Shielding chat continues - thread 2

[AuntieSocia1]

Shiny new thread for anyone shielding.

You can vent/moan/cry/chat/lurk whatever you need.

@Idroppedthescrewinthetuna, that’s a difficult situation you’re in. I don’t envy you. But I don’t think you’re wrong to have huge reservations about your DD seeing her father at present. In your shoes I’d say no too.

I definitely would not be sending your dd to her dads.

Her relationship used to be good. It isn't so much now. He is very selfish with his opinions. He doesn't really respect her when she says 'I don't want to talk about conspiracy stuff because I don't agree with it' He doesn't listen and will just go on.
He loves her, I give no doubt in that but he isn't great in showing it.

Am example of what he is like. This was today. He was admitted to hospital on Monday. He isn't compliant with his dialysis. He will miss sessions. He will miss 2-3 in a row. He is now in hospital due to underdialysing. He hasn't got phone on him. Today DD asked me to call ward to see how he is. He spoke with me on phone and asked me to bring DD to hospital. I said we are not allowed to visit. He said to get bus and socially distance outside. I told him we do not have masks yet, so bus is out of question right now and that I am not going to let her stand in the pouring rain just so you can see her. (He has had plenty if opportunity to drive to my home to see her at distance and chat but he refused because Covid does not exist)
He then started to get moody so I said 'Look, lets not do this DD is ready to speak to you'
He replied 'well I am not' and hung up. Poor DD was gutted but not surprised. This is who he is. Selfish. DD will be speaking to counsellor tmorrow about this.

Dd doesn't want to see him right now due to covid and feels we should all stay shielded and she knows she can see her dad after. She doesn't like it but feels the risks to her dad and her step dad are not worth it. She has kept up relationship bu phone (when he answers)

She could socially distance herself when at his, when he is out of hospital. She would be able to cope. She knows he would put so much pressure on her though that she would have to give in. He will put his conspiracy theory's on her and it would actually wreck her evening with him.
She loves her dad, but he is no good for her. She knows it. That, again is a totally separate issue. But it is almost merging into one as his behaviour through lockdown has been shocking. He is poorly. His transplant didn't work. DD worries that he isn't being careful so he could get covid and honestly he will probably die from it. As he is not compliant with dialysis he is seriously poorly.

It is all down to trust. I hate how he can upset DD, she is very mature for her age so I have always allowed her to make her own decision with her visiting him knowing his life will be cut short. But right now I don't trust him to keep her safe and so therefore keeping my household safe.
I'm so confused. I think I am possible just rambling on now. Sorry!

Hi @UnholyStramash and @finished31

I’m 16 years post transplant and my graft is great, lovely liver function. It’s a shame my kidneys are refusing to play along. Their function has dropped from 1 to 4 in less an a year for no obvious reason. They’re now changing my immunosuppressant meds to try and stop the toxicity to the kidneys. I don’t have a spleen either so I worry that although I’m only 40, work part time, very healthy, good BMI, I don’t look good on paper.

How about you @finished31 when did you have your transplant, if you don’t mind me asking?

That’s complicated @ Idroppedthescrewinthetuna all you can do is be guided by your DD. Someone going into hospital regularly but not wearing a mask does sound like a huge risk to a shielder.

@OrganTransplant123 I'm coming up to 4 years now. I do have a rare disease as well which causes liver failure.

16 years is impressive. God bless our donors x

Hi everyone, I've been awol as I've been so pissed off with the lack of info. I've been tweeting Mr HandJob etc in frustration. Never felt so let down

I hope everyone is holding up still

@Idroppedthescrewinthetuna I would have serious reservations about letting her go to her dad's if he can't keep her safe. I honestly think I would halt contact but it leaves you in an awful position

I emailed my 2DC secondary schools tutors last night to say thank you for everything they've done since lockdown as their school has been great and they've sent lovely replies back as they really appreciated it, which was nice to hear.

I've cheered myself up tonight by booking tickets for Green Day for us and kids next year.

I wonder if we should take bets on what tomorrow's briefing will focis on rather than us?

Hi @rugbymummy - yes, difficult times! Lack of news about shielding and vaccine makes it harder. I wonder if under 50’s shielding will get the vaccine This autumn if it is available alongside the over 50’s and those with heart and renal issues? Or whether if it is a different reason for shielding if we have to wait? If so, schools will struggle to staff classes if shielding continues.

@TheHobbitMum how lovely. To email and tickets!

@TheHobbitMum Idroppedthescrewinthetuna I would have serious reservations about letting her go to her dad's if he can't keep her safe. I honestly think I would halt contact but it leaves you in an awful position

I have serious reservations and have stopped it. Contact has been through phone only since lockdown. He is saying I am stupid. Today I have really started to doubt my decision.
This is not a decision that has been flippantly made. I spent since beginning of Feb thinking 'what would I do if'
I have had a wobble today. The decision has been awful. As bad as he is, she loves him. I have never been the mum to stop her from seeing him. Even when I think I should have I have never actually gone through with it due to his health and her love for him. Right now it is about the safety of DD and my household. I feel awful though. The guilt is awful. One day she may hate me, especially when he passes away cos she may see this period as lost time.

I am fed up of shielding. We decided to shield as a family so not to put DP at risk in his own home. It has had some lovely days but some really crappy days. This situation with DDs dad has consumed so much emotion for us all that it now dominates all of our emotions. DD is currently angry at her dad for hanging up the phone, angry that he is ince again in hospital due to non compliance and angry that he doesn't respect that I am doing everything I can to keep everybody safe. Dp, my younger DDs and I are all watching DD go through this. We are sad for her, angry for her and frustrated.
I asked her after I posted this if she wants me to say 'I will allow you to see your dad' she said 'not yet, Its not safe enough' So that helped.

Thank you for all your replies. They have helped me on a day I had lost all confidence in my decision.

Please don't doubt your decision, your are putting DC first which is what he should be doing! Her needs above all else :)

I forgot to say that we're shielding as a family too, we don't have the room to be so strict at home and I'm not prepared to say completely away from DH & DC. It's worked for us so far so we're happy with that

@Idroppedthescrewinthetuna lost confidence really resonated with me. I feel my confidence with so many thing is really suffering. I'm glad you are feeling a bit more at peace with your decision though.

I've had so many well meaning messages today along the lines of hooray shielding is over. I think the announcement that we can meet up with people really changes what shielding is like in their minds. Maybe I should be celebrating that we are one step closer to normality but NI talking about pausing shielding has really made me think.

I'm really full of cheer tonight aren't I. I'm sorry I try to be upbeat in real life so you lot get stuck with my real thoughts!

I will end on a cheerier slightly soppy note tonight. A few times it's been said this thread has been a safe place, it has been for me too. I feel really proud of how supportive everyone has been in such a difficult time.

I read this tonight and thought of you lovely people

As Maya Angelou once said, “Be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud.”

I feel like we all take turns in being the cloud or the rainbow. I'll go now before I'm forced to nc out of embarrassment!

@AuntieSocia1 that is a lovely sentiment. I will have to try and remember it. As for the "pausing" of shielding in NI in my earlier post I made my feelings pretty clear! Lol.

Do we think there’ll be any announcements for people shielding in England today?

I do dislike this tactic of leaking minimal information (the 31st July date) then refusing to answer any further questions on it or provide any further information for days.

I wonder if there is some disagreement going on about it between SAGE/the medics and the government.

I was deeply pissed off by the vaccine announcement, as younger shielders are not included

Now there might be medical reasons why it cannot be given to eg those with cancer or sever asthma early, but they should say that.

They also should emphatically not day it is being given to those at highest risk, when they include neither the shielded group nor the ‘flu jab’ group - ie those that every single announcement before yesterday put at higher/highest.

Otherwise healthy 50 year olds, on government announcement are currently ahead in the queue ahead of children living with cancer (commonest childhood cancer is leukaemia, which is an ‘always shield’ condition)

@egghead68 don't expect an announcement any time soon. I've heard rumours we will be updated on the 25th, talk about cutting it short to sort things out with employers!

@iVampire

There’s more to the vaccine list, I was gobsmacked when he said that, it would mean my none shielded in-laws got the vaccine before me. But there is a gov vaccine page that has a much more inclusive. I might have to try and learn how to add a photo as I can’t find the link 😳

This is it (don’t laugh if I cock this up, over 10 years on here, I’ve never added a photo)

Hopefully it has information that puts your mind at ease x

@TheHobbitMum my husband thinks they’ll be covering the very important subject of tennis today 😂. It’s so frustrating that Scotland have managed three updates, walks, extension and now garden meetings and non contact sport like golf. The way Nicola sturgeon talks to the shielded is fantastic, I’m not much of a political person outside of my own thoughts and had never taken to her but I have huge respect for how she’s handled the shielded. I watch her updates just to get a warm fuzzy feeling 😳😂

Much speculation on the Facebook shielded boards. I’ve decided to get drunk this afternoon and not give a fuck 😊

im so frustrated that theres been no update for those of us in England. At risk of sounding like a spoiled child, ITS NOT FAIR. Our lives are on hold and we dont even know how long for, surely they owe us at least some information, some kind of time frame instead of keeping us in the dark :(

Exactly I mean I would like to prepare for back to work and to be able to tell my (very patient!) boss... something

11days left. There is no way they’ll get personalised letters to us all in that time.
Just had an email from the Headteacher at my school saying she’ll ring me for a chat next week. Well, as I’m due back at work a week on Tuesday you would, wouldn’t you. No pressure then.
Can’t focus on anything with all this going on. Feel scared today.

I've just been reading another thread where a poster is due to have a routine op and has been asked to shield for 2 weeks prior to it. She doesn't want to - it will impact on her life too much even though she works from home and has a partner. What about the dog walk? What about shopping? I'm very pleased to see that most posters have jumped on her - saying how selfish it would be not to protect the NHS like this and why can't her partner walk the dog!

I really don' think most people consider what it's like for those shielding long term! On Monday I will not have left my house at all for 14 weeks and she's moaning at just 2!! Grrrr!

Hello fellow shielders I've been lurking for a while and have found it really helpful to hear that I'm not the only one feeling like I do! I've been shielding since 21st March and have to admit I don't hold out a lot of hope that these letters will make it to us before 30th June.
@rugbymummy I also work in a school and my headteacher has scheduled a return to work risk assessment call next week. Feeling very apprehensive about it