Do most people have a terrible secret which could ruin their life?

[aurynne]

Yesterday my DH and I were watching an episode of The Honourable Woman, and I found myself thinking back to all the movies, novels and series in which it appears that every character is carrying a dark, terrible secret which would ruin their life if it came to light. Often there is someone in the plot who, at some point, says something like "Everybody has a secret to protect", and the main character nods wisely, as if this was widely known and accepted.

I know it's fiction, but do you believe this is mostly true? Do you have a secret which, if revealed, would affect your or your loved ones' lives in a significant way? Of course I am not asking you to reveal it here (although if you wish, please be my guest, I am very nosey!), but please just feed my curiosity by saying YES (I have a dark secret) or NO (I don't have any dark secrets).

Personally, I think I must be very boring. The best detective in the World could not really find anything juicy to blackmail me with. My family is not going to find any skeletons in my closet (perhaps just some dust balls). I obviously have parts of my life that I prefer to remain in the private arena, but nothing worth going viral for, nothing that would really shock anyone or turn my life upside down by far if I published it today in The New York Times.

What about you?

No, I'm an open book, things I've done in the past that could become 'shameful secrets', I just tell people about and then 'poof', it's gone, it has no power over my life, I've set it free

I'm a very strong believer in a 'no secrets or shame' attitude to life, it's very liberating.

I think you're being deeply naive here. Your 'no secrets, no shame'/'poof and it's gone' attitude wouldn't get anyone far with the police if your 'shameful secret' was that you'd had some involvement with a serious crime you hadn't disclosed, or with the press and general public if you decide to come clean about the fact that you're actually Maxine Carr.

There are some WILD things I am ashamed of from my past... I've ruled out ever becoming famous because of the stories that would be sold

But nothing that would affect my relationships with people now i.e. my marriage or friends - unless they decided to judge me on my previous actions.

I have a horrible secret; something happened to someone when they were very young, too young to remember, but I and 2 other people know about it. We've been advised never to "reveal" the secret to the now adult person as this might create some sort of trauma. Is their ignorance bliss?

I keep thinking one day they will find out, and ask why I never told them, and be tormented by it - or even worse they find out after I've died leaving them without me to explain it to them/help them come to terms with it. Most of the time I never think about it, but when I do it casts a shadow over everything.

Ruin my life? No.

Ruin my relationship with my family? Yes. Things which are quite normal to most people (eg I've kissed women, I tried weed once) would have my parents convinced I was headed straight for hell and need 'saving'.

Well, I also have the 'don't get involved with serious crime' attitude to life as well Frangible.

Yes, Mainly things kept secret from my parents that they didn't or don't need to know and would upset them, and change their opinion of me.
There are several interesting 'family secrets' that I have had hints of from different people, (prostitution, prison and even murder - but not all the same person) but not enough to work out either who was involved or who covered up as it is all a long time ago.
I also know a friends DD does not have the same dad as her siblings which would devastate the family.

Nothing deep and dark. I had a lovely wild past and I'm so glad I did so the words 'romp shocker' could be used about me if I ever became famous.

I know lots of other people's secrets though...People tell me everything.

Fair enough, @ILikeYourHairyHands -- there just seemed to be an assumption on the thread that 'shameful secrets' meant fiddling your tax returns, or snogging your boyfriend's best friend in your teens, when in fact it could be something an awful lot darker.

Not even necessarily crime-related. I know a man who discovered he wasn't his daughter's biological father just before the daughter got married, and I used to houseshare with someone who found out when she was in her early twenties that her 'mother' was in fact her grandmother, and the woman she thought of as her much older sister was in fact her biological mother.

When I was at school I was seduced by a teacher. We had a relationship for 18 months. He was almost 50 years old. I feel very ashamed about it and if my family knew it definitely happened (they accused me but I never admitted it), it would be very embarrassing and awkward, but wouldn't ruin my life. Looking back, he was quite abusive and controlling, and technically I was raped and pressured into a relationship.

I've made mistakes in jobs, which I would not talk about. Not massive ones, but not great.

No, but I know a secret about someone else that would ruin their life if it ever came out.

I told mine, because trying to keep it a secret caused me to have a breakdown. It caused absolute devastation, but I still think it was the right thing to do as I'm not sure I would still be here otherwise.

Yes

@Endlessness OMG that's awful, he basically took advantage of you!

yes, but only I know it and sharing it would benefit nobody. I will take it to my grave.

Yes I have one and it will die with me

I have 'secrets', things (mostly from when I was much younger) that would upset some family members, but nothing that would 'ruin my life', they would get over it.

I was deeply deeply ashamed of my mental breakdown and hospitalisation at 19 I thought no one would ever love me or employe me or even want to be my friend ever again and I was horrified at wider family finding out, I felt the same about being gay ... fast forward 30 years and I’m almost proud of my survival and use my experience to be a better parent and health care professional, I’m still not honest on application forms for jobs as I usually really want and need the job and don’t want breakdowns on my file , so yes that could come back to burn me someday

I have a massive drinking problem that TBH i doubt is much of a secret.

My mum had a very adark and deeply distressing family secret that considered the best time to tell me about it was on the night before my wedding.

It was a secret of such that i nearly called the wedding off as thought it was unfair of DH to be marrying me with that sort of family history. It ruined the day for me, and eventually when I told Dh (some mon ths alter) he shrugged and said that basically my grandfather was not me, and sins of the father and all that.

i am still cross about the timing of the big reveal.

Oh they're quite dark, much worse than teenage misdemeanors, but nothing the police would be interested in Frangible.

Secrets such as the one you mention should absolutely be out, information like that causes so much pain and affects people's lives terribly when it eventually comes out and so much stress for the people trying to guard the secret. Much better to shine a light on things.

Serious crime? I think I'd still want it 'out', I couldn't live with the pressure of knowing the axe may fall at any minute, 'fess up, take the punishment, get on with your life (or don't do it in the first place!).

Yes

No secrets, very boring!
If you do have a mortifying secret do you live by the motto of 'Never tell anyone a secret because eventually they'll use it against you'... My old boss used to say this phrase and it makes me wonder if you would ever really trust someone enough to tell them a big secret that could have consequences if it got out?

In my 70s and got a dark secret from 30+ years ago which I went to some trouble to conceal. Moved to another city and changed my name. In real terms its not that terrible but does not fit in with my current image and none of my current friends know or suspect anything about it.

Nothing significant for me (unless inappropriate dreams count in which case I am in BIG trouble).

But I am the keeper of a secret confided by a dying (now deceased) person, together with the associated documents. Another living person knows the relevant facts and could use them to hurt others if so minded. In fear of this the dying person left me the documents to tell their side of the story if it ever comes out.

No secrets but lots of darkness

Yes. quite a few,from many years ago.