Oh fuck I feel physically sick - Ruined myself

[LittlePeepoToy]

Traumatic event happened nearly 3 years ago I will admit I’ve used comfort eating in the evening.
I was just over 11 stone then. Obviously I’ve known I’ve been gaining weight I’ve gone up numerous dress sizes just weighed myself first time since Xmas I thought I was still around 15 stone...I’m 17 stone.
It is absolutely disgusting how is it possible to be so fucking fat. I’m mortified. WTf how am I going to do this? I’m still in counselling for the trauma as it is.

Exercise. It will improve your mental health too. When you start exercising you naturally will start to change your eating habits anyway.

Try and be kinder to yourself in how you frame this.

You are surviving after trauma.
That is hard.

There are worse coping mechanisms.

Your body is doing so many things really well.

Do you want to lose weight? There are some topics on here with support.

I had dodgy scales and thought I weighed 3 stone less than I actually did.
It's taking me longer than it used to, losing weight.

But I think it helps not to give yourself a hard time about it.

One thing at a time! Trauma - and congratulations for getting help - can take time to come to terms with. Are you happy with your counsellor?

Weight - well that just something you can actively do something about - but it’s not overnight. What’s your goal - a set weight or dress size? Try something like MyFitnessPal to track your intake and activity - you can set your target weight there too. It can really motivate you once you get going.

Lockdown isn’t brilliant for exercising - but have you tried the Joe Wix type exercises on tv? I see so many people in the park doing yoga and exercises watching their phones so I know there must be loads to choose from.

Have you anyone that is also looking to lose weight or get fit? An exercise buddy is good for motivation.

Cancer research U.K. and why BHF have exercise plans on their sites - so 0-5k or 0- half marathon with stretches and workout plans you can print out. These are good as they take it slowly - you can’t try to go for bust on day one.

Don't panic. It is what it is. It can be sorted. As PP has said exercise can help and make you feel better. You don't need to be running 5k, just walking will get you started. Eat more balanced meals and if you need to snack, choose something healthier like fruit or nuts. Make sure you drink lots. It will be a slow process so don't expect too much too soon. If you have a stumble along the way it doesn't matter. That shows you're human.
Be kind to yourself!

Be kind to yourself, you are not ruined. If you feel ready to, trying to take a bit of control back over your eating and exercise is quite good for your mental health. You don’t need to lose the weight immediately, don’t let it overwhelm you, take your time.
Perhaps your counselling could help break the link between overeating and the traumatic event. I know some people hate the thought of them, but I find weight loss groups a supportive way to lose weight.

I usually start any project with a lovely spreadsheet. I know it’s sad but I’m a stats nerd and need charts and diagrams!

What gets you motivated?

Please stop with the negative language. No sustainable weight loss ever came from a place of self-hatred.

True that.

Remember yourself at your ideal weight. Think about what you will be able to do when you are back there at that weight - run for the bus, fit into your favourite jeans etc. You’ve been there and you can again.

You aren’t giving anything up by dieting - you are giving yourself back your health, figure, self confidence..

You will have good days and bad - that’s normal - but the bad days will become fewer as you find find the weight drop.

Look online for any diets or healthy eating plans. Think about what you are eating and be firm - you you can have a snack, but something healthy! Have an apple rather than a Kitkat. Ditch full fat milk and cheese - you know the drill!

Take back control. Hold your head up - think about your strength not any weakness. You got through your trauma - it’s a long process - but you are working through it. The weight is a doddle after that. Congratulate yourself and look at how fat you have come over these last years. Tell yourself that you are proud of yourself for coming this far but now you also need to look after the physical you.

(Can you tell I was a therapist?) DM me of you want any ideas...

I think Pete Walker even says that in his book about CPTSD, that when you are triggered or disregulated, not to feel that you're right back where you're started. You're not. You're just on that circuitous route towards healing.

Richard Grannon who is also a big aficionado of Pete Walker has some great clips on youtube about how to shrink your inner critic.

I got up to 16 stone and decided enough was enough. I joined Weight Watchers in March and have lost over a stone. Classes are suspended atm but have the app on my phone and can track my meals. Slow and steady is fine for me.

OP, I had a miscarriage and made it to the same weight from comfort eating.
Am now back under 11st.
You can do this.
You are not ruined.
Deep breaths.

My best ally was a book by Georgie Fear called Lean Habits, but she has just released a new title that looks great.

I really know how you’re feeling about yourself, sending you love.
You are worthy of love, and you will get back to the ‘you’ you recognise, I promise.

Darling, you haven't ruined yourself. This is fixable.

You are going to be OK.

First thing to do is keep a food diary for a week - be really, really honest. Once you have it written down, you can start to see where to make 'savings' in calories. Slow and steady wins the race - small changes to start with.

My Fitness Pal is good for calorie counting - don't set yourself a goal to start with, just count. And try and do a wee bit of exercise every day - going for a 30 minute walk is a great start.

You can do this.

It is really common to gain weight after trauma. How do you change? You start by being kind to yourself. You are not your weight and it is possible to get it off. I swear by the Whole 30 - it massively reset my eating habits and taught me to feel full again after years of eating badly. Walking is a really good thing to do both for your weight and for managing mental health issues. Just make small changes, that's all you can do.

I also like Pete Walker. And I'm doing a mindfulness course and finding it beneficial.

OP you need to stop with the negative 'I am disgusting' self-talk, try and take the emotion out of it, and approach this as a practical problem. The weight didn't go on overnight and it won't come off overnight. Do everything you can to make it easy for yourself to make good food choices and inconvenient for you to make bad ones. Stop buying comfort food, try doing things in the evenings which keep your hands busy (I knit). Plenty of exercise even if it's just brisk walking - it will lift your mood and burn a few calories.

Look at yourself as someone else. What would you say if you saw her, realised what she'd been through, heard how she feels right now? Be the friend you need. Hurting yourself won't stop the overeating.

I second 'Don't panic'. Don't forget that just because you've seen a number on the scales, nothing at all has changed in any sense, since the moment before you weighed yourself. And all that's happened since then is that you've started beating the crap out of yourself, mentally. That's a trauma symptom.

The weight gain was also a trauma symptom, if I've understood you correctly?

Do you really want to traumatise yourself for having psychological symptoms of trauma?

If you want to lose weight, start. It's not in any way insurmountable. Just do a bit tomorrow (smaller portions, cut out a snack, go for a walk, manageable stuff), and allow yourself to feel you've started the process of recovery.

I think that recognising where you're at is a big step. I advise people on debt, and opening all the post they've been shoving in a drawer for years is TERRIFYING for them. But, it's how they get to the bit where they work out a solution. It's a forward step. You are stepping forward, too.

It is absolutely disgusting how is it possible to be so fucking fat.

I do understand that if you've been thin it's a bit of a shock but honestly loads of us manage perfectly well being 17 stone and over. Yes in an ideal world we wouldn't be, and yes we should do something about it. But honestly - it's not the end of the world.

Op I had a similar panic when I hit 16 and a half. No trauma in my case just laziness and poor habits. I lost loads but have over the last few years put quite a bit back on and I want to get back in control.
The first step is to be kind to yourself but get the healthy eating and exercise bug - I'm struggling with it at the moment.

I've been doing Action for Happiness 10 day nice emails - taday's was about being kind to yourself. If a really good friend told you what you wrote on here, how would you respond? What would you say to her? I absolutely bet you'd be supportive and kind. Now turn those things back on yourself. We all need to give ourselves a break and treat ourselves with the kindness we show others.

I too am not happy that I put on the weight I lost - no traumatic event for me - and have over the past 14 days been cutting carbs. I had a serious talk with myself when the negativity set in - but I'm doing something. No quick fix.

Please, be kind to yourself. I'm trying (and gradually succeeding in having this as my new mantra instead of get a bloody grip. x

Same weight as me at beginning of year. Now 1.5 stone lighter. Bought a FitBit versa and worked up to now completing 10k steps a day and burn 2500 calories a day. I do the 5:2 diet (many threads on here about it) and I find that the easiest - just two days a week of being very strict and 7 days of being careful. I've stopped buying any 'treats' for the whole household. My kids are old enough to buy their own treats, but I don't want them around and visible. Take it 1lb at a time. You CAN do this, but don't look at the whole heap of weight you need to lose - smaller goals are more doable. DM me if you want to chat further.

The other thing, and this is really important is that it isn't all or nothing. Losing half a stone with help your health and you will notice the difference in your body too. And hopefully it'll also spur you on. You might have a long term weight goal but you will notice the benefit much much sooner.

Try to bear in mind that your weight can come down. this is not an irreversible problem. The trauma is obviously acute and weight has been your protection against it. As you get help for it, you might end up in a better frame of mind to lose the wieght.

In the mean time, practise intensive self care. You can eat what you like but you must eat 5-10 fruit and veg a day, drink 2 litres water a day, get an hour of fresh air, take a daily walk or exercise, shower or bathe daily, wear clean clothes, listen to upbeat music, watch humorous TV shows you love, speak to people who support you every day, use meditation/self hypnosis/prayer/visualisation/affirmations/journalling or any other self-led therapeutic practise.

Same weight as me at the beginning of the year - ish, I was 16 stone.

Now 3.5 stone lighter and I didn't even have an excuse for it. Just greed.

Absolutely agree that the starting point is being kind to yourself. See healthy eating as little acts of self care. I also tend to comfort eat (and drink) but I have to switch my mindset from thinking I’m being kind to myself by having a bag of crisps and/or a bottle of wine to thinking I’m being kind by making a salad.
I find going to bed earlier helps with the evening munchies. It keeps me out of the kitchen.
Weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise.
Weight watchers is very good and can be done online, but any way you can find to reduce your calories will have an effect.
Sending you love. You’ve been through a lot, but you can turn this around.