Oh fuck I feel physically sick - Ruined myself

[LittlePeepoToy]

Traumatic event happened nearly 3 years ago I will admit I’ve used comfort eating in the evening.
I was just over 11 stone then. Obviously I’ve known I’ve been gaining weight I’ve gone up numerous dress sizes just weighed myself first time since Xmas I thought I was still around 15 stone...I’m 17 stone.
It is absolutely disgusting how is it possible to be so fucking fat. I’m mortified. WTf how am I going to do this? I’m still in counselling for the trauma as it is.

I was 503lbs (approx 36 stone) at my highest. I had gastric bypass then used diet and exercise to get down to 225 (16 stone).... Then my mom died and my emotional eating took over. It's been 5 years and I'm back up to 380 (27 stone). I know I can do this... But during the past 5 years I struggled horribly with grief and depression. Both of those have turned for the better recently... So I'm hoping to get back on track. You can do this... But remember to focus on mental health as well.

I'm a comfort eater. I get some bad news, difficult work situation, whatever, I start to feel hungry. My current craving is marshmallows. Goodness knows how I'd deal with a serious trauma.

I've always been physically active, but when I started really getting serious about getting fit, the trainer at the gym said "You can't out train a bad diet."

I use my FitBit app to track my food - when I started doing this, I weighed everything, and read labels.

I started being accountable to myself - and I started to look at what I ate and whether the 800 calories of one bag of sweets was worth being half of what I ate that day. When I could eat a LOT more of, say, a 3 egg omelette with loads of tomatoes, spinach & cheese.

That really helped me to track my feelings in relation to my hunger cravings -

I now recognise the triggers - I don't beat myself up: I just notice the cravings, and then I eat!

BUt I eat something nurturing - even a chunk of cheese is better than grabbing a bag of marshmallows!

But I don't beat myself up - I recognise the craving for what it is, and track it back to the difficult email, or the bad news or whatever. And I check whether I've done some proper exercise that day - yoga or running or something, for about an hour.

Good luck OP

It probably more like binge eating in a while I have a very light lunch normal houmous and ryvitas, lots of coffees, then in the evening crisps, biscuits, takeaways, burgers etc.
I don’t even resemble myself anymore. This is like physical self harm I suppose- I comfort myself with food even though I know it’s makong me so unhealthy causing more sadness.

Don't stress it - 15 st and 17 st are both fat. You even know what you're doing wrong are you bored in the evening or stressed or drinking too much or smoking weed?

You need to have a bigger lunch too.

Just don't buy crisps/biscuits/takeaways and that combined with a larger lunch will hopefully make it easier to take control.

Oh and try something else for comfort. T v programs, YouTube videos, books, a bath. Anything you can think of that you enjoy apart from food.

Drinking fizzy pop or beer in evenings so will need to cut that out. Normally I’m snacking all evening and then eat big meal at 9pm 10pm
Just super unhealthy 😔

Reframe your thinking. If you heard comfort cutting or comfort drinking or comfort heroin smoking it doesn't have the same effect.

Comfort eating is heard by the emotional self as a positive because of the word comfort but actually if you reframe it as what it is a negative you can file it in the same category as other negative coping mechanisms that you would normally avoid like the plague because you automatically associate the danger of them like cutting or alcohol or drugs etc. The slight difficulty for most people is food isn't automatically seen as dangerous so it doesn't have the same immediate impact as for example someone hearing that a person regularly cuts their arms with a razor to bring comfort and emotional relief from a traumatic experience.

When someone experiences trauma they quite often use strategies that bring short term relief but that actually punish or damage themselves and eating is one of the various options that are common but actually it is a form of (in most instances unconscious) self harm.

Self harm is an unhealthy coping mechanism that someone participates in because it brings them emotional comfort or escape and do not think of the long term consequences of.

Once you really see the thing you are doing to make yourself feel better as a damaging thing (if it is) then it can take the comfort or the goodness out of it and that can break the cycle because it can give you back some clarity and control.

Don't beat yourself up, you can get back from this.

Fizzy water with Jiff type lemon juice is a good substitute. But seriously find a series to binge watch, or some unputdownable books or gaming if that's your thing,

"gorged" " disgusting " " trauma"......there we have it.

Take this to your therapist.

I think it is a form of self harm, as are a lot of eating disorders.
You maybe need to think of other things that can soothe you rather than over eating, more constructive things, like an activity, hobby,some form of relaxation ; even if it just delays or reduces the over eating a bit, that’s a move in the right direction.
The thing is the overeating has become a convenient habit, and an addictive one which you will need to try to wean yourself off from.
Maybe treat it how some alcoholics address their drinking, by cutting down gradually over a period of time until you reach a healthier level of eating.
But please don’t feel disgusted with yourself, you have been through a tough time and are doing your very best.

Aw, OP.

I've decided I have to lose weight. I'm about the same as you. I've got a fitbit - thought it was a lot of money - now loving how it prompts me to just walk a bit more. I can make sure that I'm eating less than the calories expended quite easily.

Take good care of yourself. Healing can take a good long time. But great that you're taking steps towards that. Looking after yourself and getting healthier, fitter and happier with your body are also part of that recovery. Be gentle with yourself.

Are you tired in the evening? I think that's often why I end up eating - instead of going to bed! A bit of a dysfunctional habit.

Try the old adage:

Breakfast like a king

Lunch like a rich man

Supper/dinner like a pauper

Are you eating a proper breakfast that is mostly protein? Eggs, or cheese, yoghurt (Fage greek yoghurt 0% fat with a teaspoon of honey is a-may-zing), or chicken?

I don’t eat anything really before lunch just drink coffee. Then eat ryvitas or have cuppa soup and crisps. Then nothing but tea and coffee. Once kids are in bed I start grazing on biscuits, crisps, nuts then a big meal.
The food I’m eating isn’t what I would even choose to I love salads and veggies, cooking curry from scratch etc but it’s all burgers and chips, chicken but fried covered in mayo now. I can’t face Chopping and cooking at night. Think I’ll have to start eating with the kids at 5pm.

Bring dinner forward? Prep bit by bit during the day. Fat isn't bad either. Have the mayo if you want but limit it to a couple of tsp.

I’ve got the same low point last weekend and have lost 3lbs this week through having an eating window (16:8), drinking more water and walking 10000 steps a day. The 16:8 means eating nice mix of things and non of the late evening crap

I started having brunch and then tea with the kids. After I brush my teeth

Agree with pp, if you ate more earlier, maybe you wouldn't get to the point where your blood sugar's so low you want to eat loads later on? Have you tried having breakfast and more substantial lunch?

You can do this op don't look at it as in you need to get back to 11 stones, just take it one stone at a time. I have been there, realising suddenly that I was very overweight and it shocked me to the core. My advice would be start exercising, walking is what I did, not strolling though, walking briskly so that you raise your heartbeat. Eat less, don't starve yourself, just think of one indulgence that you can live without and cut that out to start with. When you exercise you will feel healthier quite quickly and you will want to eat better. Try not to eat after about 5-6pm, and if you do, make it light. Cut out sugar from your tea and coffee if you can and use skimmed milk. I also swapped bread for Danish bread because its literally half the calories.

LittlePeepoToy
Check out Trisha Lewis on Instagram- Trisha's transformation
She has been very inspirational to many. She was 27 stone and at rock bottom.

Swap to gin and slimline tonic

Yes and download the app happy scale

Hey OP, it’s ok. Lots of us have been there or are emerging or have been there in the past and are on the other side.
It’s so hard to bring this thinking around to a positive. Where you want to be feels far away... too far but it’s there in you still.
My DH doesn’t have very long to live-maybe 10 years from now if he’s lucky and we’re early 40s. I’ve been on anti depressants for a while now and the weight has piled on! I have 3 stone to lose.
Every veg I eat, every bit of choc or whatever I put back down, every run I do is just a little step on that good road back to myself.
We can do this!

In March 2019 I weighed 17st 4 and wore a size 22, having been 12st just a year earlier. Binge eating, being unhappy at work, feeling stressed and helpless just all piled on top of me. I'm currently 14st (size 16) and just chipping away at it bit by bit.

It's not easy but it can be done. Don't try to change everything all at once and don't make promises to yourself that you can't keep. Just take it day by day and the changes will come.

Walk. Walking is amazing, you see so much. Put your headphones on and walk, keep your eyes open and look at things as you go. Time flies.