What makes some people 'doers'?

[Echobelly]

Bear with me on this one.... I sometimes wonder how some people are so good at getting off their arses and doing big stuff, stuff I just couldn't begin to imagine doing.

For example, a chance encounter on a holiday inspired my bro-in-law and his wife to start an amazing charity still going to this day, funding a massive project in another country. I can imagine if I'd had that encounter I'd have been 'Oh, it would be nice to do something about that', but I'd never think what, let actually get round to doing anything.

Or starting a business - I can't imagine how people start anything beyond a simple freelancing one-person type thing. I mean, sometimes I've had an idea that I supposed might make a business, but I would have no idea how to start, I probably wouldn't have any useful contacts (in my case I also hate risk, uncertainty, long hours and debt, so I was never going to have my own business!). How do people do that?

I accept I will never be a 'doer', and I massively admire those who are, but I wonder what it is that makes some people that way?

Executive functioning. You either have a shed load of dopamine or you don't!

Well, you’ve answered some of it yourself — you hate risk, uncertainty, long hours and debt, which will make you less inclined to be a ‘doer’ in certain areas that require these things. Some people want their lives to stay the same, whereas I always like knowing mine can be different — fortunately DH is the same, so we’ve moved around the world a fair bit.

Some of it is to do with really wanting to do something. I’m a novelist, and it comes up on Mn ‘dream career’ threads regularly — the thing is, there’s nothing stopping anyone writing their first novel. It doesn’t require qualifications or specialist knowledge, all you need to do is make a small bit of time — get up earlier, stay up later, write in your lunch break, stop watching TV, say no to an invitation etc. I wrote my first novel on a maternity leave in which we also moved country. Because I wanted to. There are other things I don’t fundamentally want to do, so I don’t do them.

I do think some people are remarkably ‘low energy’, though. I used to have a colleague who became a friend, a healthy 40something who would come into my office and make this ‘tongue hanging out from exhaustion’ face at 11 o clock on aN average Tuesday, when all he’d done was check his email, and who would claim he spent his weekends ‘resting and recovering’, which meant he never left the house or took his children out. When I knew him better, I used to urge him to have his iron/B12 etc checked, but I realised that his ‘normal’ is just way below mine in mental/physical activity terms. I think he got that from his parents, and I think he’s passing it onto his own children, who don’t do anything but game, and never leave the house apart from going to school. I think he’s doing them a disservice, but there you go.

A lack of fear. Just read back to yourself why you won’t start a business. You’re scared. A lot of people either don’t have the fear in the first place because they know better or they’re more inclined to risk taking.

A lot of people are too scared to try things because they’re scared of failing. They don’t realise that they’vd already failed when they failed to try.

I just think that some people have a personality which defaults to " wanting a rest" rather than "wanting to get up and do something". I'm not talking about people who start charities , etc, nothing huge like that. Just the normal day-to-day activities which seem to be just so tiring for some folks.

I do think that this trait is inherited from parents who behave like that. My parents were "doers" , always on the go, making and mending all the time. They influenced us kids to be the same - not ocd but just keeping busy and getting things done.

Executive functioning. You either have a shed load of dopamine or you don't!

Not many people will know about EFs and neurotransmitters. At least expand in layman's terms for those who haven't studied for a psychology degree.

Genetic, innit. Some people have heritable qualities like risk aversion, concentration and calm. Some, like me, have ADHD traits, wanderlust and risk mild addiction attraction.

I've moved country twice, travelled the world, tried to set up a business and I leap. Other people live next door to their mum and marry their childhood sweetheart. We need both sorts of people. And everyone in between.

Big balls.

I don't think it's purely genetic. Environment comes in to it too and can certainly turn on or off certain genes. Nevertheless, it is possible to change your brain and rewire it to become someone new.

DH is a doer. He says the trick is just not to think too much about things. Apparently too much thinking let's the anxiety slip in and then you talk yourself out of it.

I’m not sure about heritability, @MrsTerryPratchett. My parents are the most timid, risk-averse, change-averse people I could imagine — my father worked in the same position for the same small company from the age of 14 till his retirement, and consistently refused promotions to foreman because It would be ‘too much hassle’; both absolutely loathe doing anything, however small, for the first time, and would prefer to continue doing something they dislike than risk novelty — and I’m not like that at all, much to their horror.

Ditto DH, whose parents are not unlike mine, and whose siblings have all stayed living down the road and marrying very young.

I have ADHD and it's my super power! I am utterly fearless reckless but DH is low energy and very risk averse. It's a frustrating mix for both of us!

I agree with whoever said it’s down to executive function. I have practically no executive function and am a bloody useless person. I have talents and skills but lack any ability to organise them into anything useful. My house looks like a bomb has hit it. I have to talk myself through getting up, showered and dressed and little things like putting rubbish in a bin. I’m not lazy, my brain is just completely overwhelmed by the things we have to do in everyday life. There is no space for anything else. I mentally high five myself if I manage to put the bins out and do the washing up on the same day.

Also, my mother is a ‘doer’ and has been all my life - she was constantly involved in everything when I was a kid, head of PTA etc. I HATED it. I wanted to crawl under a rock. I found it embarrassing and wished I was a normal kid with a normal mum who didn’t have to DO everything. So I expect that has caused some of my aversion to being involved in community things to an extent. The thought of organising PTA events or even helping out at them makes my toes curl in horror.

Interesting thread.

Lack of fear I think. I went through a bad patch where I tried to do things, nothing as big as starting an organization just some positive steps to kick start a good adult life and despite my positivity literally nothing I tried helped. It's left me with a lot of negativity that's taking a while to get over.

I have ADHD too, but my problem is (quells surprise) a lack of focus. I’m better medicated though
Overall, I’m definitely a do-er, but I try and do too much and burn out quickly. I also become overwhelmed when I feel there’s too much to do and consequently achieve nothing

I am a 'doer' too, and am aware it can be quite tiring for others that have less energy. I drag everyone along for the ride and usually it is great fun for all of us. My family, dh and friends are used to my harebrained ideas.

You don't get to choose to be a doer, I have been one all of my life. I get bored and restless, so an adventure is what I need to function.
My life has been incredibly interesting. I don't worry about failure at all and take it on the chin when it happens. I am not really afraid of anything and will try anything once. Nor do I care what others think, they are entitled to have a view, but if I think something is a good idea, I run with it. I have confidence in myself I suppose.
I have lived in different countries, travelled alone and with friends, tried out different roles and jobs, travelled the world, started businesses, failed businesses and have loads of energy.

I don't do sitting around, waiting for things to happen or boredom. I have a endless feeling of wanting to get the best out of any experience/my life.

Lockdown for me has been nothing short of torture, wings have been completely clipped and feathers shorn, but I have since invented ways to make it more interesting. I have lots of friends and could not live my life any other way.

I always wonder this. What I don’t understand is how people get started. Like, I was always frustrated by how badly tights fitted. Then Snag tights started and I read their bio which was how they, like me, hated tights so set up a company manufacturing better ones. Well, I never thought of anything like that! But what I want to know is - how? Like people moved by a terrible tragedy who then start a charity - well, where do you actually begin in this kind of endeavour? What are the physical steps you take?

I am a novelist too, like a pp, but that process is straightforward to me - I wanted to write a book, had the idea, did some reading as research, opened my laptop, started writing. The steps make sense.

A big, complex, bureaucratic process like starting a business - how do you find a tights designer? How do you organise manufacture? What million things do you need to do to go from no tights to a whole stock of tights and ability to sell them on a big scale?

I’m the same thinking about big renovation projects - where would you start? How would you know what needs to be done? If I look at a ‘doer-upper’, I am bewildered, not inspired!

So I don’t know if it’s necessarily about energy or risk taking. I would love to move abroad and can envisage that process; I really enjoy major changes (husband and children do less so). Just more that I am baffled by how people even know what steps to take to set up a business or charity and how on Earth you go about sourcing things and making things and all the rest of it. ‘Setting up a business’ to me sounds intimidating, overwhelmingly complex and impenetrable. I don’t understand how anyone does it!

Yeah, it is interesting.

I very much need structure in order to do the big stuff. Couldn't cope with the risk and uncertainty of starting my own charity or something. Smaller stuff I can do but I'm disorganised and have amazing procrastination skills.

Dp definitely has higher executive functioning than me, or did. He's now ill with an autoimmune condition and CFS and is much more like the man @Eschallonia describes.. not his fault, when he's well he'll send half a day trying to do something and then just hit a wall. Of course we take things easy and one of the knock on effects is that I've become (even less) of a doer.. I hope our DC is able to buck the trend, but it worries me a bit.

And it is definitely not genetic, my parents could not be more risk adverse. I often wonder if I became like this from the monotony of such a low risk environment. I can literally feel my soul dying in places that feel too heavy with monotony, duty and the rest.

Can you train your executive functioning to work more efficiently? My brain goes into power saving mode if I overthink. I have to write ideas down before my brain becomes overwhelmed and I lose them. I find it really frustrating.

I think you need a strong ego and self confidence.
If people liking you is very important then setting up a profitable business would be hard. You might want your staff to like you, so you pay them a good wage, You might want your clients to like you, and we all now how awkward the public can be, so you go that extra mile. Someone can't pay the bill, so you let them off for a few months etc etc Because you want to be 'nice' to people. Result is business doesn't make much money.
So, I think people making a business work have to be confident and have no or few self-esteem issues, and maybe also a bit of ruthlessness.
A family member had a business but always undercharged and always valued a bit of gratitude and praise at the end over making money. Business struggled along for years. But made me realise I wouldn't have the temperament for it either.

Like @CaptainBrickbeard I wonder this. I get suspicious that people make it sound a lot easier than it actually is. I don't think you "just" set up a coffee shop or a clothing line or a charity.

Having said that I did run my own business at 19/20 which must have looked like I "just" started up from the outside. The truth is I hated every minute of it and was shaking with fear half the time. I was so relieved to stop. Ashamed because I'd "failed" but so relieved not to have the stress and responsibility anymore.

I wonder the same thing but more about exercise and diet. Some people seem to commit to exercise daily. That blows my mind.

Confidence and self-belief.

captain The way you start a business, move overseas is simply to source a person/company that can help. You ask around, you tell people you are interested in doing something. Almost everything I have done, started with a conversation, usually with others, and they will say I know someone who did that/tried that shall I put you in touch? Most information is online now, and easy to find. But if you have an idea that needs more specialist advice, then use SM, your own network and start talking.

Moving overseas could not be simpler, there are many relocation companies that can help.
If I was interested in starting a business in tights using your example, I would probably look into how they were made, whether my idea is likely to have been used/thought of before. I would copyright my idea if it had legs - no pun intended, and get in touch with a manufacturer for a conversation about how they can help. Start small, build on an idea.

You don't need to be a rocket scientist to get ideas off the ground, start small, do your research, keep going when you hit the odd brick wall and believe in the idea and your own ability.