Oh fuck I feel physically sick - Ruined myself

[LittlePeepoToy]

Traumatic event happened nearly 3 years ago I will admit I’ve used comfort eating in the evening.
I was just over 11 stone then. Obviously I’ve known I’ve been gaining weight I’ve gone up numerous dress sizes just weighed myself first time since Xmas I thought I was still around 15 stone...I’m 17 stone.
It is absolutely disgusting how is it possible to be so fucking fat. I’m mortified. WTf how am I going to do this? I’m still in counselling for the trauma as it is.

I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time, op. I bought a fold up excerise bike from amazon for about £70. Its fab. I love it, I can rest my ipad on it and watch Netflix or watch tv. I'm currently sat on it now. I can cycle for an hour or two. Download the my fitness pal app. Type in your height age and weigh, and it will tell you how many daily calories you should stick to. This has been so useful to me , as I log in everything I eat, so know when to stop. I've also combined this with the 5:2 diet, which is a fast for 2 days a week. There's a really good, supportive thread for the 5:2 diet on here. You can do this, it's not impossible. The excerise alone will make you feel great. I wish you all the very best.

Be kind to yourself, and maybe try to do a good long walk every day, if you have some green areas near you. Very good for the mind and body. And perhaps swap out all your drinks for water. Just those two things might help a huge amount.

I have built some careful treats into my eating, so I have something I look forwards to more than the mindless eating of before. I especially like a mojito cocktail now and again, so I save some calories for this once a week.

I do find that with the junk food, it's easy, as there's nothing much to prepare and I can just bung it in the oven.

But while I'm furloughed, I'm taking time to get into the habit of prepping food. I've found that prepping in the morning, when I have most energy, is really helping.

Kindness to yourself is the most important thing here, you're recovering from trauma, you need to give yourself time to move into the emotional space that's hopefully being freed up by trauma starting to retreat. Don't look for self-loathing to take its place your poor bashed sense of self doesn't deserve it.
Kindness to yourself also means asking yourself several times a day, what is the best thing I can do for myself right now? It could be taking a walk, eating an apple or occupying yourself in a positive way that starts to break the grip of bad habits that aren't really being kind to you. I recommend Happy Food by Henrik Ennart, not a diet book per se but a book about how the food we eat affects our mood and outlook.
All the very best to you

It sounds weird, but my advice is not to let yourself get too hungry. I find if I have a healthy nutrient- rich snack eg a cube of cheese or half an avocado or a boiled egg then it stops the binge “I’m so hungry I have to eat all of this cake” feeling.

I eat breakfast early is 7am or so - and then often have lunch between 11:30 and 12. And because I exercise most evenings for a couple of hours (run or yoga) supper is usually very light - and sometimes just water or herbal tea. So I eat a lot more in the mornings and not as much in the evenings.

• There are counselling programmes specifically for emotional eating and other forms of eating disorder. I am not a HCP but your eating patterns seem in line with binge eating rather than emotional eating. Get a fitness tracker (doesn't have to be a pricey one) and aim to put 10,000 steps on it every day. Start with 1,000, then after a few days 2,000, etc. Do this before you even think about starting running* because when you run, the force on your ankle and knee joints is eight times your body weight and you risk injury if you start running without building leg strength first. If you have access to a bicycle, you can start cycling straight away because it doesn't put sudden forces on your joints, but make sure that you set the bike up properly with the saddle the correct height.

Reframe your thinking. If you heard comfort cutting or comfort drinking or comfort heroin smoking it doesn't have the same effect.

Comfort eating is heard by the emotional self as a positive because of the word comfort but actually if you reframe it as what it is a negative

I've never heard that before and it's brillliant. "Self-harm eating" is what it should be called. Food is a really hard one to deal with because we need to eat to live, making overeating different from any other mode of self-harm.

please look into EMDR for therapy too. it's good you've recognised this.

Sorry you've been through such a difficult time.

You could see if your GP will prescribe you Orlistat- it's evidence based and some people find it helpful. You can buy it in Boots, where it's called Alli, but is at a weaker dose.

Some people find it can effect their mood, so keep an eye on that.

Best wishes xxx

Oh and @Di11y is absolutely right. EMDR is excellent.

EMDR is something I’ve looked into. My therapist has also said it might help too so think I will try to get it if not through nhs then privately.

Do the kids have to eat at 5? A family tea at 6pm might work better, then you can make something healthy for all of you.
You don’t have to quit the pop, just switch to diet lemonade, Pepsi max etc. And if you can be in bed by 9 or 10pm when you would normally get a takeaway in, it’ll remove the temptation - especially if you’ve already had a proper meal. Even if you are reading, or watching TV, you won’t feel like eating if you’re in bed.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
My journey began this morning.

Hopefully my will begin today too.
I’m a bit teary as I weighed even more this morning. But been on a walk before work for about 40 minutes and it was quite nice 👍 think the exercise bit will be easier than the food part but thinking I’ve got to get back to breakfast, lunch and dinner set times so will try And go shopping for cereal later.

This thread has been on my mind since I read it yesterday, I’m exactly the same weight as you OP and I’m desperately trying to get down to 11st again, I too started yesterday, I know how you feel I feel horrible all the time, embarrassed when I see people that I know, my weight gain was due to medication that I stopped almost a year ago now and I somehow expected myself to bounce back to my original weight with no work, that hasn’t happened obviously lol but now I need to do it, I can’t go on miserable, and hiding away from people.

Wobbly I have been actively avoided seeing people too - my friends keep asking me to do video calls with and I’ve even refused those 😢 hopefully we can both lose a little before lockdown ends. Ideally I want to be 11stone something again but anything less than 14.5 and I look more like myself facially so that’s my first aim.
I do honestly feel better for having that walk today - could you face a walk today? X

Little, it’s hard isn’t it, I’d be the same with the video calls luckily no one has tried to video call me , yes I agree with the 14st mark I’m 5ft 9 and I definitely think around that weight i would feel much happier too, Im pleased you feel better having had a walk I will probably go out a bit later for one as your right it definitely makes a difference to the way you feel, I also stocked up on salad yesterday so I’m going to have that for lunches and with dinners, we will get there in the end. I would definitely love to lose some Weight like you say before lockdown ends and we have to face the world again, it’s definitely a little motivation for me