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Original poster

is anyone reaching the end of their rope with this? wfh with kids

88 replies

fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:00

hiya

I have 3 children at home aged 4-8 and am trying to work from home as a key worker in a seniorish 4 day a week job. DH is in the same position 5 days a week.

We seem to have got to the point where we cant deal with this situation any more. We both spend much of the day on calls and finding our calendars filling as the day progresses. and the kids are just gettting ignored. We dont achieve much schoolwork, we dont take them for exercise and we rarely leave the house.

It just feels that this situation is going to go on now until sept at the earliest and we cant do this that long.

Are others i the same position and can anyone help me feel like we can change it somehow?

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 28/05/2020 08:09

We are similar except neither of us are key workers and our children are not in the priority years for returning (both primary). School are being very clear that they do not agree with reopening and unlikely that ours will go back until September.
Majority of people at my workplace are coping by trying to work in “shifts” so one parent does 6am-12pm and the other the afternoon, and make up hours in the evening. My job requires me to be in many meetings pretty much all day so that hasn’t really worked for me, I have been more ruthless on which meetings I attend and also asked for some to be moved to fit me (luckily I have a great relationship with the CEO’s PA!)
As from next week we have asked our usual babysitter (very smart responsible 18 year old) to come 2-3 hours a day. Yes it will cost us but we are saving on travel etc so not that much difference.

AnnaNimmity · 28/05/2020 08:19

It's really hard OP. Can you not block out a couple of hours each day where you just don't work and you focus on the children? And then your Dh does the same? Would your boss allow that?

I've just accepted this will go on until September - neither of my children are in the returning years. It's even harder during holidays I'm finding - my kids are just feral while I work in a different room.

Sexnotgender · 28/05/2020 08:20

Totally. DS is 15 months so needs CONSTANT supervision.

DH is amazing and doing the bulk of childcare but our diaries clash sometimes and it’s so hard.

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Families
Original poster
fartyface · 28/05/2020 08:26

Thanks for all this it is helpful. I need to speak with dh as he is asthmatic which is our main reason for not accessing provision until now.

To answer the question about what to do about this I think schools should have a plan for all children gonig back - eg one week on, one week off, and that should happen this term. Current provisions are totally arbitrary especially in a 3 tier system.

The gov should have worked with the Dfe to get a work able plan and get schools and unions on board before they screwed it up.

Other than that I guess it is down to us to have bosses who actually understand what a nightmare this is. The problem with unpaid leave of course is in the title "key worker" I do actually have an important job. But something has got to give, and a return to the 50s shouldn't be it for the sake of a global pandemic

OP posts:
zafferana · 28/05/2020 08:52

School would take them back as key worker children, but they are really clear - only if we have to etc.

You have to OP - you can no longer cope. You've struggled on for nine weeks already and have reached the end of your rope - so send them in! FGS you are entitled to places for all of them. I can understand the anguish of non-key workers who don't have the option, but you do, so send them in. That provision is precisely for people like you, so use it!

Rainallnight · 28/05/2020 08:55

I don’t know how you’re all doing it. I’m sort of accidentally a SAHM at the moment because of family bereavement but otherwise I’d have been working, along with DP and I just down know how I’d have survived. I think the expectations placed on you all are bonkers.

Flowers to all of you, I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

Onone · 28/05/2020 09:05

Yes I’m actually very worried about my mental health at the minute as probably a lot of people are,dh works crazy long hours so he’s not around to help!

cansu · 28/05/2020 09:11

You will have to push for a place at school. They are probably in the position of struggling for staff if they increase the size of the key worker group, but if you need it then you will have to push back on them. I am a teacher and have been very clear with my dd's school that she needs a place every day. I don't imagine they are thrilled about this but it is what it is. I am guessing your issue is that you are both wfm and the school knows it?

GinGella · 28/05/2020 09:42

We have used our keyworker place two days a week as that's all the setting has been open. They weren't keen originally as they know I am mostly wfh but then they offered the two days which on balance was better than changing his setting which I was having to consider.

DH is back at work and I am also in a fairly senior position so back to back calls most days and high volumes of work especially now more business as usual is picking back up. Work have been great but I still dread the two days I have at home. After speaking to my boss I was attempting to block out periods of the day to focus on the two kids but someone always calls or there is some kind of emergency or something that needs doing. I have taken some leave but am also dreading the summer! I am really driven by having things to look forward to so not having holiday's or events to look forward to isn't helping.

Hopefully for us at least the rules will be relaxed so I can use my (under 70 fit and healthy) mother over the summer. I normally pay her to do our wraparound and her and the kids are missing each other terribly.

No magic answers but solidarity. It is really tough going!

PositiveLife · 28/05/2020 10:50

I would need wraparound care to open. I'm not sure how it helps to have my child in school for school hours - I work full time so would have to do drop off and pick up during my work hours, so it would just add to the stress.

Sexnotgender · 28/05/2020 11:12

Currently trying to work with a toddler on my knee. I want to cry.

Original poster
fartyface · 28/05/2020 11:24

So many people in the same boat. So hard.

OP posts:
banjaxxed · 28/05/2020 11:34

Your school are not being very good there. When this all kicked off, the key worker bit was that places were there but if at all possible you should keep your kids at home. We did exactly this even though would been entitled to a place.

Now, with schools re-opening our school (primary) said that with R, 1 and 6 they were open to all key worker children and they were priority

They are going from having c7 per day to 40, all 'key worker' children.

Get them into school, sounds like the risk to (all) your wellbeing's is higher than Covid.

Worry about the school holidays when we are mid-late June and can see how this all pans out.

dameofdilemma · 28/05/2020 11:35

It's really tough, I don't know how some of you are managing.

There does need to be recognition that parents are likely to be forced to give up work (if they can afford to) and be discriminated against (when redundancies loom).

Parents will likely find little sympathy from those without kids who feel unfairly burdened (understandably) or senior managers reliant on SAHPs.

This should have been addressed by Govt early on (eg mandating that furlough, where possible, go to parents of young children and prioritising single parents etc).
They should also look at some sort of additional benefits for parents on lower incomes who are forced to take unpaid leave.

But we have a Govt largely populated by men who have never been primary carers and have not interest in or empathy for those who are.

My advice would be get any kind of childcare you can afford, use the schools if you're key workers - do whatever you can to get through this with jobs, finances and everyone's wellbeing intact. (There's a long way to go yet...

Sanch1 · 28/05/2020 12:45

I was in similar position, after 7 weeks I used my key worker position to get the eldest back into school, she's now going 3 days a week which massively takes the pressure off. Her little sister is easier to deal with on her own and they cant argue! Youngest is now going back to nursery next week, reduced hours, but every day, so I feel like I'm getting to the end of the tunnel a bit! If I were you I'd insist the eldest two are given an educare place, at least for a few days a week, and the rules for the youngest seem terrible and need asking about, our nursery has made changes but will still be helping children with toileting in PPE and comforting them.

Bubblysqueak · 28/05/2020 12:49

Ds hasn't stopped talking since lockdown day 1. It is driving everyone bonkers !

LimitIsUp · 28/05/2020 16:38

This is a total eye opener for me. Not working (just my dh working) and two teenagers 16 & 17. I hadn't appreciated how hard this is for some working families Thanks

LittleMissEngineer · 28/05/2020 17:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Girlswithflowers · 28/05/2020 19:29

And Just to give is a kicking when we are all down.... on itv tonight....

"Britain's best parent" - vom - like i care!

felineflutter · 28/05/2020 19:45

I spoke to DD's teacher almost in tears a few weeks ago, as we really couldn't cope. We are both frontline key workers and at the time in incredibly stressful roles, think no PPE etc.

The teacher said she could print the work off if that would help but didn't once mention we could bring DD to school.

I thought because we have been working shifts around each other that we weren't entitled to a place?

5LeafPenguin · 28/05/2020 19:46

Me...am at wits end. MH has gone rapidly downhill and through the floor.

I know there are people whose teens are managing to engage with schoolwork just like at school and people who are using the time at home to get through stuff.

That is not my experience and it sucks.

RoseMartha · 28/05/2020 20:02

Yes I have had enough.

Sending all those struggling a 🤗🤗🤗

I just take one day at a time. But beginning to feel really depressed and fed up.

Cant see me going back to the work place until September or whenever schools open properly as DC need adult supervision.

Currently juggling the following:
Wfh
One to one support for school work with one of my dc.
Coping with aggressive asd teen.
Co parenting with abusive ex
Taking the dc to and from ex's house for contact as he can not help with this according to him.
Carer for elderly parents who want to carry on living independently and refusing outside help other than myself or my sibling. Numerous daily problems with parents,
Shopping for three households in addition to my own, as they are vulnerable.
Normal running household stuff.
Talking dc out daily so asd dc can get rid of excess energy.
Trying to sell family home and find somewhere much smaller to buy where we me and dc will fit within small budget.

spotlighton · 28/05/2020 21:05

@felineflutter ring up the school and follow up with an email. All keyworker children are entitled to FT school places you pay your tax for that place, and so do I, send your child to school if you are finding it difficult. Key workers are keeping this country going, you deserve this!

redeyetonowheregood · 28/05/2020 21:12

Our school only allows key worker children if both parents are key workers and can't work at home. It has caused a lot of resentment. Nurses who work nights are having to look after their children during the day as partners on conference calls ect ..

rallytog1 · 28/05/2020 21:25

Dh and I are both key workers but can currently WFH. The message from school has been very clear that if the children can still be safely looked after at home, then they do not want us to access the key worker provision. I am torn because I don't want to cause extra pressure to school, but we are not going to be able to go on like this for much longer.