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Dh is spending a fortune on the weekly shop !!!!

245 replies

Comps83 · 13/05/2020 12:40

It's always been DHs job to do the big shop as he says I'm shit at it and he knows what we need as he does all the cooking
But since lockdown he is going crazy . He's spending between £200-300 every week
There's only us and a small baby
I'm about to go onto statutory maternity pay soon!
Anyone else spending a lot more since lockdown ?

OP posts:
sergeilavrov · 13/05/2020 16:40

Ultimately, I think (while very interesting!) what others spend isn't the issue. If this isn't within your means, you need to cut back in anticipation of the pay cut that comes with your maternity leave. He needs to have a mature grown up conversation about this, because you're a team. Sometimes conversations about money can be hard, and sometimes people overspend at times of stress because it makes them feel more secure - this is especially true when there have been weeks of things out of stock and he has a wife and baby to take care of.

I'd try to reassure him, and talk to him about you finding having so much food in the house a little stressful in itself, and that maybe you can try and do a week without shopping and see what interesting meals you can make (e.g. we made a wonderful oxtail stew that even my toddler liked from the leftovers in our freezer and some root vegetables at the end of their lifespan). Say you'd like to spend more time together, so if you can freeze leftovers and just have a cosy night cuddling on the sofa, eating oven heated meals - that's great... but you'll need freezer room to do it. How you sell this is everything.

If you are seriously concerned about his alcohol habit, I'd suggest doing the online shop together, and selecting alternatives with lower alcohol contents or something like port which is odd to drink continuously. That way, you can incorporate drinking into specific times like after dinner cheese, and limit the extent of it elsewhere.

emz771 · 13/05/2020 16:42

Only you know if you can afford it - but in lockdown I don’t think it’s unreasonable

LockdownLoppy · 13/05/2020 16:49

That is a huge amount even with booze!!!

Have you seen the receipts, how much booze is he buying?

Jux · 13/05/2020 16:49

We are spending about the same as we always have though, about £90 a week - 4 adults.

We don't buy much booze though, as I don't drink alcohol at all, dd doesn't drink much and is working hard on her Uni stuff so wants a clear head, dbro buys his own, and that leaves dh who has cut down massively over the years and probably only drinks one bottle of beer a day.

smittenkittennn · 13/05/2020 16:50

Haven't read the full thread but have you seen the actual receipts?

Stealhsquirrelnutkin · 13/05/2020 16:53

I wonder if your DH is managing his stress by buying food? He might not even be aware of why he is doing it, just that having those extra things stashed away is comforting. Which would explain why he responds by getting defensive when challenged, if he doesn't know why he is doing it, just that it's an strong urge, and threatening to curb it makes him uncomfortable and anxious.

Just asking because the combination of not being able to pop to the shops (shielding), sudden difficulties booking my usual delivery slots, and then the deprivation of having a long awaited delivery turn up with half the much needed items missing has certainly triggered all my hamstering instincts.

Normally I'd order a grocery delivery with all my favourite vegetarian foods from one of the major supermarkets once a fortnight, topping up on fresh milk, fruit and vegetables from the corner shop between deliveries.

I have struggled with eating disorders since childhood, with the help of therapy I developed strategies that have allowed me to live for the last 3 decades without constantly obsessing about food. But when my first delivery arrived without eggs, baked beans, rice, pasta or bread, and with half of the fruit and vegetables also missing all my food demons escaped and got stuck into taunting me again.

It didn't help that it took so long before the letter arrived confirming my vulnerability under the covid rules. The fact that I am disabled, am no longer able to drive, and have been reliant on supermarket deliveries for years didn't seem to be taken into account anywhere. A great deal of my time and energy was spent stalking grocery delivery slots.

Sometimes I couldn't get a slot for several weeks, other times I'd manage to snare two in the same week, from two different supermarkets. In which case I'd greedily book both slots, so that if the first delivery arrived with important items missing I'd have a second chance at getting them from the other supermarket. If the first delivery arrived with all the ordered items then I'd cancel the second delivery, to allow someone else to use it. And anyone who wants to berate me for it had better never have gone to a second shop after the first one they visited lacked some of their own "essential" items.

I also started adding to the second delivery several different sizes or varieties of any of important items that had been missing from the first delivery. Having realised that if they'd run out of 1kg bags they might still have the 500g size left in stock, but wouldn't always provide a substitute, or if they'd run out of large free range eggs they might still have mixed size organic eggs. Which sometimes resulted in the second delivery arriving with both a 1kg bag and a 500g bag, and 12 large and 12 mixed sized eggs, so I'd end up baking and making a big crustless quiche as well as eating breakfast eggs. I also took to adding a couple of boxes of tofu with each delivery, so that I'd have a stash in the cupboard and could still make breakfast scrambles if the Great Egg Shortage reoccurred.

Normally I'll have one bottle of hand soap on the go, and one in the cupboard, ordering a replacement when the cupboard soap was moved to the sink. Until the time when I tried to order and all the hand soap had sold out. Same thing with bleach and toilet paper. When the reserve was in use and dwindling I'd start to get anxious, and when they came back in stock I'd want to have one in use and TWO in the cupboard.

I've even taken to buying things that I'd never normally buy, like chocolate, sweets, crisps and peanuts. Normally I only buy healthy stuff in the supermarket deliveries, forcing myself to hobble to the local shop for the unhealthy stuff. That might be one of my eating disorder coping strategies, I find it more difficult to run a load of unhealthy stuff past the checkout staff if I'm there in person, rather than an anonymous online shopper. But since I can't go to the local shop I have felt entitled to add crap to my supermarket shop, and the damned supermarkets keep having special offers on all the highly processed, empty calorie foodstuffs that are designed to "keep" for months, so you can rationalise buying a lot more than a single treat, yet the darned things don't keep for months because I always end up scoffing them when I'm hungry but too exhausted to stand up and cook.

I don't drink, but I do use Sherry, Madeira, Port and red and white wine in cooking. So I tend to have an open bottle or two of the fortified wines on the go in the cupboard, and ice cubes of left over red or white wine in the freezer ready for the next risotto or Gigantes plaki. So when delivery slots became rarer than rocking horse shit I started adding an extra bottle to the deliveries. I even invested in a bottle of whisky, since the one I bought in 2008 was almost empty. I only ever drink whisky with hot water, honey and a squeeze of fresh lemon juice if I have a very bad sore throat, having discovered that after 2 or 3 of them my throat stops hurting and I am able to drift off to asleep very easily. Which is a very long winded way of saying that I don't drink alcohol for entertainment purposes (being more into herbal remedies) but I've bought more of it since lockdown than I have in years.

So DH has my sympathies. We are all coping as best we can, in our different more or less useful ways. Playing fridge and freezer tetris is better than having nothing to eat. Or worrying about not having anything to feed your family if conditions deteriorate further.

Perhaps it'll make him feel more comfortable if you do an inventory of food stocks, checking the dates on everything? You could compile a list of menus that you are able to cook with what you've already got, using the things nearing their use by dates first. Then you could make a second list of meals you fancy having where you don't have all the ingredients, writing a shopping list of the missing ingredients for him to take with him on his next big hunter gatherer expedition. That might help him resist the lure of unnecessary impulse purchases.

On behalf of all stressed hamsters who find comfort and security in a well stocked pantry I urge tolerance and understanding. Now I'm going burrow back into my big nest of paper hankies and don't want to be disturbed unless you brought a carrot.

Couch25k · 13/05/2020 16:53

We are too. There is nothing else to spend it on, (although we should he saving) so I've figured a little treat here and there, oh some wine and nice snacks too.....

BossAssBitch · 13/05/2020 16:57

DH and I spend around £150 a week, that includes (a lot of) booze though.. plus a farm shop midweek for nice bread and fresh eggs, etc, everything we buy is organic plus we have two dogs who cost a lot to feed. We have two fridges and three freezers which are full and every time we do a shop we have to wrestle with whatever is in there. We also have about a hundred boxes of Nespresso pods in the garage though, just in case we run out Hmm

PickAChew · 13/05/2020 16:57

Crikey, I was going to say that it's easy to spend more, at the moment and we're probably averaging 250pw, lately but there's 4 of us, including 2 teenage boys and we have no need to shop to a strict budget.

AuditAngel · 13/05/2020 17:05

We are spending more than usual. A combination of shopping in Sainsbury’s rather than Tesco, together with a lack of the usual offers.

This is made worse as we have 3 kids usually on school lunches.

We are also using the butcher where we can.

We meal plan for dinners, and shop according to the meal plan. Lunches are sandwiches/toasties or leftovers. We are trying to avoid waste.

Food bin will go out tonight, it’s half full, some of it vegetable peelings.

runningpink · 13/05/2020 17:13

Could you do a bit of a stock take of everything in particular the freezer and have it written down in a list so it’s clear what you already have loads of which might make him only buy what’s needed at shop?

lboogy · 13/05/2020 17:19

We spend £120 ish a week. Includes alcohol. We are 2 adults and a toddler. Also £40 in takeaway too.

crimsonlake · 13/05/2020 17:25

Clearly you cannot let this go on.
I am with the majority and cannot fathom how it is possible to spend so much at these particular supermarkets.
I would be forensically examining the receipts to see exactly where all the money is going.

ActuallyItsEugene · 13/05/2020 17:26

The price of my shop has gone up because of all the extras I'm adding in but up to £300 a week for 2 adults and a tiny baby is absolutely ridiculous.
My shop can be £150 a week but that's with cleaning products, treats/magazines/books for my 4yo, alcohol, toiletries...

What is he actually coming home with? Is it all being eaten/used? There can't be any room left in your cupboards/fridge/freezer by the time the next onslaught comes!

Crabbo · 13/05/2020 17:27

We usually spend about £120 and now it’s closer to £180 - however dh would normally spend close to £10 a day on lunch but now he’s working at home so it more or less balances out. That’s for 2 adults, 5 yr old and 2yr old. DH eats a lot but we don’t really drink.

ActuallyItsEugene · 13/05/2020 17:30

Oh, and our household is 2 adults and a 4yo.

MaMaMyCorona · 13/05/2020 17:36

I honestly don't see how it's even possible to spend that much in lidl/aldi every week. Hmm

eatpraylovenow · 13/05/2020 17:42

Just under £200 for 2 adults and one child for two weeks shopping. I don't know how your DH is spending so much!

FakeCutlassesAreAGatewayWeapon · 13/05/2020 17:44

That's madness. Our bill has gone up but is still only around £150 a week for 5, including 2 teenagers and a tween.

It also includes expensive free from food and branded items as we can't always get basic versions!

foggybits · 13/05/2020 17:45

£300 in Aldi is astronomical.

This, even if he's spending £100 on alcohol.

foggybits · 13/05/2020 17:46

I understand doing a shop for £300 one week but actually running out of everything & having to do a £300 shop the next week makes no sense.

eatpraylovenow · 13/05/2020 17:50

I'd check out the receipts if I were you. Are you sure he's not stashing away some cash back?!

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 13/05/2020 18:08

Are you sure he is spending all that amount in food? I would be concerned he is not.

Cactuslove · 13/05/2020 18:14

I do the shopping in my house I noticed how much more I was spending. I now shop once every two weeks about £160.00. Same family size as yours and that is not scrimping but eating whatever we want. I love sainsburys but if I feel like we have had a while of spending lots I get my OH to do an Aldi shop which is always half price.

Fleamaker123 · 13/05/2020 18:17

£300 a week in Aldi? I need evidence Grin

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