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Original poster

is anyone reaching the end of their rope with this? wfh with kids

88 replies

fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:00

hiya

I have 3 children at home aged 4-8 and am trying to work from home as a key worker in a seniorish 4 day a week job. DH is in the same position 5 days a week.

We seem to have got to the point where we cant deal with this situation any more. We both spend much of the day on calls and finding our calendars filling as the day progresses. and the kids are just gettting ignored. We dont achieve much schoolwork, we dont take them for exercise and we rarely leave the house.

It just feels that this situation is going to go on now until sept at the earliest and we cant do this that long.

Are others i the same position and can anyone help me feel like we can change it somehow?

OP posts:
PositiveLife · 27/05/2020 18:10

Yep. Single parent, hectic job (manager and developer), 2 kids. I'm not getting any time to really help the kids much. School reopening is just unworkable really for people who work (dd2 would be in different days alternate weeks, no wraparound care, queuing for Puck up during core hours).

SilverOtter · 27/05/2020 18:17

Yep. I'm going to go totally round the bend if things don't start to change! I'm losing the will to live😫

Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:18

yes exactly that. my work are grasping onto the idea of me being able to send the youngest to nursery 2 days a week without realising that it will require time for me to take and fetch and I will still have 2 to manage here as well.

I'm trying to book the rest of the week off as I feel like I need a break, but I am worried that i will not want to go back if I stop.

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Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:19

I normally love working.

OP posts:
porktangle · 27/05/2020 18:21

I would be using my key worker status for school places for all children if I were you. That buys you 7 weeks of next 14.

Imaystillbedrunk · 27/05/2020 18:24

I'm a key worker who can work from home. I kept the kids home with me and after 8 weeks I almost had a breakdown, as did the kids. Like you they were getting no time, not leaving the house, I was working longer and longer to compensate for the interruptions. They're back at the childminders. Not an option for everyone at the moment but I had to weigh up the risk of Covid Vs the reality of the mental health impact

Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:30

the school have made it patently clear they do not want them back.

I am a governor and that is another battle I am trying to fight, but it seems so grim to have to do this just because my work are being so unaccommodating. They keep talking about flexibility and being family friendly, but I cant see it.

I am also having contractual issues where they want me to log all the hours I work and are measuring value by numbers of meetings I attend, which really is the cherry on the cake.

OP posts:
SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 27/05/2020 18:34

If you want to send your children to school you should, you are perfectly entitled to? Sounds like you really need to push this with the school?

But yeah, totally agree with the working from home with young kids, its beyond exhausting

Dk20 · 27/05/2020 18:36

Yes, I was doing really well coping with everything here but I'm really struggling now.
I have ds (6 )with sen and ds 11 months old.
I think as time has gone on ds (6 ) has become bored and restless and it's making things really difficult.
Baby isnt too bad, except for this week as he is ill.
I'm working in finance and really need to be able to concentrate, I'm working 7 - 4.30ish, by 6pm I am so tired and then have to face ds school work.
I'm in Ireland so there'll be no school until september

babasaclover · 27/05/2020 18:37

Totally had enough 😭😭😭

helia · 27/05/2020 18:38

I know what you mean. There is no time to even take a walk. I hardly go out of the house during the week. I'm looking into taking unpaid parental leave but trying to hold on until the next lockdown review before making any decisions.

Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:42

Im wondering about unpaid parental to get through the summer holiday as I cant imagine there will be holiday clubs.

OP posts:
SoloMummy · 27/05/2020 18:46

What are your local rules for key workers? I know here if at home you can't use or if have a partner who's not a key worker.

I would suggest that maybe you request parental leave, given that both of you as parents can take 4 weeks for each child, that's 12 weeks each, plus annual leave allowances, you could take time off so that only one of you works at a time. Obviously it's unpaid. Or you could each try reducing days or condensing hours? So if oh did say 3.5 long days and you did 3 long days perhaps overlapping on only 1 of them so you'd still get 2 days "off" and together.

Or, the alternative is more labour intensive, but to set up activities and expectations of what the children should do during the working day? I do this for my child, but I only have 1.

Certainly I'd start work as early as you can, even if 5am,to get as much out of the way before things become more manic in the house. Perhaps with oh starting later in the day, so he manages the children until say lunchtime.

I'd also say making use as much as possible of the time outside of work is key. Be it walks, bike rides, picnics, even just gardening or playing with the children in the garden...

SoloMummy · 27/05/2020 18:47

Also, make sure you only work your set hours. This is absolutely key, unless you can use extra hours as flexi?

olivehater · 27/05/2020 18:51

The schools can’t really refuse them if they are accepting other key workers. Don’t let your governor role get in the way.Your role as a parent trumps your role as a governor and if you think that is what is best for your kids then do it.
I started putting it son in three weeks ago. Best thing I did.

Gulpingcoffee · 27/05/2020 18:53

It’s really hard and both DH and I have run out of energy. When I found out one kid’s nursery wasn’t reopening for another six weeks I almost cried - and my other kids school won’t take her year back for another few weeks. So we’ve hired a nanny we know to come in on an informal basis - few weeks - 8am-1pm. She’ll do their breakfast play and taken them out. I feel the kids are going to benefit massively instead of grumpy mum and dad trying to fit them in between bloody zoom calls.

RandomMess · 27/05/2020 18:55

I could understand if people ended up going off with stress, it's ridiculous.

My DC are much older so it's a case of shouting at them to get out of bed and nagging to do work but they are pretty self sufficient tbh.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/05/2020 19:05

Me too. I’m far too ill to work. I need major surgery. God knows when. Dd (11) is so incredibly argumentative atm. Dh is back at work. This one week half term holiday is killing me and this is only day 2. I cannot imagine how hard the summer holiday will be. I need to rest, not have my dd home all the while.

Burplecutter · 27/05/2020 19:09

I would use your keyworker status of I were you. And in fact I am using mine. DC has been at home alone long enough. Myself and DH could stay home to work long-term but we are both struggling to get enough done during the day. So from Monday DC will be in school and DH and I will do a mix of WOH and WFH.
One of us will drop off and work late, while the other starts work much earlier and finishes early for pick up. We will both have much better quality time with DC that way too because we will be able to concentrate much more during working hours and switch off from work for more of the day than we can right now.

We are both in the situation where our employers have increased our workload go cater for others who are not working at the moment, and it's hard.

It's hard looking up from my screen and constantly seeing DC on a screen. So we want the social interaction school will bring.

ValancyRedfern · 27/05/2020 19:10

If you are a key worker surely their school has to have them? I'm a teacher and going back next week. Dd is Yr1 so she is allowed back even if I weren't a key worker. But if she weren't I'd be sending her back anyway even though dp is working from home as we are DONE!

1dayatatime · 27/05/2020 19:20

@fartyface - I am in a pretty much exact same place as you. I work 4 days a week, DP is both a key worker and in a senior position working 5 days a week. 3 children that we are failing at home schooling. Youngest hopefully should go back to nursery on Monday, older two not going back yet and we school won't allow the key worker argument as only one is a key worker. I find myself looking after the youngest most of the day then starting work at 8 pm finishing around midnight. Except for last night when I literally fell asleep at my desk. I just can't keep going on like this for much longer and just want to cry.

Andi2020 · 27/05/2020 19:24

If you are key workers what reason are you getting from not been allow at school.
Could you get a teenager in to help now that restrictions are lifting a bit.

icansmellburningleaves · 27/05/2020 19:24

Hats off to the the mums and dads managing a very tricky situation. Hand on in there, you’re doing a great job💐

porktangle · 27/05/2020 19:26

Are your school not taking any key worker children? If they are taking others, they have to take yours. Tell them you are needed back in your place of work if needs be (I don't say that lightly, I just mean sometimes people don't realise that you can't do clinical work with children around regardless of where it is for example). Don't take unpaid leave for a key worker role that is needed (and will put pressure on all people if you're not there) when the government has mandated there must be a place at school for them.

Girlswithflowers · 27/05/2020 19:29

My dds are older but it is still hard. Both myself and and DH are working full time and they are very bored and neglected. We are in Scotland so no prospect of school here and we are still in full lockdown

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