, and I'm sure all the pandemic weirdness is not making things easier. I certainly know the feeling of ignoring things and hoping they go away!

Don't worry about telling people in the 'right' order - you need support so maybe go for whoever you feel is going to be easier to tell, even if just a friend who's not that close. Can your gp offer more support?

If you can't get the words out, could you write it down and give it to someone. Or text to say "there's something I need to tell you about that I'm finding hard to say out loud, could you call me?"

Have a conversation in your head where someone tells you this news, how would you react if someone told you? I doubt you'd be critical, or heartless. You'd probably be shocked, as you were, eventually pleased when that person realised actually that you were looking forward to this and then I suspect someone would offer to help, and give practical advice on things you might not have thought about yet.

OP, I know you've had such a real shock- but you are a grown ass woman who I'm pretty sure your mother knows, and fwb definitely knows, has had sex.. thus pregnancy is a possibility. Sure.. the fact the baby is due imminently might be a surprise but let those around you know so that they can rally around to get ready on a practical front so that you can take some time to get emotionally ready. You're alone and only in your own thoughts right now and this baby is coming soon.. you need others around you now. Your son too.

You can and will do this OP. But you have to find the words. I think a letter would be better. Fwb definitely deserves to know asap.

Someone suggested writing it down and then giving the paper to those you want to tell. I think it's a fantastic idea, maybe you could include your scan picture?

Have you had your scan yet? Do you know how far along you are yet?

Ramble away, we're here holding your hand 🤝

Read both threads and I think the way you're dealing with it is amazing. Telling everyone today or in 4 days time really won't matter, the important thing is you do it relatively soon. Have you had your scan?

Tell your Mum, there's nothing that can't be made better by telling your Mum, she loves you unconditionally and while being a bit surprised at first, I'm sure she'll be with you every step of the way. Share the load, she'll be on your side

I hope you manage to tell someone. Might help to relieve some stress?

I think you'll feel better after you've shared your happy news. And it is happy news ... present it that way to your loved ones ... a huge surprise, but happy news.

I was really shocked about my pregnancy OP and I found finding out the sex helped me a great deal in connecting to the baby.

Perhaps something you would consider too?