Oh fuck I feel physically sick - Ruined myself

[LittlePeepoToy]

Traumatic event happened nearly 3 years ago I will admit I’ve used comfort eating in the evening.
I was just over 11 stone then. Obviously I’ve known I’ve been gaining weight I’ve gone up numerous dress sizes just weighed myself first time since Xmas I thought I was still around 15 stone...I’m 17 stone.
It is absolutely disgusting how is it possible to be so fucking fat. I’m mortified. WTf how am I going to do this? I’m still in counselling for the trauma as it is.

I did this too OP. 4 stone in under a year though, following a sudden bereavement.

Can I ask, is it purely comfort eating, or (like me) binge eating? I ask only because if it is, then focus first on normal eating, rather than dieting. I've managed to keep my weight stable for a couple of months now, and I'm going to keep this focus with some exercise for now. An actual diet can wait a wee while.

I promise you are not ruined. You wouldn't talk about a friend this way, so don't do it to yourself either! You will manage this, with time and patience. It's shit when you look in the mirror and you don't look like you, but you won't change it while you're being unkind to yourself.

OP, you are not disgusting. There is nothing disgusting about you. You are struggling to cope with trauma, so give yourself a break. Overeating is far from the worst habit you could have got into.

I hope you work successfully through the therapy and stop being hurt by the trauma. I also hope you reach a weight you feel happy with. But recovering from the trauma is the most important. Good luck xx

Echoing all of the good advice above, but just adding one thing. I am about to join you on the weight loss journey, without your very valid reasons for having put on weight. I hate the way that it just creeps on steadily, but takes so much longer to get off. However, I know that I need the 'Oh fuck' moment, before I take it seriously. We all have a different tolerance for how much weight we can carry and at what point we know we need to kick into action. Sounds as if you have hit yours now.

I shall be going for a walk in the morning, before it warms up too much. (And then starting a spreadsheet to log my walking, so that I do another one the next day.) Join me?

You aren't ruined.

I have been heavier than you are and over the years have lost weight and put it back on. I finally- at 40- seem to have it under my control. Over the last 7 years I have lost 6 1/2 stone to get to 10st 6. During that time I have had 3 babies and have kept being able to keep on track.

There is no magic wand, as you know, and you just need to do it and keep doing it. If you have a slip, get back on it. Don't beat yourself up. Walk- lots of it, if you can walk somewhere walk rather than drive or get a bus/train. What has really helped me along with the walking is a Fitbit- I just use it to track calories in and out, exercise and set goals. I've found it really worth what it cost. I have learned things about my habits from it . I don't set big goals- half a stone at a time.When I reach it I treat myself to something small- not food.
You can do this. It is completely under your control to do it. Start now, not tomorrow, now. Make a promise to yourself that you are going to look after yourself as your priority and do it.
I watch My 600lbs Life and it really helps me (Quest Red 8pm weekdays). I have Dr Now's little sayings in my head. The other day I was looking longingly at crisps in the local co-op and could hear my inner voice persuading myself that one packet wouldn't matter. Then I heard Dr Now say 'Why you eat so much?' and 'Your fat is your responsibilty, no one else's.' I didn't buy them .

You can definitely do this. Be kind to yourself and positive.

Be nice to yourself op, you haven't done anything wrong! Start slow, go for a walk every other day, try to think a bit more about what you're eating. Don't try to make drastic changes just do things slowly. You have plenty of time.

You can get into good habits again.

You've not ruined yourself, you've just put too much weight on. And that can be dealt with.

I use fat as a buffer between me and the real world and my mental health. I struggle massively to lose weight because it is my safe space. In my mind, despite the fact I know its utter bollocks, if I stay fat that is the reason why people don't fancy me, I can keep them from fancying me, its the reason why people don't like me etc etc.

It stops me addressing issues. I am working on this but it is really hard as it is such a guaranteed safety excuse. I had a trauma like you and was left with PTSD. Do you think this is why you may put on weight?

Just to add, I get up at 5am at the moment and go out for a walk leaving DC with DH. There is no one about, it is cooler then and really lovely. I often walk 6 or 7 miles. When I started I did half a mile and I was knackered. I look forward to the quiet and time to myself and I feel really good when I get home. It's a good way to start my healthy day and makes me less likely to cheat.

You are still you regardless of the number on the scales OP and it’s still the body you have always had,which has worked efficiently for you throughout your life.
Try to make some peace with your body if you can, it has helped you to survive through a terrible time and now it’s your turn to nurture it and be as healthy as you can.
You don’t need to lose all of the weight immediately so try not to panic about that, you can do it at your own pace , when you are ready.
Tell your self that this is the heaviest weight you are ever going to be, focus on not putting more weight on, eating as healthily as you can and being more active, even just walking as much as you can will help you to feel better.
Try not to be afraid of feeling hungry, it won’t harm you, and try not to feel afraid of the feelings that come to the surface when you are not eating. Counselling will help with this. I wish you all the best.

You have not ruined yourself. You are still alive and kicking!

I started running after finishing cancer treatment. Previous to that I had a bad back. I was not in particularly good shape. Watched this:

Tried it. Found out I actually could run. Never looked back. Got a FitBit and started logging food against exercise too.

3 years later I am no longer overweight. Went from a BMI of 27.2 to a BMI of 21. The weight drops off quicker when you are heavier too.

My motto when I started was ''Something is better than nothing'. So no matter how hopeless you feel your situation is just do something which goes towards tackling it.

I now run over 6 miles everyday. And love it! Something I could never have imagined a few years ago.

I’m in a similar boat. Gained weight through trauma and I’m my worst critic. So I feel horrendous. And I realise I’m not kind to myself. Slow and steady changes. It’s about rewiring your brain and how you think about food.

If it helps, I'm going through similar to you - I have binge eating disorder and relapsed badly (probably through boredom and anxiety) and I'm now the biggest I've ever been at 145kg!! I have started doing the couch to 5k plan recently and I'm finding it really helpful for my mental and physical health and for my self confidence.

This is a good inspirational story's:

Cried when I first watched it.

Hi! I did the same thing after my breakup 2 years ago. Hit the wine and chocolate spread with a spoon soooo many evenings! Search for photos before and after weightloss. They are really inspiring!

Once I got a fitbit it made me want to reach my steps goal. It really motivates you and encourages you to keep going, you earn badges for so many steps in a day, so many floors etc. It makes it fun!

Pinch of nom recipe books too. Just new things to try. It's GOT to be fun and motivating or you won't stick to it. Yeah the actual workouts are tough at times but you will want to keep going by instinct.

Good luck! x

Tried it. Found out I actually could run. Never looked back. Got a FitBit and started logging food against exercise too.

See this I don't get! I have a good fitness level, I'm 8st now and have a great diet and exercise routine... but I CANNOT run outside. I go about 2 minutes and I am dying. I can do it on a treadmill, I can do it up and down the stairs 50 times without stopping! But running outside down a road kills me. God knows why!

You have not ruined yourself. You can come back from both those things...the weight gain and the trauma. This is not the end, only the beginning!

Stray that's what I thought until I payed attention to technique and just started doing it. Short slow runs to start with.

I CAN'T RUN!!

However, I can have my own kitchen disco every time I put the kettle on/load the dishwasher. I play tracks I love and dance to them. You'd be amazed how my steps and mood have improved!!

My faves: Blondie, ELO, Olly Murs - all because they are a good pace to move a bit too.

Also there's a mad You Tube walk a mile in 15 mins exercise thing. I don't do it all at once of I'm at my computer - just every hour or so for 5 mins.

Baby steps.

Oh you poor thing.

Weight is not a big deal, what matters is that you are happy in yourself.

I've been too thin when weight fell off me after pregnancy and I hated looking so skinny and scrawny - I would have loved to put the pounds on but couldn't. So being thin doesn't magically make you happy - try to make peace with and love the body you have, fat or thin.

Honestly, while you may feel your weight is a problem, it almost certainly isn't - the problem is the trauma you went through and are understandably still affected by, not the weight. Numbers on a scale or the size of clothes you take don't matter.

I hope you are getting some help with the trauma.

But yes, road running is harder. It's the surface. Your muscles have to work to stabilise you more. It's a good thing, though. You get stronger.

But if there is another exercise you prefer, go for it! As a said, 'Something is better than nothing!'.

OP, I'm about your weight, and I've lost a stone in lockdown. I've been using the Noom app, and it has tips and tricks to help with things like comfort eating (something I'm guilty of).

I'm not doing any set exercises yet, just miles of walking. and in this heat, I'm eating plenty of veg, salad and fruit, which is also helping.

Yes, it's a long way to go, but I set mini goals to do it in steps.

Thank you all 💐 you’ve all been very kind.
I’m sorry if I upset anyone I wasn’t called bigger people disgusting I feel disgusting at this weight because I know gorged myself on junk and this is the result.
I should have said yes I do have ptsd from the event. I’m having cbt for it started it last Dec some improvements have been made it’s all tangled together though.

Great advice here on this thread, OP! I am on a mission to lose 3 stone. The three things which have helped me feel positive in my journey:
1.MyFitnessPal- logging everything really motivates you and helps make the new habits your regular habits

1. When you feel hungry, and want a snack ask yourself. Do I need to eat that between a meal? Am I that hungry? If not, I neck a glass of water. If I'm still hungry, I eat a banana. Saves wasting calories on frivolous snacking. It helped me appreciate a biscuit with my cuppa at night way more as I wasn't mindlessly snacking through out the day
2. Set realistic goals. 1 month to lose a whole stone is just leaving you open for a bingey relapse. My current goal is: get into my fav dress by September (birthday month). It's a far away goal but wholly realistic. Maybe you could say: I want to buy a pair of size whatever posh PJs for the winter months and just go one size less than what you ar currently.

If you heed the advice given from PPs you will exceed the goal and feel dead smug. Long-term goals are key here.