Thank you so much for this thread. Especially pages 12 & 13. Thank you for saying what I've been keeping inside my head for weeks now re dementia sufferers and never dared express it.
My mother was finally diagnosed with dementia 10 years before she finally died in a care home. For the last 3 years of her life she was catatonic - bedridden, doubly incontinent, non-verbal. It was tortuous for her and her loved ones. Eventually, 2 years ago she lost the ability to swallow and was put on end of life care, which basically involved pumping an assortment of drugs into her (so she didn't 'suffer' - HA!) while she slowly starved/dehydrated to death. I was advised that she would last no more than a few days, so I dutifully sat by her bedside for hours on end. Unbelievably, she hung on for almost 2 weeks. It was undoubtedly the most horrific experience of my life - I still have nightmares about it and a Hell of a lot of unresolved anger that she suffered such an undignified, cruel end.
I would far rather that (like my father) she had had died years earlier from a short respiratory illness like pneumonia or indeed Covid-19 before she had to suffer the worst indignities of dementia.
Also, my father-in-law recently died from lung cancer and his funeral was held shortly before lockdown was announced. My husband hasn't been able to see or hug his mother since then. That poor woman has lost the man she shared her life with for nearly 60 years and has been alone and heartbroken without the comfort of a single human touch for weeks now. She lives in Scotland, we live in England (in the borders, so not far from each other) so God knows when we'll even be allowed to go and even wave through the window at her. It's fucking monstrous. I'm so fucking angry right now I could go nuclear.
Fuck. This. Shit.
Sorry for long post. I feel much better now!