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Do most people have a terrible secret which could ruin their life?

500 replies

aurynne · 18/05/2020 07:59

Yesterday my DH and I were watching an episode of The Honourable Woman, and I found myself thinking back to all the movies, novels and series in which it appears that every character is carrying a dark, terrible secret which would ruin their life if it came to light. Often there is someone in the plot who, at some point, says something like "Everybody has a secret to protect", and the main character nods wisely, as if this was widely known and accepted.

I know it's fiction, but do you believe this is mostly true? Do you have a secret which, if revealed, would affect your or your loved ones' lives in a significant way? Of course I am not asking you to reveal it here (although if you wish, please be my guest, I am very nosey!), but please just feed my curiosity by saying YES (I have a dark secret) or NO (I don't have any dark secrets).

Personally, I think I must be very boring. The best detective in the World could not really find anything juicy to blackmail me with. My family is not going to find any skeletons in my closet (perhaps just some dust balls). I obviously have parts of my life that I prefer to remain in the private arena, but nothing worth going viral for, nothing that would really shock anyone or turn my life upside down by far if I published it today in The New York Times.

What about you?

OP posts:
Fauz · 19/05/2020 20:30

Never let your past define you. Move on and find a better life.

Lazydaisydaydream · 19/05/2020 20:30

I accidentally found out the secret of a close family member, it's not something awful or illegal but they have obviously taken great pains to hide it because it would turn their entire life upside down and affect the whole family. They have no idea that I know and I have never told anybody that there even is the existence of a secret, never mind what it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I should tell them I know...would it make them feel better to know someone knows and would help support them? Or as they've tried so hard to hide it, would it be unfair of me to force it out into the open even just between the two of us? This is something I've struggled with for years.

SallyB392 · 19/05/2020 20:31

No idea, I've got memory problems so if I do have deep dark secrets they don't bother me as I can't remember them!

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Amum89 · 19/05/2020 20:37

Ahh I have 5

And I will never ever tell anyone even my fiancé and best friend are clueless

One is something awful that happened to me

One is something highly illegal I've done and would ruin my life if the truth came out

Two are awful things I've done and regretted - again would ruin my life

One is a secret I keep about my stepfather he doesn't know that I know, and I would never tell my mother as they'd divorce

And honestly I don't look at him any different....

Wilkie1956mog · 19/05/2020 20:43

Yes I have something (nothing illegal or really terribly shocking to anyone outside my family) but it would ruin my relationships with close family because it involves a long running deception from years ago that I still keep up. Something a bit crazy. I do suspect that most people have something to hide, even if it's rarely a crime or anything like that.

Mooballs · 19/05/2020 20:47

Yes, childhood sexual abuse from a brother. Tried to tell my DM, she didn't believe me. So much remains unsaid. My DH knows though and has been a great support. But no-one in the wider family knows and never will.

NamesNamesSoManyNames · 19/05/2020 20:49

Yes.
I bullied a girl in school when I was 12-14.
I deeply regret it and would hate people to find out that about me. That teenager is not who I am now.

I think I have a couple more, but that's the one I am most ashamed of.

TheRobotsAreComing · 19/05/2020 20:51

Lots of people have secrets and often they're best kept in the past...

My friends partners sister drunkenly told my friend that her MIL had an affair with said sisters boyfriend (MIL was in 30s and boyfriend was 19).

My friend kept her mouth shut but when sister didn't get enough drama cooked up she ended up leaking it to FIL. He went on a downward spiral, the family disintegrated terribly and he ended up tragically taking his own life last year Sad

The moral I take from that is that some things should be left unsaid for the sake of everyone...

AbsentmindedWoman · 19/05/2020 20:56

No secrets. I have always overshared about all my escapades, dubious choices and lapses in judgment Grin

Intrigued to know what some of the dark secrets on this thread are though!

sammylady37 · 19/05/2020 20:57

Nothing illegal.

Nothing that absolutely nobody else knows, but of the few secrets I do have, only one person knows each one, ie there’s nobody in my life who knows all my secrets.

One is the fact that I was raped many years ago. My sister knows. It would have absolutely destroyed my parents so I never ever told them. I undertook a lot of counselling and have dealt with it very well, it rarely crosses my mind now.

There are a few pertaining to my personal life and things I’ve done- nothing that would ‘destroy’ my life but nonetheless things I wouldn’t want everyone knowing.

Professionally, nothing major. Nothing fraudulent. Nothing that caused anyone any harm. So nothing really Smile

I have a particular kink (don’t ask cos I’m not going to reveal what it is Grin ) and only the guy with whom I indulge it knows. It’s quite niche. We always say that it’s lovely that nobody else has the slightest clue that we’re into it, it’s nice to have something totally separate from family, friends, colleagues etc. But yeah, dementia worried me, I may spill all then!

skinnyhotchoc · 19/05/2020 21:01

No. I mean I have a few things that I would not tell anybody about but they're not life shattering

longtimecomin · 19/05/2020 21:02

I've been in a couple of orgies and had girl on girl a couple of times. Then there's the drugs, and the shoplifting, I'm very respectable now, you would never guess if if you saw me.

gemdotcom · 19/05/2020 21:02

Yes!
My eldest DS has a different father to my other children, none of them know! Ds1 is 21 now and his sperm donor father hasn’t had contact since he was 6 months. Always thought that at 16/18/21 he might get in touch but no Hmm
I wrestled with telling him for ages but I thought will the knowledge enhance his life and I figured no!

Second was about my best friend. My mom told me one day that BF’s sister wasn’t actually her sister she was her cousin. BF’s aunty didn’t want the child and BFs mom and dad adopted her and raised her as there’s. It never clicked until mom told me that K didn’t look anything like BF or other sister! I never told BF, figured it wasn’t my bombshell to drop. She turned up at mine a few years later absolutely gobsmacked when she found out. I said yeah I know and I explained my thought. We are still BFFs Grin It rocked her family though Sad none of the sisters speak now and K is estranged from adopted mom and dad Sad

RoseLillian · 19/05/2020 21:07

Kind of. I had an affair when I was in my early 20’s with a married man who was 20 years older than me. He was also in a position of authority over me at work. I was in a very bad place at the time and trying to get over something extremely traumatic. I feel like he fully took advantage of me. He has had many affairs before and since. When I first got together with my DH I told him about it as I didn’t want him finding out later. My Dad never knew about it (he passed away last year). My Mum and Sister don’t know about it. I don’t think my sister would care too much, but I think it would massively damage my relationship with my Mum, she is very straight down the line when it comes to right and wrong. I can imagine if my Dad had found out he would have been extremely angry at him rather than me.

Winebottle · 19/05/2020 21:10

I've certainly got a few things the papers would be interested in if I became a politician but nothing that would ruin my life otherwise.

I could bounce back from a career or relationship ending. I think its only really serious criminal acts (murder or sexual offences) that are not forgotten about.

LovelyIssues · 19/05/2020 21:11

Yes... A fair few

AdoptedBumpkin · 19/05/2020 21:14

I'd be surprised if many people did really.

elliebound1975 · 19/05/2020 21:22

Yes

Middersweekly · 19/05/2020 21:29

Yes a few. Nothing highly illegal or career ruining. Mostly shameful and embarrassing behaviour that’s ruined friendships. Many family secrets that I will never reveal and many. Many secrets of others that I would never tell even if I don’t speak to said people any more.

Awesome2020 · 19/05/2020 21:33

Yes, two. Sell up, move hundreds of miles away and start completely over kind of secrets.

Littleshortcake · 19/05/2020 21:39

Nothing that would ruin my life or that I am ashamed of but I have slept with more people than dh or my parents or current friends would think I have. I absolutely wouldn't want anyone to know. But I am not ashamed of it myself (it's not many by any means but more that people would think of me). Plus dh and I didn't have that type of relationship due to his religious beliefs which I respected. So that's it really.
Also I have as painful relationship with my family that I wouldn't like people to know about really.

9While9AndImWaiting · 19/05/2020 21:43

I was a complete train wreck.
I'll be fine as long as I never want to run for parliament or anything where they'd actively delve deep into a person's life and past.

Cindie943811A · 19/05/2020 22:04

There is a podcast called Family Secrets that I have been following and which is very interesting. For those who like podcasts it is worth listening to.

FanSaBhaile · 19/05/2020 22:18

Yes, nothing illegal but would probably break up my marriage and horrify my family.

ShhhHush · 19/05/2020 22:22

Yes, although my DP, best friend and my therapist know but no one else.
I've name changed for this but I do think it's cathartic to share. I was raped by my friends boyfriend, I was drunk and said no more than once but didn't have the power to stop him. Since it happened I have let her think that I consented to it and am just a terrible friend rather than let the truth come out. It took years of therapy to realise that actually it wasn't my fault and he is the one to blame but absolutely nothing would be gained by telling my truth and I doubt she would believe me anyway.
I do struggle with the shame of not being strong and doing something about it.