What makes some people 'doers'?

[Echobelly]

Bear with me on this one.... I sometimes wonder how some people are so good at getting off their arses and doing big stuff, stuff I just couldn't begin to imagine doing.

For example, a chance encounter on a holiday inspired my bro-in-law and his wife to start an amazing charity still going to this day, funding a massive project in another country. I can imagine if I'd had that encounter I'd have been 'Oh, it would be nice to do something about that', but I'd never think what, let actually get round to doing anything.

Or starting a business - I can't imagine how people start anything beyond a simple freelancing one-person type thing. I mean, sometimes I've had an idea that I supposed might make a business, but I would have no idea how to start, I probably wouldn't have any useful contacts (in my case I also hate risk, uncertainty, long hours and debt, so I was never going to have my own business!). How do people do that?

I accept I will never be a 'doer', and I massively admire those who are, but I wonder what it is that makes some people that way?

edwina Do you think you are maybe mixing up successful high flyers with a doers mentality? Not ever doer with be a success, in the same way not everyone that is risk adverse will be a failure.

To be successful in business you have to focused, and committed and organised, with laser like attention to detail at times, not every doer will have these qualities. Many will be great at starting potentially successful, viable businesses, and piling energy and life into them only to get bored etc.

CaptainBrickbeard I think the trick is (for some people, to some extent) is that you don't have to do everything, or set up everything, or know everything, all at the start. It's just about the first step. And then the next. And then the next.

So in the tights example you might think, I wonder if I can find anything on Google about how tights are manufactured; or, do I know anyone who works in clothing manufacture that could introduce me to someone who knows about tights? It's a series on tiny, individual, incremental steps.

With the charity example, a friend set up a charity that works in the educational field in Kenya. That started as personally sponsoring a boy who was a childhood friend of her son, through secondary school. It grew from there, one child at a time. They currently sponsor more than 100 children in school, run various other programmes, and actually employ many of those who formerly benefited from the sponsorship scheme as teachers, classroom assistants, project managers etc.

And in fact to another posters point, that is what the commitment to being fit is also. It's not really a commitment about doing exercise every single day of your life for ever. It's just about TODAY.

crossposted with Biscuit0110

Think your two examples describe entrepreneurialism, rather than “doing”. The latter can be in much broader areas, eg domestic, community, employment.

Charity set up is relatively low personal risk, so is about stuff like time commitment, contacts and fundraising skills. Did the couple you know both have FT jobs when they set it up, for example?

Setting up a business rather than seeking employment (or to freelance) is about different things, eg risk appetitie. Vast majority of small businesses can’t make a profit.

This is a very interesting thread here, with a wide variety of people who struggle to take out the bins/wash up to those who are single handedly running their own business .Being scared of long hours ,uncertainty and debt is good to my mind! Sometimes people make it "look easy" when behind the scenes its far from rosy .Something like 2 in 3 new businesses fail .ATM I cant imagine anyone doing well (In our area a couple were just about to open a Cafe and Covid happened!) resulting in them having to close and have gone out of business .I like you am risk averse and think its a good way to be TBH!

It’s funny because I ran my own freelance business for eight years (before changing career and getting a new job) but am totally unable to try, say, baking bread.

Different things feel challenging to different people!

This is such an interesting thread.

It's not as easy as you are or your not. There's so many types of person.

I do think that this trait is inherited from parents who behave like that. My parents were "doers" , always on the go, making and mending all the time. They influenced us kids to be the same - not ocd but just keeping busy and getting things done.

This is DH's parents to a T and he is nothing like that thank goodness although a couple of his siblings are.
Lockdown has been a challenge for them and they've broken the rules because they can't do nothing.
I wouldn't describe them as ambitious or doers though. They're always on the go but also incredibly cautious, the kind of people who go on the same holiday every year. They were amazed we 'let' our DD move away to university in a big city for example and even negotiated with a friend of theirs to get her a job locally with opportunity for 'a nice little career' in something DD had no interest in whatsoever, and then were pissed off when we didn't encourage DD to do it.

A friend of DH's who he met through work you'd never have described as a doer. He was so unmotivated, would do the bare minimum etc. Then all of a sudden he decided to leave and built a business around something he was passionate about which has proved to be really successful. He's really put everything into it and has built an amazing brand and is doing what he loves.

I agree there's a difference between being entrepreneurial or adventurous, and being a 'doer"

Some people just have to be busy all the time, which could be down to a lot of things - high energy, an inability to relax, some sort of ingrained ideas that doing nothing is bad or lazy... I find people like this exhausting! I don't think there's anything wrong with being busy but some people do use it as a diversion.

On the other hand there are people who are entrepreneurial or just confident and unafraid of trying new things - I am definitely not a 'doer' but I have worked in a lot of different countries, started up my own business, changed career etc on a whim or just because I thought it might be fun or interesting. Some entrepreneurs I know are the least 'businessy' people you could think of but they just had a good idea and some enthusiasm to try to make it happen.

This is a fascinating thread. When I was younger I was a doer, I know I had activities everyday of the week, I set up a business when I was 17 and had millions of projects on the go. I don’t know how why or even when but at some point it all switched and now those memories are like a film I watched.
I’m commenting in the hope that someone comes along with the magic answer (which I know doesn’t exist but these days I like an instant solution) and I can work out to find threads I’ve bookmarked or watched. 17 year old me would wonder how on earth I got out of bed not bothering to find all that out.
I’d love to kickstart that part of my brain again.

When I was younger I was a doer, I know I had activities everyday of the week, I set up a business when I was 17 and had millions of projects on the go. I don’t know how why or even when but at some point it all switched and now those memories are like a film I watched.

Oh I know, getting a partner, having kids... those two take a lot of energy, time and freedom. If you are not too busy supporting either you are exhausted after doing so and eventually you forget what you are capable of.

If you have no children/partner it may be an issue of fear and being too comfortable to be bothered about going out of that comfort zone.

My dh is someone who likes to be busy and get things done, but at the same time very unambitious. He likes working in a factory as he is on his feet, zooming about at top speed, but he refused to even go for a supervisors job even though he is very capable and good at organising. He just doesn't cope well with that kind of risk or pressure that comes with management level jobs.

The routines of maintaining a family take up a lot of my "doing". The DCs are of a less needy age but not independent yet, but I don't have that spare "doing" freed back up compared to life pre-DCs. I'm not at either extreme, but it's more my mental initiative that feels drained compared to my younger self.

@Dozer - yes, the couple who set up the charity did and do have FT jobs as well, although possibly one of them was still studying at the time they started, not sure.

Thanks for all responses people - aware I answered it myself to some degree, it's definitely a lack of worrying about failure that helps some people get going. Also social confidence - in theory I have contacts that could help me do stuff, but I wouldn't assume I know any of them well enough or would know how to start a conversation about it. I recently had a thought re: lockdown and real estate (I work in editorial for a real estate body) and my MIL (a doer) was all 'You should take charge of this, you should make something happen' but I just wouldn't know where to start and there are organisations doing the sort of work I was discussing, so I've mentioned it to them via LinkedIn, and they picked it up, but there was no way I could start some movement to sort it all out myself, though doubtless some people would be, especially if they had the professional connections that I do, but I haven't a clue how one starts leveraging those.

I’m really enjoying this thread. So interesting. My DB is the most ‘doer-ish’ in our family - is in loads of music ensembles, lots of sports , walking and climbing holidays, bakes, hours of music practice, concerts, taking part in local initiatives and activities etc but as far back as I can remember of family members including my DPs they were risk averse and did what had to be done only. My DF took over his fathers shop but never expanded even though he would have had an instant clientele for any other branches. My other DB and I are totally unambitious. We wouldn’t dream of starting a group, joining a committee, raising money for charity etc but would be happy to contribute to someone else’s ventures. We are definitely followers not initiators . I would love to be a doer but have no drive, commitment or energy to put into being one. I’m very envious of those who are but that doesn’t spur me on to become more of one somehow.

@StripeyLurcher, I have an employee like that, she is amazing, very thorough, very organised and full of good ideas, but the idea of making decisions by herself (or facing their possible consequences) paralyses her on the spot and stresses her massively.

Was your MiL suggesting you set up an enterprise to do with copy for real estate, in current circumstances?!

For employees (and freelancers) with bills to pay, especially those of us with DC, it’s difficult and risky to initiate new business ventures.

Not being in a position to do so, or not wanting to do so, doesn’t mean we are lacking or not a “do-er”.

Self confidence and self belief but also the realisation that you are responsible for your own life and it you want something to happen you have to make it happen yourself.

My parents were always doers whereas I always wanted to be but was too anxious. I married a doer and overtime have become one myself - mainly due to encouragement from him!

with a wide variety of people who struggle to take out the bins/wash up to those who are single handedly running their own business

I'm both of these 😂 always busy, always on the go, absolutely hated being employed although worked hard while I was, and thrive on the challenges of self employment and running and building my business. Yes, even during covid!

But my house is a tip and I struggle massively with household tasks, especially laundry, and am fundamentally incapable of being on time.

I think you can be a doer and also have terrible executive function.

As for where it comes from - I've just always been this way and so are my parents, so would maybe lean towards nature/genetics?

Really good mental health and high self esteem.

Very interesting.

I'm a very low energy person. No get up and go, bo drive. I'd love to change

+1 to high levels of executive functioning. That also mixed with lack of fear. I used to be much more of a doer in my twenties because I had a lot less fear of failing. Now that I’m older and know more of what I don’t know, I am crippled by fear and overwhelmed a lot.

That said, reading the first few posts on this thread helped me light a fire under my ass and schedule a call with a potential client that’s happening within the next hour rather than push it off to 6 hours later in the day because I was afraid of it. So, thanks for the nudge, folks! I’m trying to become a more active doer again. :)

I am a 'doer' and have a very low boredom
Threshold. I can't stand not having anything to keep me busy and I like change and variability. At work I like my role to be changing, developing and evolving all the time or I get very bored.
I think I probably annoy some of my friends and family as I'm the one who always wants to be going somewhere new, exploring and doing new things. I'm not good at sitting still.
I'm probably very much like my Dad where as my Mum is the complete opposite