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Original poster

is anyone reaching the end of their rope with this? wfh with kids

88 replies

fartyface · 27/05/2020 18:00

hiya

I have 3 children at home aged 4-8 and am trying to work from home as a key worker in a seniorish 4 day a week job. DH is in the same position 5 days a week.

We seem to have got to the point where we cant deal with this situation any more. We both spend much of the day on calls and finding our calendars filling as the day progresses. and the kids are just gettting ignored. We dont achieve much schoolwork, we dont take them for exercise and we rarely leave the house.

It just feels that this situation is going to go on now until sept at the earliest and we cant do this that long.

Are others i the same position and can anyone help me feel like we can change it somehow?

OP posts:
Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 19:30

it is both great and awful that so many are in this position. (yes i know others have it worse, but that doesnt make me feel better at this point)

I welcome all the comments and I know that they are helpful and creative but my enthusiasm for any of it has diminished. I am sooo tired that I cannot consider getting up at 5am, nor do I have anything left to give at 8pm although either option is easier than all day zoom. But with the workload I find that I just boggle at the kids when I actually spend time with them - eg tea time, because I am up to my ears in work.

School would take them back as key worker children, but they are really clear - only if we have to etc. And the offer for nursery children is unworkable. My 4yo will not cope with not being touched, nor having different teachers each day, nor having no help with toiletting and me having to fetch him if he does a poo.

OP posts:
Dowser · 27/05/2020 19:32

The whoLe , situation sucks and children Have been thrown under a bus
I Think parents need to band together and organise a protest.
It’s time for an end to an untenable situation

Dk20 · 27/05/2020 19:43

@fartyface I agree with you, although i feel sorry for others struggling, in glad that I'm not alone in this. It makes me feel like less of a terrible mother.
I also have the exhaustion that you have and was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me. In the evening once the baby is in bed (6pm), I am almost too tired to move off the couch Sad
I do have the option of moving my work hours/working a split shift but know I wouldn't have the energy/concentration to log back on in the evening once the kids are in bed.

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Families
DelurkingAJ · 27/05/2020 19:46

Is it worth seeing if there’s a local teenager who could become a nanny for you? We’re on our knees too and thankfully our CM is taking both DSs from 1 June (because I’m a key worker and she’ll only have our boys). I’m trying to stay positive but it’s almost impossible.

IgnoranceIsStrength · 27/05/2020 19:51

Similar here with a 3 year old and 6 year old. DH working out of the house all week and I am working from home full time. It is impossible and I feel like such a shitty parent

Dougt · 27/05/2020 19:53

Yes I have reached the end, I’m only working part time at the moment and only have two DC including one who still naps. But DD should be starting back at nursery and they aren’t being ridiculous about things (so will still be hugging children if needed and helping them to go to the loo).

Use the school place whilst you can and your nursery must surely realise they can only open two minutes before needing to touch a child?

I agree it’s really shit. Women have been thrown under a bus as well as it’s well known already they do the majority of home and childcare when working.

porktangle · 27/05/2020 19:56

You're being guilt tripped in to not using the school places when this is exactly what they are there for. Please use them. Even if you keep the smallest at home, that should help?

thatsmyumbrellaellla · 27/05/2020 20:05

In the same situation here as well. Both key workers but I can mainly wfh and DH is out at work all week so I am at home with DCs 2 and 5. We can't access the school because I am able to wfh. We had the worst week last week and just knew we couldn't go on like we were. This week has been better so far it's tiring but I've been getting up and starting work much earlier and we have each day planned out with things for the dc to do that they need minimal help with. 5 yo has some simple school worksheets that she is working through. I make sure they are ones she can manage easily. The weather has been good so we have got them out in the garden. The biggest shift for me has been my mindset of the whole situation I just can't do it all I can't put all the hours in and be a half decent parent my work has suffered this week but it has been a happier house although that's really not sustainable either

ScreamingKid · 27/05/2020 20:13

Its shit OP. I am grateful its half term, but my 2 just spend about 13 hours a day on devices because they are so bored. School work is a nightmare with the 2 of them and work is so busy. I really hope the restrictions will be loosened further tomorrow because I'm so over this now.

RandomMess · 27/05/2020 20:29

Advertise for uni students/teens? Even if they just did some hours with them and took them out each day it would help everyone mentally.

Original poster
fartyface · 27/05/2020 20:45

thanks all, sorry I wasnt clear before the little one goes to both school nursery and a separate pre school so he will be going to the private preschool 2 days a week, it is the school nursery who are being bonkers.

I think we need to come up with some other options for them too.

OP posts:
Invisimamma · 27/05/2020 20:50

Yes, I really feel close to breaking point. Despite my work being flexible, saying the right things, there is still work that needs done.

Dp works in a hospital so has to go out to work long shifts and I'm really struggling to do this on my own all day. Tomorrow I have back to back zoom calls most of the day and the dc are going to fend for themselves. I'm stressed, snappy and horrible and it's not fair on them. My 5yr old especially has been really tearful and clingy.

We're in Scotland so school won't be open until mid August and then it'll be very part time with 'blended home learning.' I don't know how long I can do this for, but I earn more than dp so I just need to suck it up.

Lianarose · 27/05/2020 22:32

@RandomMess

Advertise for uni students/teens? Even if they just did some hours with them and took them out each day it would help everyone mentally.
What's the difference between doing this and having a fit and healthy under 70 family member help with childcare? I have a teenaged niece, so I could ask her to look after my children while I work? Or a younger grandparent/aunt/uncle? A friend?

OP it sounds like you need to tell school the situation is no longer tenable for you and you need to use the key worker place you're eligible for. If it doesn't go well, you can reassess, but it would make sense to use it now before the summer holidays.

I'm sorry, it's utterly shit. People can't be expected to continue like this any longer.

RandomMess · 27/05/2020 22:43

@Lianarose there isn't but I didn't think the op had family available to help...

Plus if someone is employed and cannot work from home they are allowed to go to work and nannies have always been allowed to work 🤷🏽‍♀️

May not be able to find or afford a nanny but some daytime babysitting would certainly ease the pressure.

pitterpatterrain · 27/05/2020 22:49

Mine are both going back full time to the CM next week - had enough with us both working FT, DD1 and DD2 (6&3) - thank goodness the CM is sensible

I have given up on the school having a coherent plan.

It is shit. I am off this week as it has got too much

spotlighton · 27/05/2020 23:13

You will have to insist you use the key workers children places at school.
Or hire a Nanny
Or take unpaid leave with your h taking it in turns as suggested
Or find a friend/family member who can do childcare (I realise this is unlikely)
Or you/your h quit your jobs or drop to 0.5 each.

Not sure working until you drop or the children have an accident is the best way to do this. Parents have a long road ahead of them.

spotlighton · 27/05/2020 23:16

Gov guidelines re schools has always been key worker children are entitled to a place, regardless if there is another parent.
If you are a governor why are you asking and ensuring them to apply the gov guidelines?
There could be other parents and children from your school suffering like your and yours?

puppymouse · 27/05/2020 23:26

I feel you here too Thanks

We only have one DD but it's getting harder and harder. Today she didn't even let me out of her sight when I specifically said I had work to do. She insisted on bringing pens and paper to my office and sitting next to me. Which I allowed but then got 50 billion questions and wasn't getting anything done.

She has massive tantrums because she's so frustrated and DH (also wfh but much less demanding job) is so drained from constantly picking up the slack. We are sending her back to school next week despite seemingly being the only parents we know who are selfish and cruel enough to do so BlushSad

GloGirl · 27/05/2020 23:29

I rang the Department of Education this week (they have a helpline for parents re coronavirus.)

Your children ARE entitled to a school place if one parent is a key worker whether in home or not. I was advised to contact my local authority.

GoingtotheWinchester · 27/05/2020 23:36

Just out of interest, and this is a genuine question because I honestly don’t know, for all those saying parents need to protest and this can’t go on any longer - what do you think the solution should be?

Fuckwfh · 27/05/2020 23:36

Me. I am a shielding single parent who is a key worker now wfh. I have a chronic health condition that is currently uncontrolled and all clinics are cancelled, save for a couple of telephone appointments.

I informed management I was really struggling - their position was that my children could always attend school.

I requested any form of unpaid leave and was informed this was not really possible. A furlough policy was distributed however when I enquired for child care reasons I was told local government workers could not be furloughed. Why have a policy then?

I am now signed off as it was impacting my physical health. I feel as though the government have shafted certain groups. In my case, I find it unfair that other parents can be furloughed due to childcare issues yet some of us, equally stressed with the same childcare issues cannot.

I do however have full sympathy to those on furlough who are worried about their own jobs.

Ron1984 · 27/05/2020 23:37

Yep same. I feel guilty I’m not parenting properly and I’m fucking up at work - the stress is getting too much. I’m over compensating and trying to keep a smile on my face and it’s becoming exhausting

LittleMissEngineer · 27/05/2020 23:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

UrbanMage · 28/05/2020 00:03

I'm at the end of mine and I'm a teacher!

We did want to keep on keeping DD off, as she's in a bit of a routine, but my MH is really taking a bad hit. She's in reception so it's a daily battle in my head weighing up pros and cons of her going back. DH works 11+ hour days to make up for me trying to get virtual classes done and upteen hours of marking from home. DD has days when it's too much Disney+ and leapfrog unfortunately. Utter nightmare as I will have to start going back into school as of Monday for one day per week.

I know she would have a place anyway, but my anxiety means I get worried about her at the best of times.

(Though I could have happily put her in eBay today...)

Lianarose · 28/05/2020 07:57

Thanks @RandomMess

I think people are talking about protest because they feel the govt has not really recognised this is unworkable longer term for most so want the govt to give it some consideration @GoingtotheWinchester

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